“Go see a therapist”

Post Reply New Topic

Inspired from Marknis’s thread.

It always amazes me how trendy “seeing a therapist” is in the Western cultures for every social hardship such as failing to get dates or maintaining a job.

Do these things ever work?
How can “talking to a therapist” is going to make a guy more attractive to the opposite sex? Or to make one more employable? How it differs from talking to a friend or family member?

I am asking seriously because these things are so unheard of on my side of the planet, psychology therapy here is only reserved for the very serious mental cases.

I don't know. Not seen one. What do they look like? If I do I will let you know...

I responded you in the other thread.

It's not supposed to be a panacea.

You're supposed to get an outside, unbiased opinion on what to do about your problems. Ideally from someone with expertise in your problem areas. You come up with action items, work on them, and the circle back next session to refine the plan, adjust shortcomings, and address new variables.

Some people also seem to like to just vent, and feel a relief from expressing how they feel, like going to the bathroom after waiting a long time.

Not sure why this is on the L&D board, but no matter. I wouldn't know where to begin to start my therapy stories but I'll do a full bio, albeit the short version. I had a child psychologist throughout elementary school b/c I was diagnosed w/learning disabilities and possibly a motor delay in kindergarten around the turn of the 1980s. The symptoms for what we now recognize as ASD were there, but the way it's treated/studied now didn't start to come about until 1995. W/o going into any specific incidents, that 6 years or so of therapy was invaluable for me and helped me go from a progressive, fairly unstructured private elementary school onto the best middle school/high school in my school district. I wouldn'tve achieved that w/o the help of that psychologist.

In college, I had one psychoanalytic therapist my 1st year whose method was a major turnoff for me so I stopped seeing him after a couple months. Later on after I'd transferred to a different college, I had several therapists and for several months at one point participated in some kind of group therapy. Since it was still decades till my ASD diagnosis, the therapy largely was helpful in dealing w/some of my anxiety, self-esteem, social skills and executive functioning issues, while I was in college anyway.

After I had moved here to NYC circa 2000 and was still in an abusive relationship, I saw a therapist for a few months who first raised to me that he thought I might have ADD. When I mentioned this to my partner, she dismissed it and I stopped seeing the therapist, even though he eventually turned out to be right since I was diagnosed w/ADHD 4 years ago.

After both my parents had passed away 8 years (my dad 5 years earlier), I've seen alot of therapists, starting w/several who do Gestalt therapy, on the recommendation of my then elderly roommate. I had one therapist I saw for about a year who brought up ADD again and the possibility that I might have Aspergers or Borderline Personality Disorder. At the time, when I heard the cost of getting a diagnosis for any of those, I balked at the cost and let the issue go. This despite my having a ton of issues that were bothering regarding grad school, bereavement, my living situation, my social life, my self-esteem and anxiety issues, etc. I saw a total of 5 Gestalt therapists in the span of about 3.5 years, 3 of whom I felt reasonably comfortable with. The other 2 including the last one showed me how poorly Gestalt was for my needs and issues.

Finally about 3.5 years ago, I started seeing one of my 2 current therapists, who is just a regular talk therapist, but given my current poor financial situation, is covered by my Medicaid (government funded health insurance for the poor). I can't say that seeing her has changed my life, but she is the one who asked me if I might have Aspergers less than a year into our therapy. Through a long process, I was diagnosed within 6 months. The problem then was knowing what the hell to do about it, what kind of therapy to get, etc. This went on w/my continuing to see this therapist till about 6 months ago when she found me a lead to ASD organization here in NYC. That eventually led me to get a referral for an ASD specialist who uses CBT. And this has finally shown me the toolkit I need to deal w/this damn disability as it appears to effect every major area of my life. I've only been seeing this new therapist for a couple months now, combined w/going to support groups and social events organized by an Aspie group in the city. And I'm still very early in the process, which takes alot of time. As Other says, "it's not a panacea". How could it be? But I finally feel that I'm getting the help I NEED to understand myself better, to deal w/alot of my issues, and to start to work on how to achieve the many goals in all areas of my life I have for myself.

I guess therapy isn't for everyone, but I've used it for venting for many years which is in some ways cathartic. But it can provide alot more than that, especially when you're trying to build a social support system pretty much from scratch as I am, now that I don't really have any family any more.

Therapy doesn't work. It's mostly Western brainwashing, in North America in particular. (Europe is slightly better in that regard, but it's getting worse fast.) The mental health system conditions people (*cough* Ivan Pavlov *cough*) to believe that therapy is an answer for everything, to keep its pockets full of dollars/pounds/euros.

In reality, stereotypical therapy is a waste of time and money. By their job description, therapists don't give you advice. They just "make you feel better" about things, whatever that means. That almost always consists of them asking you dumb rhetorical questions, like "how did that make you feel?" Or they just mimic you when you share your troubles, and in a cooing tone to boot, like "awww, you feel frustrated when women reject you". The problem is that you DON'T feel better. And if you're a minor, they'll side with your parents no matter what.

When you call them out on their failure and stupidity, they'll claim that they're helping you "feel better in the long run", only the "long run" never comes. Once in a while, they'll say something to cheer you up, like a slot machine giving periodic small winnings, so you feel like you're being helped. More often, however, they'll deliberately retraumatize you when they see you getting happier, in order to keep you in depressed. That way, you'll keep coming back in order to reach that mirage of "feeling better" they wave in front of you. Many times, I cried myself to sleep after therapy sessions, and even started abusing alcohol, because of how sad the sessions made me feel.

There may be specialized therapies that are intended to cure serious problems. But by and large, therapy is smoke and mirrors. It's just sad and ironic that aspies can see that and NTs can't, and allegedly we're the naive ones . You are lucky to live in a country where therapy is not a massive cultural phenomenon.

I get an impression that in the US therapy is often advertised as "we will fix you/your child"
It has no chance to really work. The only persons this kind of "therapy" helps are those who get the $$.
But Hummerican culture has been run on ads since the gilded generation at least, what can you expect?

I have also some good experiences with therapy. Mainly as a training in recognizing my feelings and dealing with them in less destructive ways.

This is very true. They promise a fix, but they say it's be "in the long run". Only the long run will never come. Not only that, they'll weasel their way out, if you try to call them out on their lies. There is little or nothing a therapist can teach you that you can't learn from a decent book or talking a to a trusted friend.

All in all, therapist are like the police: they're corrupt liars. Sure, they can help if you know how to use them, but for the most part, they help themselves more than they help society.

Therapy doesn't promise a "fix." The objective is to help you (the client) fix yourself. If any therapist promises a "quick fix," that therapist is a quack.

There are many ideologies in psychotherapy. Some of them are decent; others are not so decent.

Basically, I am a believer that one must want to help one's self before they can really effect change in themselves.

I, myself, could have been much better----but I chose the route I took. I chose complacency over high achievement. And here I am today, just a clerk.

Do you really believe being a high achiever would make you "much better"?
Stress, frustration and competition instead of your laid back wisdom?

Nope...I don't believe being a "high achiever" makes someone "better."

My brother, in some ways, is a "high achiever." Did it mellow him out, make him less cynical? Nope. He still is highly suspicious of others, and will never be happy. He is not "better" than me because he made millions and I'm in debt.

This is not said in jealousy/envy, by the way. He earned his money. But it certainly didn't make him "better" or more happy. He still smokes like a chimney, and has to have a "cigarillo" every 15 minutes or so.

The only regret I have is that I don't have more money for traveling the world. And that I got myself in debt.

Yet you used these very words:

Not to accuse you of anything, it just drew my attention.

That's true.....I should have been more specific.

"Achievement" does not make one a "better person." Though "achievement" usually does provide "better income."

"Better income" is merely a superficially material thing; the essence of a person, or of an animal, or of Nature, is much more important.

If a therapist can't fix anything, what are they good for? What advantage do they have over a book or a bottle of antidepressants? No therapist ever taught me anything I didn't already know or couldn't read in a teenage-level book. If anything, they made my existing depression worse. Heck, PUA was more helpful to me than therapy; that says a lot.

The therapy is to help you get a more balanced perspective. To stop your thoughts being so skewed.

People with depression have brains that are wired to think in vicious circles of negativity. The therapy is to help them break that cycle and start to see things in a better light.

Have you noticed how certain members just say the same things over and over and over. Their brains are stuck on a loop. They can't break out of that without professional help.

A good therapist will give you exercises to work on. Like taking a note of 1 positive thing each day, then the next week you talk over those things with the therapist. It focuses your mind in something good rather than focussing on this one problem you can't fix.

Some things can't be fixed. Imagine you ended up paralyzed. That would get anyone down. But moving forward is doing your best with your circumstances. Rather than getting stuck in a loop of "my legs don't work, there's no point in doing anything I like now." You would be better thinking, "Well, my legs don't do everything I want them to, but there are plenty of other things I can do to gain enjoyment in life."

This is right. As I said above, it's no panacea and it doesn't work for everyone and sure it can be very expensive. But what Hurt says about emotional and mental paralysis and cycles of negative thinking and feeling, f**k yeah do I know that since I've been that way most of my life. But I can't emphasize strongly enough how positive psychology at least can help you start to break out of those damn cycles. For some people on the spectrum, getting access to the right toolkit to work on your problems and yourself can empower you to improve your situation. Having homework from my current therapist is also helping me start to develop that skillset too, partly because it helps me identify and focus on both my issues but also the strengths I already have. And those strengths are the basis of the coping strategies you use to work on your issues. This is how CBT works anyway. There's a whole problem solving method it uses to guide you through this anyway which I haven't even gotten to yet.

Like Kraftie I also have alot of debt and ok maybe I'm lucky that it looks like I'll be able to get the bulk of it discharged. But it hasn't been easy at all the last several years for me. If you can find some kind of sliding scale low cost therapy as I have that too makes it easier, provided you still get a good therapist. But these absolute statements here about therapy just being a racket and never working, sorry to break it to you but you're flat out wrong.