Page 1 of 1 [ 4 posts ] 

The Geek Overlord
Hummingbird
Hummingbird

Joined: 13 Jan 2019
Age: 25
Posts: 20
Location: Minnesota

31 May 2019, 1:27 pm

So, my best friend is in a mental hospital at the moment, and has been in several different ones over the past few months. Her and I fight a lot, though we always end up being fine. Also, she's also on the spectrum.

Here's the problem:

She takes her stress out on me, as she knows I'll always forgive her. She also has borderline personality disorder, and can be hair trigger sensitive. She usually treats me like solid gold, but has been going in and out of being emotionally abusive. I know firsthand as to the amount of stress she's under; I can't blame her. She also feels she's distant from everyone as she's here. So far so good, but she talks with her roommate now girlfriend constantly. She says this is because she thinks her girlfriend will leave if she doesn't, and she knows I never will, but it still stings. But she's been taking more and more out in me the past few weeks, and it really hurts. She has apologized for it, which is extremely rare, but it's exhausting me. She has a very hard time admitting fault, and is already angry with me, and (falsely) accusing me of constantly being negative, and is under enormous stress, so I doubt think it's a good idea to call her out on it. I also can't back off, as she's already (falsely) associating my absence with her hard work at getting better, as she never gives herself any credit, and since she's probably going to be getting out soon, making her substantially happier, she'll blame me for all of her problems and give her girlfriend all of the credit for get getting happier. I cannot afford to lose my best friend, especially over false assumptions and flawed logic.

Don't get me wrong, this isn't the norm. She's literally the only person that managed to get it through my head that they actually care about me. She normally treats me like gold, and doesn't throw me to the side entirely like this. I need to get it back to that. But how do I do it?



Mountain Goat
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 13 May 2019
Gender: Male
Posts: 14,202
Location: .

31 May 2019, 2:39 pm

I am not sure what to say. I just hope you can find a positive solution.


_________________
.


breaks0
Velociraptor
Velociraptor

Joined: 8 Jul 2018
Age: 50
Gender: Male
Posts: 426
Location: New York

31 May 2019, 3:47 pm

The Geek Overlord wrote:
So, my best friend is in a mental hospital at the moment, and has been in several different ones over the past few months. Her and I fight a lot, though we always end up being fine. Also, she's also on the spectrum.

Here's the problem:

She takes her stress out on me, as she knows I'll always forgive her. She also has borderline personality disorder, and can be hair trigger sensitive. She usually treats me like solid gold, but has been going in and out of being emotionally abusive. I know firsthand as to the amount of stress she's under; I can't blame her. She also feels she's distant from everyone as she's here. So far so good, but she talks with her roommate now girlfriend constantly. She says this is because she thinks her girlfriend will leave if she doesn't, and she knows I never will, but it still stings. But she's been taking more and more out in me the past few weeks, and it really hurts. She has apologized for it, which is extremely rare, but it's exhausting me. She has a very hard time admitting fault, and is already angry with me, and (falsely) accusing me of constantly being negative, and is under enormous stress, so I doubt think it's a good idea to call her out on it. I also can't back off, as she's already (falsely) associating my absence with her hard work at getting better, as she never gives herself any credit, and since she's probably going to be getting out soon, making her substantially happier, she'll blame me for all of her problems and give her girlfriend all of the credit for get getting happier. I cannot afford to lose my best friend, especially over false assumptions and flawed logic.
In
Don't get me wrong, this isn't the norm. She's literally the only person that managed to get it through my head that they actually care about me. She normally treats me like gold, and doesn't throw me to the side entirely like this. I need to get it back to that. But how do I do it?

Is she seeing a therapist who specializes in asd and/or borderline? It sounds to my layman ears that that would be necessary, no? Also to understand better how to deal with her I'd try looking for a website or other online community for BPD if such a place exists. Having both bpd and asd sounds awful and very complex to live with. But she's obviously mistreating you atm and at some point you're going to need to discuss some of these issues with her. And if she won't adapt a bit to sort of meet you halfway, then you may want to reevaluate the friendship. I know that's hard to hear but abuse obviously isn't healthy and a true best friend who loves you will be willing to do some of this for you and for herself. Good luck!



breaks0
Velociraptor
Velociraptor

Joined: 8 Jul 2018
Age: 50
Gender: Male
Posts: 426
Location: New York

31 May 2019, 10:39 pm

You might also post something on the Bipolar and Other Psychological Conditions board. I don't know if you'd get more useful feedback over there.