Not Sure What To Do.

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I am not working. Each job I take has been less hours because I am finding it harder and harder to work as I get older. It could be the stress gets more and more? I do not know. All I know is I get more and more issues with possible partial shutdowns * when I do work or I think about working. Writing this makes me almost have one so I must stay calm....
I am not on benefits as the thought of trying to sign on to get work is too much, and I am not classed as ill etc, as I am not ill.
I have a long time before I am assessed....

[I am now convinced they are partial motor shutdowns where I can delay the effects of the shutdown though by delaying I go i to it deeper. I used to call them energy loss as it felt half way between a faint and energy loss where my body goes limp and I have to lie down or try to lie down as I go to the floor...].

The problem is that in august, where I was working last would like me to work again for a month on low hours. I like the work, and though after the travelling costs I don't earn a lot, I did it to help them and to help me. But last time I had so many partial shutdowns per day that everything was soo difficult... I was really glad when the temporary position came to an end as it takes me ages to recover.
The concern is that I get more partial shutdowns and general panic...

Also just as much of a concern is someone we know asked me if I could fix their two bikes. They do need quite a bit of work but I have so much experience I can almost do it with my eyes closed though I have never tried and it would be a bit dangerous if I did try.. So I keep my eyes open...
But I went to make a start two days ago... I took the wheel off to test the tube so I had the tyre off... And inflated the tube with a bucket of water to check for leeks... And then a partial shutdown comes... I had to go in the house to lie down to recover, and later all I could do was put the wheel, bocket, pump and the tube + tyre away...
So if I struggle to do tasks in my own time and get stressed, how am I going to do it in a work enviroment when the stress is 10 times greater?
It is a huge concern for these reasons.
If my Mum dies I have no food/shelter etc as I have no income.
If it is found that I am assessed to be on the spectrum and my thoughts that these are partial shutdowns confirmed, where do I go from there? As I can't see myself with the ability to support myself... It is already beyond rhe point where I can work enough house a week to support myself (If I lived by myself) if I wanted to. And I don't want to take from the government if I can help it as I am not ill or dissabled. It is really quite a concern...

For now all I can do is wait, which is frustrating... And if in august they invite me to work, what do I do if I can't do it? I have always tried to do my best, but it looks like I am being lazy or just give excuses in life... Going from energy loss to energy loss is soo draining. Every bit of physical effort feels like the air around me is more like quick sand where I am wading through... And people think I am looking for excuses not to do things as they tire me so much and I try to do my best to avoid partial shutdowns as they are not nice...

If you get diagnosed with Asperger's, you'll be able to live like a member of the landed gentry of old on the benefits you'll be eligible for in this country - especially in Wales. There's not necessarily any reason to feel ashamed about being on welfare.

If you really have as much trouble working as you describe, and I don't doubt it, then by the government's definition, you do have a disability; even if it isn't diagnosed yet (and you might be surprised how little difference a formal diagnosis actually makes.) In such a case, you'd be exactly the kind of person for whom that tax money is set aside, and there's no need to feel guilty about claiming it, or about looking for any other kind of support services. I won't pretend that it's an easy task to access this support (my PIP appeal took two years), but I would at least contact a disability adviser to try to get an objective opinion of how your difficulties fit into the formal rules for what counts as "disabled" (Citizen's Advice Bureaus are a good place to start.)

I imagine that it would give your Mum peace of mind to know that you'll be well supported after she's gone, too, so there may be benefits for her well-being as well as yours.


I was tempted to correct your spelling for a moment there; but thankfully, I remembered that you live in Wales!

Leeks... Ah yes! Haha!

I am hoping that over time my body will recover and the stress reduces so I can cope better. The concern I have is that as I have aged things seem to get worse. It is either things are busier here at home ans I am not coping, or my ability to cope in life has been reduced? I do not know. I am very reluctant to try to do anything before I am assessed incase anything I get needs to be paid back if they decide anything different in the future. As I don't have an income other then selling posessions (Which I do need to do as I became a collector of model trains so I have far too many!) and occasionally working part time for a month or two a year.

Last edited by Mountain Goat on 19 Jun 2019, 2:29 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Thanks for the replies both... Very appreciated.

My current thoughts are that it could be a temporary time of too much stress. Today I had an energy loss event... I had to come inside and rest. (Partial shutdown...) I took a little tonic (It is designed to boost energy levels... Minerals etc... Called Metatone and it does sometimes work) and had a little Pepsi Cola and a little ice cream.. I am not fully recovered but about 60-80% recovered, so I am taking it easy... If I do too much now I will get another partial shutdown...

Question. As one gets older do things get worse in this way? I feel like I need a long holiday! Ummm. That would be nice. I LOVE an area which I call my second home. I would LOVE to live there. I first found it because I did a very brave thing... I was working as head of a bicycle department in a sports store. The first year I took the two weeks off in the summer for my holiday. We had two weeks off a year. I stayed at home, but as no one else was there to run the department, I was called in again and again. I worked the whole week. I asked when I could take the holiday and I was told "You have had it!" As I had a standard 33 hours a week contract (I averaged more like 40 or more hour weeks depending on the time of year... 70+ hour weeks before Christmas) which we didn't get overtime so I lost my holiday for that year.
The second year, as my car back then (Volvo 360 GLT) had a tow hitch, I bought a cheap caravan secondhand and when my holiday came I drove north and reached a certain place about 100 to 120 miles away and found a campsite. I LOVED THE AREA SOO MUCH! Now I kept going back as I took my young brother caravanning up there. He was a child then. So we had quite a few mwmorable trips.
as my brother went towards hos teenage years he didn't want to go and I didn't want to go by myself, so the caravans I had stood idle and werw used as sheds and are beyond repair. But I do sometimes drive there foe a long day trip maybe once a year with my mum... We can't stay there and it is a ling drive... But the beautiful fantastic scenery on the way there and back makes the journey worthwhile, and the area I call my second home is beautiful! We spend an hour or three before we return. And there are trains up there! !

Now my theory is, if I could have a long holiday there or even live up there which would be sooo Brill that my energy would come back as I feel the shutdowns may stop or reduce? That is my theory, as whenever I used to go up there I felt alive! I did once have a partial shutdown the last time I drove back as it was 10 hours of driving... So about 40 to 45 minutes from home I had to pull in and spend half an hour to an hour relaxing before I could carry on... (If I get one of these I am able to drive in complete control to reach somewhere to pull in but don't expect me to be able to get out the car and walk!) I rarely ever get them while driving though. This was because I over did it.

Though... Maybe a holiday won't work? I mean... It may not stop the partial shutdowns... But it will make me more cheerful? Ummm...

Thanks for reading... I really do appreciate you all.

Oh... And my current car is just as great as the Volvo 360 GLT I had many years ago... It has taken me years to get a car as good as the old Volvo 360's and the GLT was the best.. My little Mitsi is on par. It has lots of go and economical... Just like the 360's were. If only I could make it last forever!

You maybe right... BUT... I want to be assessed first. I don't want to waste money which all the people earn and work so hard for. If it comes to that.
It would be nice to be able to work full time again without any issues... Dreams of executive adventure...

If you have access to medical care you might want to look deeper into the problems with working. Many people on the autism spectrum also have autoimmune diseases, symptoms really vary depending on the disease. One common theme though is getting really tired and shutting down more in response to stress. I have ulcerative colitis, which affects mostly the colon but also makes me really tired and prone to shutting down. I am in the process of treating it and hope to start working again soon. I hope things turn around for you as well.

Thanks Auroa911. I am on a list to be assessed for asperges/autism. Hopefully this will show what is going on. It could just be a gradual and prolonged accumilation of stress. Could be my age. Could be anything! Either way, being assessed will either rule out or rule in various things to see what is going on.
Since I have been in here I have come to realize that I share many traits of autism, most of which came as a surprize. I was like... "No.. It can't be!" Where I had shock after shock when it dawned on me that things people were explaining that they had, I could personally relate to. Yes, some things I can't relate to. Joining this site has been quite a voyage of discovery!