Should I feel hurt by this?

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There's this rather emotionally troubled girl at work who is very socially hard work and lacks certain social skills such as affective empathy and politeness (she's not on the spectrum but she has some sort of disorder). Then there's this young girl (only about 15) who is the daughter of one of the men we work with, and after school she sometimes comes to the depot where we work because her school is nearby, and she seems to love the neurotic girl. What I find perplexing about this is this daughter is shy, quiet, studious, quite nervous and basically has every trait completely opposite from the neurotic girl. She's actually more like me in personality. I do talk to her a bit, although she's shy to everybody, and the neurotic girl don't really say a lot to her. One time the neurotic girl weren't there, and the man got his daughter to talk to me, and all she talked about was the neurotic girl and how much she wished she was here.
They often comment on each other's posts on Facebook too, and at Christmas she tagged her family and a couple of best friends, and one of the "best friends" was the neurotic girl, and wrote "merry Christmas to all my favourite people, love you all so much".

I don't know how they've became such good friends, because I knew both of them before they knew each other. The neurotic girl hangs with and dates other troubled people who take drugs and have been in prison, while the quiet girl seems to come from a more stable background (I can tell by how her dad is, she has a similar personality to him, so I assume his wife and other daughters are that type too). In fact the daughter dresses rather geeky and speaks in a posh way. I'm not saying I'm geeky or posh or studious, but I'm still more similar to her than what the neurotic girl is. Them two hardly have anything in common and I can see the daughter choosing a more 'secure' path through life (going to college, getting a good job, etc), while the neurotic girl has already gone down the 'wrong' path (drugs, drink, sleeping around, issues and threatening to leave her job).

I just find this sort of thing perplexing. Also I feel left out. Should I feel hurt by this? Why does this neurotic girl have such a strong influence on people? I know a lot of teenagers think drugs and drink are cool, but not this teenager. Her dad talks about her all the time, and says she's rather homely, loves cooking, and has a circle of decent friends who'd rather be upstairs in her bedroom studying than being out in gangs. He is very close to his daughter too.

I dont understand it either. Ive never understood how people click and I cant. You shouldnt feel hurt. Just that it might be harder for you to click with people. People dont seem that interested in me. I hope that its because Im introverted and not because Im ugly.

It is a wierd mix but sometimes unexpected things happen where we are all the richly blessed when they do. As the one girl who maybe shy needs a friend to open out with and the other girl needs a stable friend who has been brought up well to learn how to conduct herself. So both friends are just right for each other.
I remember an old school teacher who was retired telling me that many of her really shy young pupils married some of the tearaways and vice versa, and she was puzzled by this... But they worked soo soo well as couples.
The same thing can be said with good friends.
You may find an unusual bond that both girls may have and this is on a spiritual level. I have mixed with so many different people being a Christian. People who I would normally never have met. From murderers to the complete other end of the extreme... All having one thing in common. They love Jesus Christ. And this bond is something that brings the most unexpected people together.
Maybe there is a similar connection there as well?

I have seen what you have said so many times though. It seems illogical but when it works it often works better then if they had had similar characters because similar characters can clash.
Its physics... Magnetism... Like poles repel. Unlike poles attract. (The same goes for other nationalities as well... (Joke)).

For a lot of people, the teenage years are often when they start wanting to set themselves apart from their parents. So it might be just a little bit of teenage rebellion, and not understanding at her age all the negative consequences of your colleague's lifestyle - she seems exotic and interesting because she's not like the girl's Mum and Dad, so to speak.

Things like this just get to me though. They've even got each other's phone numbers. I don't have either, nobody's ever asked or hinted that they'd like my phone number, and I'm not sure how to ask without sounding needy or weird. I have them as friends on Facebook but they don't 'like' my posts as much as each other's, even though I sometimes like or comment on their posts. The shy girl put a happy birthday message to me on my birthday, and I did hers, but the neurotic girl didn't put on mine, even though I've put a happy birthday message to her on her birthday. The neurotic girl puts a big happy birthday message on the shy girl's Facebook though when it's her birthday.

I kind of knew someone here would reply using the "opposites attract" theory, but I didn't think that works out with humans like it does magnets. I'm opposite to the neurotic girl too but she don't like me as much as the shy girl, even though she's nearer my age. My boyfriend tells me it's because me and her are different people......but so are her and the shy girl. So I do kinda take it personally. I didn't think I was that s**t at making friends, especially now that my social skills have got better and I'm a female who is good at masking.

I tell you something that I have found in my life.
I find it difficult to befriend men unless they are unusual people.
I find women easier to talk to but women tend to think there must be something wrong with me so they keep their distance. I am rarely on the same wavelength as men so rarely do I interact.
I do not know what women pick up on as they do befriend other men, but here is what I do on a personal level. I don't interact, or I keep my distance if I do. I really expected this with my last girlfriend but she actually wanted to visit me. I found out why she was different. She has asperges. We were bf and gf for a little while but then we parted. Sadly I am no longer in contact with her. She is married now which I am well pleased about as I want the very best for her, and the man she married is a good man.
Now my gut feelings are that women do not want to date me or befriend me as I am different, so they see me as a threat or creepy somehow? For this reason I tend to keep away from women, as I don't want to make women uncomfortable when I am around.
So I keep myself to myself and avoid social settings etc, which is difficult when I keep getting invited to places by family members where I am expected to go as I drive my mum to them. I do enjoy them but am on edge, and try not to get too close.
You are very lucky to have such a nice and understanding boyfriend. Do you need more?

It doesn't matter if you "Should feel hurt" by it. You are allowed to feel any way you do about it. You can't stop other people from liking each other though.

SInce it does hurt, you might mention that to either one or both of them. Don't expect them to read your mind though, that's not fair either.

I didn't know how else to word the title. Also I don't want to stop other people from liking each other, I just wonder why everyone else are always liked more than me. Makes me wonder if I'm a bad person, or at least a stupid person.



I want to sort of lightly bring it up, at the right time, without sounding like I'm questioning. Maybe there's a reason I don't know about.
And um...no, I'm not going to expect anyone to read my mind, I am not that socially inept. It's a good job they CAN'T read my mind, otherwise they will think I'm a jealous person. Maybe it is a little jealousy, because feeling left out does cause feelings similar to jealousy. I'm not horribly jealous, I just hate being socially ostracized in ways I don't understand why.

I think it's definitely introversion. People shut me out because they think my "cold" demeanor is hostility towards them, but I wish they could accept that rather than getting offended by it because I don't know how to change without altering my personality.

But the teenage girl is introverted. I'm introverted too, although I do laugh a lot and I enjoy social interaction and getting jokes. Well, she does too, but she's quieter than I am, and usually stands with her dad, biting her nails and looking shy and nervous.

I didn't mean to imply that you were socially inept, just that your feelings are valid because that's what you are feeling...and that they might also be clueless about how you are feeling excluded.

Do you think its possible that what you are also feeling is more envy rather than jealousy? Neither of them is a "wrong" feeling, but it seems from what you've described that it might be envy.

Whether its envy or jealousy or both though, you are allowed to feel that way and I know being excluded hurts, and I am sorry that they are causing you to feel like that.

When there are other females, I do find myself comparing myself to them, and if I feel like one is superior to me, I get upset because I feel excluded. Social exclusion has happened to me since childhood and I have always been sensitive about it. It even frightens me for some reason, especially if I do feel clueless about why I am excluded or rejected. I know it's a bit illogical to feel this way but I can't help it.

I know these girls aren't excluding me on purpose. They aren't nasty or anything. But I just don't understand why the neurotic girl seems more friendly to the quiet, young girl than she does me, even though I'm nearer the neurotic girl's age and I work with her. I don't come across as distant or cold, because I am rather sociable, enjoy small talk, good at empathising, easygoing and I laugh at jokes (I have a good sense of humour).

I just feel bitter about my Asperger's. I wish I didn't have it. People just say "oh you've just got to live with it". But it's not as simple as that. I feel like I don't feel comfortable in my own skin. I feel like an NT trapped in an Aspie body, and I can't get out. I know AS is in the brain like NT is, but it's the only way I can describe how I really feel about it.

Joe90. You are really appreciated for being you. Just as you are. You may feel different, but think of it as a privelidge. You get to see things others do not. You have abilities that others don't have.
Think of this. Very few NT's understand their own minds. Yet most of rhose on the spectrum have an idea as to how they think. As a NT who you know has NT traits about how they think and watch the blank stare! Haha! And you thought it was an aspy thing! Haha! You watch them try to reply! You have to watch as most will attempt to get out of it by saying things like "Why do you ask me that?" or some other change the subject technique!