I do not understand the signals of flirting.

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I think a good work-around for these sorts of issues is to be more direct myself.

I think sitting around and wondering what to do or if someone likes you is never going to get anyone anywhere. It's like a color blind person debating whether something is dark red or purple just by looking at a splotch of paint. Not going to work!

I'd say, if you're interested (or even just curious), just be open. In a calm, friendly way, you just say, "I think you're interesting and would like to get to know you better. Are you interested in going on a date?"

Make sure that it is clear that this is a date! Then, there is zero BS. You either know that they aren't interested and can move on, or you know there is a baseline and can shift the focus from "What do they feel?! !?! !?" to "Are we compatible? Is this fun?".

I think AS people just need to be more direct. If someone can't handle it in terms of being asked out, they're definitely not going to be able to handle it if someone you end up dating them without being direct to begin with. It's also super important to be cool with what they say either way. I have been shot down probably 100 times via this approach, but no one has ever been mean about it. I think most people appreciate the honesty, are flattered at the prospect of being interesting, and feel even better when you respect what they have to say and don't blow up the relationship because it didn't go how you hoped.

The problem with flirting is that most people with Asperger's syndrome struggle with realizing the emotions of other people. Flirting is to show attention, enjoy if the opposite likes you for it, realizing each others feelings, signal that you like how the other is and that you enjoy that he or she shows attention and likes you aso. All of this nonverbal. It's easy and fun once you are able to realize the feelings of other people but quite hard to do if you don't get the feelings of other people towards you or aren't well liked by others.

_________________
I am as I am. Life has to be an adventure!

The first few times I tried getting to know a girl at Xmas parties, each response was something like "go away lad, and leave me alone" (but not always so politely). At the time, I thought they meant it, as I didn't even know body language existed, so it is only with hindsight that I have noted the looks of expectation (I've been studying the subject) which changed to puzzlement, and then to anger; they were all playing hard to get (another thing I knew nothing about!). At my current age, this isn't much use to me; this stuff should be taught as part of normal education. Never mind, a sex life which for the most part didn't involve other life forms (from Scott Addam's wonderful "The Dilbert Pinciples", the chapter "Scientist, engineers and other strange people" which shows he has a better insight into the autistic condition {I am that, and was an engineer} than any autism researcher I've encountered!) is at least a safe option, and sufficiently satisfying if one is blessed with an imagination as fecund as mine.

The concept of flirting. I will never get it, i think. Before i moved to the states, there was this beautiful woman who kept coming to the store I worked at to buy random things just to be able to communicate with me. She also had friends working there, so I assumed it was for these people that she came there for so frequently.
What I didn’t realize was that she was flirting with me very hard.

After a while a coworker, one of said friends asked me whether I was the only guy with a certain description in that department. Being embarrassed by that question (I never really liked working retail), I defended myself right away and thought she (my coworker) was attacking me.

A few months later, said customer started working at said store. Before I announced that I would leave i found out through her friends that she is seriously into me. When she found out that I was going to leave, she was seriously bummed out.

Now, three years later, I decided to come back to My country of origin, but I know she is in a relationship and doesn’t work for the store anymore.

Talking about screwing up a good chance with a wonderful woman. I will never forgive myself for that.

This was always tough for me to figure out. I always ended up erring on the side of caution and was never overt. As such I would find out that girls/women I dated had thought: "Jeez, when is this guy going to kiss me?!" Any sort of subtle clues were lost on me. I would have LOVED if they would have been direct: "I want you to kiss me."