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Mountain Goat
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02 Jun 2019, 2:28 pm

I seem to have the same patterns, but with a few exceptions. Generally speaking, I will find a new friend and then I say something or am a bit too much somehow (As I don't really know how to be friendly without being over friendly somwhow) and the person withdraws, and then I withdraw and break connections or go very distant if they do stay in touch as I don't want to be a burden to them, and to me I am either friends or not. It is not that I want harm to come to them. I want them to be blessed. I just don't want to pretend. I keep my distance. I don't have a clue if this has anything to do with my character or maybe I am on the spectrum and others get the same. I don't even know if I am on the spectrum at all. Haha. All I can say is probably!
Anyway... I seem to keep following the same old pattern. Make new friends and lose the friends... It does feel a little lonely at times doing this as I am always looking for friends to actually connect to and so far in life I have found two close friends, but one has distanced himself, and the other does not live in the same country so I rarely see him.
I am thinking that it is actually a good thing I don't have close friends as I may upset them somehow and that would make me feel bad as well, so generally it is much easier not to make friends. That way I can protect both myself and others from hurt.
What I can never seem to fathom out is what I seem to habe done that is wrong. It is as if there is some internet site that I am not on where people discuss me and they say to each other "You don't want to talk to him. There is something wrong with him". Yet if I had done anything ever to anyone I would fully understand and it would explain things... But I have never murdered anyone, never raped anyone, never burgled anyones house, never even tried to hurt anyone... (Apart from when I was a child). It almost makes me feel like I should go and do something stupid like that just to give myself an excuse mentally so I then can say to myself "I am avoiding making friends because I did........ and I don't want to hurt anyone else".
It is a little anoying and sad when I lose friends without knowing why. Maybe I am just a little too sensitive in life. At least living in an isolated area I don't have to meet people in a social way. If I just relate to others in a type of professional work related way (I think it is called formal?) which is how I normally relate to people I meet, things are soo much easier! I don't upset anyone. I am simply a customer or a worker that serves customers... Kind of on that basis. Though this makes me feel sad and lonely.
Most of the family friends that I know I know through my parents. There is the odd exception, where I have befriended them and they are my parents age and they befriend my parents... (Though my dad died over 10 years ago and he was the social one as my mum is a little like me though as she masks by copying peoples character she does befriend people, so I share some of her friends. If she didn't do this I would be a stranger to everyone including myself!)

Anyway. Having a moan. Sorry. All is ok. :) Keep smiling everyone!


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Mona Pereth
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03 Jun 2019, 10:26 am

Everyone has misunderstandings with their friends occasionally, even NT's. To make a friendship last, it is necessary to be able to resolve misunderstandings.

When I was in my early twenties, there were a lot of popular magazine articles on how to be assertive without being aggressive. These articles were aimed primarily at women who were entering the workforce for the first time, which a lot of women were doing back then.

I found these articles very helpful, both as a guide to my own behavior and as a guide to helping me recognize what kinds of people I could possibly have a lasting friendship with. I knew that I was lousy at picking up on subtle hints, so I needed friends who were willing to be assertive with me.

I would suggest that you Google each of the following:

- Assertiveness
- Active listening
- Constructive criticism
- Receiving criticism
- Conflict resolution

Each of these will bring up a bunch of tutorials, of varying quality, which you might find helpful.


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Mountain Goat
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03 Jun 2019, 2:52 pm

Thanks Mona Pereth. I was feeling a bit low and isolated when I wrote this. I am happier now. :)


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caThar4G
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08 Jun 2019, 6:00 am

Mountain Goat,
I also think at times, "why?", for what happens in my life with any relation that treats me in a way I see as judging or unfit.
I also think, well if I did ________ ,maybe then, they'd have a reason to treat me this way.
Sometimes that thinking gets dangerous
because it can get revengful. At least for me. (Mostly about family)
I'm gonna try to distance myself from my family when I am able to.
First, I have to get my son back.



Mountain Goat
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08 Jun 2019, 8:23 am

I hope things work out for you. Don't be too angry with family. Look to the Lord. :) Get yourself sorted so you can have a nice base to live etc., but no hurry.


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Mona Pereth
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03 Jul 2019, 1:14 am

Mountain Goat wrote:
I seem to have the same patterns, but with a few exceptions. Generally speaking, I will find a new friend and then I say something or am a bit too much somehow (As I don't really know how to be friendly without being over friendly somwhow) and the person withdraws, and then I withdraw and break connections or go very distant if they do stay in touch as I don't want to be a burden to them, and to me I am either friends or not.

How do you generally go about making friends, in the first place? What sorts of things are usually the basis of your initial friendships with people? (Knowing this might yield some clues as to how to keep and deepen the friendships.)


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Mountain Goat
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03 Jul 2019, 7:01 am

Most friends I have are through my mother or my youngest brother. I do have two friends who I don't see that often who I would say I was closer to. The others of my age... Well. If I spend too much time with them I could overdo it, so I wait for them to get in touch etc. If I was on my own, I don't know if I would get visitors. I would likely hardly get to talk to anyone. I would then need some sort of stress free part time job to talk to people, or something like that. :) I can see why one of my grandmothers (I used to have two) worked for 10 years after she was supposed to retire as she lied about her age, just because she was getting out and talking to people and felt valued. In those days it was illegal to employ a retired person, though she didn't claimed her pension until after she stopped working. (The athorities would have found out quite quickly if she was claiming her atate pension and working at the same time).
There is a model railway society I could join, but when I have paid them a visit I have been perspiring so much due to nurves etc. They are a nice group of people. It is on the outskirts of a city though. I Am not keen on busy places. I like the countryside. :)


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