Things I've tried to get out of my rut

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I have tried a lot of things others tell me to do to get out of my rut and to be more present but they do not work for me.

Medication: I have taken medications all my life but they do not erase my depressed feelings or help me feel more positive.

Taking college classes: I have taken quite a few college courses but they do not take my focus on my depressed feelings away. I am surrounded by people who can socialize with no trouble and I hate it.

Exercise: I physically burn out very easily even if I do a jog and I never experience a "runner's high" but instead pain and frustration.

Support groups: I used to be a member of an Aspergers support group that started in 2006 but I stopped attending it. The people in the group never truly accepted me as an individual and a lot of them were brainwashed by the Bible Belt.

Self-help books: I've read quite a few but they don't translate to my daily experiences and never help me change my thought patterns.

Ultimately, change needs to come from within, but some people find that these things can help with that.

I don't think change is possible. The way Aspergers has wired my brain and the fact my brain stopped developing physically when I turned 25 means I am doomed.

Do you think part of your problem may be residue from your religious upbringing? For example, not fitting in with your family because you are no longer religious, but, at the same time, not fitting in with people who don't have a religious background because they don't understand your background?

Do you relate to the following? Psychological Issues of Former Fundamentalists

There's also an organization you might find helpful, Recovering from Religion, that has a hotline you can call. Perhaps they can help you find a local support group for ex-fundamentalists?

You may not be religious but you've definitely allowed some rigid patterns of belief take hold. The idea that your brain stopped developing at 25 and now you're doomed to stay the same? Well guess what, that's actually what happens. Most people think of adulthood beginning at whatever age they can drink/vote/drive etc in their culture. But science now suggests that puberty's "computer upgrade" of the child brain into an adult one doesn't finish until about 25. And then, once you reach 25, everybody is basically who they will be for life.
Now in your case you might think that's awful but it really isn't. I've read an amazing book called Stick With It by Sean Young PhD. In it he says exactly what you are. People try all these different gimmicks but nothing seems to work. This is because none of them are pervasive enough as strategies to completely change a behavior or pattern of thinking while constantly maintain that change. Young suggests his S.C.I.E.N.C.E method where each letter is a different facet of a very methodical approach to creating lasting change in people. And he knows it works because of real world applications of his studies (for example, successfully changing the sexual risk taking behavior of gay African American/Hispanic volunteers in a New York City trial for safe sex, counselling, maintaining HIV medication etc).
Sorry if I sound like an infomercial but I really do think his method could help. One other take away from the book though, people who want to alter their habits think they can focus on planning/hoping and then will themselves into action or change. But it turns out this isn't true but rather its the opposite. Simply doing something without thinking too much is more effective and eventually the mind follows (and makes these things habits).
I know when you're in a rut it can be extremely difficult to just take that first step and start doing things. In this case you may have an issue with apathetic boredom that you also need to address.

What exactly is your "rut" you are trying to escape from? That may help people give you more constructive ideas.

So my thought is to start with your values - define them and decide how they affect your day to day life - then work on talents, and look for groups related to talents/interests to find friends. I would worry about a girlfriend last. If you are looking too hard and don't have a rich life outside romance already, it would be hard to attract a meaningful relationship.

What are your values that you struggle to live by, if that isn't too personal?

Think of something you hadn't tried yet.

If your original post says it's true, I'd consider this remaining possibility of a solution;


Knowing overlaps between your mental health issues from more physical ones.

Just an example mind you:
Might be you have issues rooting from somewhere, like, say, inadequate sleep for a root cause? -- In turn lower energy, slower cognition, etc.
As a consequence, making more mistakes, said mistakes affecting your mental health. By having worse mental health, you'll get worse health overall making it a cycle.

Cycles are tricky to break out.
They're common with those that are very vulnerable to comorbids -- coincidentally, like many neurodiverse conditions including autism.

In my case... I really wish I can afford a check up to rule those out. I already ruled out many things out of me, save for this.

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Try time organization strategies and also controlling your thoughts and the stimuli you are surrounded by, within reasonable ability.

The time organization might help with social network building. You have to work to build and maintain them, doubly so for ASD individuals. It is highly perilous to not do this if you don't have adequate support in other ways. Everyone needs help sometimes (whether personally or professionally), and no one wants to help you if you haven't provided an investment into them by building rapport. It sucks but humans are this way. You have to learn the expectations and how to make that investment appropriately because if you're ASD you might not grasp this as innately as others.

Time organization will definitely help cultivating a talent.

The "controlling thoughts and stimuli" will help with reducing anxiety issues that will sabotage your effectiveness at everything else you do. If you're like most people on this site, you have a powerful ability to focus your attention but can meander into mental escapades, especially as a distraction from stress and obligations. Don't allow it to be useless. Define your goals and carry away that mountain one stone at a time with laser focus.

Self care is important. No one is superman and everyone has limitations. Soothe yourself as best you can in ways that are healthy. This is also where "controlling stimuli" is important. Avoid emotional triggers that will derail your focus and be sure to make your home environment relaxing and not cluttered.

I'm not at all the best at doing any of what I've described. In a way I am advising myself and hope you find my thoughts useful.