Autism, Loss, and Grief
I shall try to be brief: I am older (68). I was not diagnosed with an ASD, but was treated for mental illness. This meant many ECT treatments and a 30+ years use of multiple (~44) psychotropic drugs which left me quite "numbed and dumbed." I was finally diagnosed with an ASD 10 years ago. I discontinued all psych. drugs 1 year ago. My parents died, Dad 7 years ago, Mom 6 years ago. Because I was "numbed and dumbed" by medications, I was never really able to sufficiently process their deaths. So, fast forward: May 2018 - discontinued psych. drugs (that has been very rough, but I now feel emotion - intensely...), Sept 28, 2018 - fired (illegally) from my job (have not found another job), Nov 08, 2018 - Paradise, CA destroyed by fire, parents' home destroyed (Paradise was my safe place, the only place where I felt truly comfortable). With the loss of my job (10 years, which was extremely stressful and left no energy to process or understand my ASD diagnosis), I have suddenly had to face all that being autistic in a non-autistic world means (and for me it is very hard). There are other losses, but these are the most significant. My world has been ripped out from under me. I have become irritable/angry and experience many meltdowns/shutdowns. ASD "symptoms" have amplified. How do you handle grief? Dying (unfortunately) is not am option - I have a husband and 2 adult children (who live 2K miles away). What advice do you have for me for getting through this and rediscovering who I am?
dyadiccounterpoint
Velociraptor
Joined: 31 Jan 2019
Age: 32
Gender: Female
Posts: 464
Location: Nashville
I buried my parents as well and am sorry you are struggling with it. I process grief differently than most people, and it tends to be much slower. When they first passed, I didn't seem to be able to feel anything at all. I would get psychological issues afterwards but it wasn't like I was dwelling on it. That could be alexithymia where I'm taking an emotional dive due to the events and not even fully realizing it.
I didn't actually start processing it until very recently, and it began to hurt badly to do so. I still mourn differently than most people do, but at least I'm beginning to define and express my feelings about it.
I'm not surprised you are struggling under the weigh of this, the destruction of your parents' home, and the issues with your recent employer. It's a lot.
My advice would be to try and confront your feelings about these events while simultaneously taking steps to ensure your current environment is soothing to you. There's no avoiding the pain these changes bring, but there might be a chance to avoid prolonged, unnecessary suffering. Communicate your needs to your husband clearly so you can get the proper support for when you're having meltdowns and shutdowns. Try to make time to explore your interests to divert your focus onto something positive.
I wish I could offer better advice and I sincerely hope you grow and develop into the rediscovered self you are seeking.
_________________
We seldom realize, for example, that our most private thoughts and emotions are not actually our own. For we think in terms of languages and images which we did not invent, but which were given to us by our society - Alan Watts
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Renal kidney failure, congestive heart failure, COPD. Can't really get up from a floor position unhelped anymore:-(.
One of the walking wounded ~ SMASHED DOWN by life and age, now prevented from even expressing myself! SOB.
" Oh, no! First you have to PROVE you deserve to go away to college! " ~ My mother, 1978 (the heyday of Andy Gibb and Player). I would still like to go.
My life destroyed by Thorazine and Mellaril - and rape - and the Psychiatric/Industrial Complex. SOB:-(! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !!
This is going to sound really dumb, but put one foot in front of the other, every day. A small accomplishment is a really big deal. I'm not sure if you have insurance, but some churches employ counselors. My sister got free counseling for an 11 year old girl she adopted until she was on their insurance through a church. Hospice also offers grief support, there are grief support groups, in person and online.
I'm sorry for your pain.
_________________
Disagreeing with you doesn't mean I hate you, it just means we disagree.
Neurocognitive exam in May 2019, diagnosed with ASD, Asperger's type in June 2019.
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ASPartOfMe
Veteran
Joined: 25 Aug 2013
Age: 66
Gender: Male
Posts: 34,240
Location: Long Island, New York
Autistics often process grief and other emotions differently. Despite what others say there is no wrong or right to process grief and loss.
I am sorry you were affected by that horrific fire.
_________________
Professionally Identified and joined WP August 26, 2013
DSM 5: Autism Spectrum Disorder, DSM IV: Aspergers Moderate Severity
“My autism is not a superpower. It also isn’t some kind of god-forsaken, endless fountain of suffering inflicted on my family. It’s just part of who I am as a person”. - Sara Luterman
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