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“Go see a therapist”

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kraftiekortie
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31 May 2019, 10:01 am

Self-pita bread?



The Grand Inquisitor
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31 May 2019, 10:40 am

hurtloam wrote:
Although I don't think that "I want a girlfriend" is necessarily the best goal to have. When I've suggested therapy to members of this forum it's to help them get out of a rut of negative thinking.

I genuinely don't believe that all people can or will find love. There are too many variables. I believe in making the best of your situation and getting help to find happiness in that.

What if the negative thinking is a direct result of not being able to get a girlfriend, or experience romance at all, and it will continue to reinforce itself while this is the reality? What if it can't truly go away until the person in question at least feels as though it's possible for them to get a relationship, based on positive experiences they've had? A therapist only has minimal utility in that regard in comparison to something like self-improvement to be more attractive to women.

The same way that not everybody will be able to get a relationship, not everybody who can't get one will be able to come to terms with that, and some would prefer to not live at all than be confined to an existence without any prospect of ever being romantically involved with someone, the same way some people would prefer to be euthanized if they had to have their legs amputated. In either case, there could still be some good aspects in their lives in spite of these problems, but not enough to be worth it for everyone.



hurtloam
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31 May 2019, 11:58 am

But you've got to. I've had to. No one wants me. I'm 37. Never had a boyfriend. I'm just too annoying or too ugly or something. Who knows.

But why the hell should I let that stop me from being happy? I'm over it. I've had enough of it.

I've actually got some friends now which makes a huge difference. I'm not as lonely.

I don't need a man any more. They've done nothing, but hurt me. It's time to be happy and free. Not tied to this stupid illusion that love can be anything for me.

This "need" is holding you back from living a good full life. Don't let it!



magz
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31 May 2019, 12:09 pm

The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
What if the negative thinking is a direct result of not being able to get a girlfriend, or experience romance at all, and it will continue to reinforce itself while this is the reality?

It's a positive feedback loop: you can't get romance -> you get depressed -> you perform poorly socially -> the opposite sex avoids you -> you can't get romance.

Finding the weakest link in this chain is the way to break it.


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