Neurotypical (NT) feedback requested!

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I sense that impartial feedback (from thoughtful NTs) might just offer that boost (nudge) to encourage people on the Autism Spectrum to "step out of their comfort zones."

There are discussion threads here on WrongPlanet (WP) on developing/maintaining friendships with NTs who've had some (yet not too much) experience with the Autism Spectrum. The potential of such friendships offers encouragement to............."step out of our comfort zones!"

Hi JustFoundHere I am NT and fairly new here. I feel a bit uncomfortable and not sure if I am being helpful with my interactions here. I have friends on the spectrum and I am mainly here to learn. Happy to help any way that I may. Not sure it will be useful

Thank-you for your response! Just by responding here on WP is very helpful to "break the ice" so to speak!

I think that the sensitive issue here is that only the ND can know what his/her limitations and capabilities are. It requires a lot of dialogue and introspection in order to come to helpful realisations. Often on this forum advice that is directed at one member may be more useful to someone else.
The guys here seem to have a tough enough time getting along with each other. The women seem to do better.

Do you need some advice regarding an NT friend? Do you need a kick in the butt to get out of your comfort zone? I'm all ears.

I sense a lot of bitterness towards NT people on this board from AS people who have a hard time interacting socially. I would encourage people with AS to be straight up with their diagnosis and allow people to make mistakes when trying to understand the limitations that comes with it.

When I talk to my colleagues about my son they always want to find out more. Questions like, -How is he different? How did you notice that? What is autism?
There is often people who have experienced the same thing as me through friends, siblings etc, so there's also a lot of knowledge out there. Most of the time they're very fascinated by the traits of intelligence combined with the disabilities. I've never heard anyone think less of someone with asperger or autism. The awareness could maybe be down to the tv-shows that are giving new life to the discussion - such as when Rainman was released.

People who come across as weird will have a hard time getting friends regardless of autism or not. However, if you open up about your diagnosis in todays society I am sure it would open up a lot of doors in form of acceptance and understanding. My family is going to a meeting for kids and adults with AS this summer and I'm really excited about this meeting. I really want to learn more.

This is my view completely. Being open about diagnosis allows both NT's and ND's to get to know each other. That's how it works with my AS friends. I can't see why we would be such close friends if the relationships weren't mutually rewarding. Something is succeeding. We just try and accept the things we may not understand.

I think the biggest misconception here is thinking that NT's understand each other, we really don't. Humanity is often intolerant, divisive and prejudice, nobody has the patience to listen unless there is some benefit in it for them.

I think NT's should ask more questions of aspies and make the effort to understand how to find a path of communication. My aspie friends are absolute, they are friends to the end through thick or thin, unconditional, loyal and honest. It is my responsibility to find out how they tick because their ability to describe how they feel is limited.
I don't find that the guys here bash NT's, I just sense their repeated frustration and disappointment, I get that.

Yes, that's a better way of putting it.

I was lucky to have a LTR with an NT who would talk about anything. I also have co-workers who I can ask about stuff I don't get or understand. They have more personal issues than I do.

But isn't there a relative difference? I don't think all NT's understand all other NT's all the time, and I doubt that anyone here believes that all NT's are all-knowing about all other NT's. However, in any given situation, other factors being equal, aren't NT's more likely to understand other NT's (at least in the ways that matter in the particular situation) than to understand, or be understood by, autistic people?


Indeed a lot of what we think of as NT behavior is culture-specific. (For example, different cultures have different unspoken rules as to when eye contact is appropriate and for how long.) And indeed all too many people are impatient with cultural differences of whatever kind. Being autistic is like being an immigrant even to the culture one was born into.

You have a point that NT's have an advantage, just the fact that there are different senses of humour and cultural differences, for someone who has difficulty interpreting body language, inference and nuances it must be absolutely bewildering.

Explain to me how it feels and any strategies that help you please.

I’m not really interested in having NTs (or anyone) nudge me out of my “comfort zone.” I’ve had more than enough of that sort of thing in my life. I want people to respect my comfort zone and leave me peacefully alone in it.

I would imagine that finding your comfort zone requires a lot of trial and error. That sounds like an excellent decision to me.

WrongPlanet (WP) offers a 'Search User Posts' - that is reading a users recent previous posts can indicate the gist of a specific users perspectives related to the Autism spectrum.

As mentioned in original post, I had considered posting 'Neurotypical (NT) Feedback Requested!' in the 'Social Skills and Making Friends' forums- as some of my recent posts are inviting both NTs and people concerned with High Functioning Autism (HFA) to share perspectives in order to encourage successful friendships between NTs and HFA.

I opted to post 'Neurotypical (NT) Feedback Requested!' in the 'General Autism Discussion' Forum- as a general forum has more activity than the specialized sub-forums.

I've offered proposals attempting to move-away from the usual perspectives of HFA and social skills here on WP, and offer rather novel approaches in hopes of "breaking the ice" so to speak.

Such approaches include creative writing exercises on not just real-life experiences of active social participation, but sleep dreams involving active participation (even if a given dream is unrelated to real-life experiences).

I've also touched on building on strengths of experiences of small-talk with trustworthy, thoughtful people; in order to progress towards handling the weakness of in-depth social experiences. I even began a discussion on how experiences with Autism Spectrum can be of value for NTs.

In regards to encouraging HFA / NT friendships, it must be noted that too much experience with the Autism Spectrum may actually be unhealthy for HFA/NT relations. I've hesitated to mention my content here on WP to concerned family, and family friends, as it seems best to maintain impartiality; that is family & family friends are naturally not impartial.

Speaking of impartiality, small-talk with thoughtful acquaintances, as well as detailed talk with trustworthy, thoughtful counselors, and therapists is considered impartial. I strongly feel that people with HFA might have difficulties with social experiences.............on account of quickly losing that environment of impartiality!

However, in the thread What would make this feel like the "right planet" for you?, you wrote:


So you're not quite NT, as that term is used these days. The word "neurotypical" has come to refer to people who not only are non-autistic but also do not have any other developmental disability either. You're not autistic, but you are neurodivergent.

These days, the non-negative term for all non-autistic people is "allistic." So you are allistic but not NT.

"Bitter"? Debatable.
NTs are often difficult people.
The intelligent ones not so much.

So many lies.
So emotional.
Often condescending.
So much ignorance about us naughty auties.
And they get offended so easily. <sigh>



Hmm.
You seem to have wisdom.
You are on my radar now.

I'm not quite sure where this thread (that I began) is going! How does the 'What Would Make This Feel Like the Right Planet For You?' thread fit into this thread?

For those who have posted in this thread, any further perspectives? I also encourage new posters to this thread!