"I don't have time for people who aren't open to this"

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Summer_Twilight
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11 Jul 2019, 8:58 pm

This evening, I ran into some neighbors who were chatting and I went to say "Hello" which was fine at first until I let the cat out of the bag about having a disability and how I want to drive. I also mentioned what my goals are, which are moving closer to the city when. When one of my neighbors started talking to me about looking at affordable housing and perhaps doing a coop. He also started asking me whether I qualify for mobility. I told him that it was none of his business because we barely know each other. It is a hot button whenever anyone starts asking me personal questions about what kinds of special services I get just because I have a disability. I started to tell him that which led him to walk away and say the above. I said, "And I never will." He goes, "Yeah that's why I am leaving."

What's a good way to handle this because these kinds of situations just tick me off.



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12 Jul 2019, 7:23 am

Summer_Twilight wrote:
This evening, I ran into some neighbors who were chatting and I went to say "Hello" which was fine at first until I let the cat out of the bag about having a disability and how I want to drive. I also mentioned what my goals are, which are moving closer to the city when. When one of my neighbors started talking to me about looking at affordable housing and perhaps doing a coop. He also started asking me whether I qualify for mobility. I told him that it was none of his business because we barely know each other. It is a hot button whenever anyone starts asking me personal questions about what kinds of special services I get just because I have a disability. I started to tell him that which led him to walk away and say the above. I said, "And I never will." He goes, "Yeah that's why I am leaving."

What's a good way to handle this because these kinds of situations just tick me off.


You just told a relative stranger your business - you can't really complain when that same stranger asks you questions about that business



Summer_Twilight
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12 Jul 2019, 7:35 am

How do I stop being an open book to people? Generally, I am a people person.



red_doghubb
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12 Jul 2019, 7:47 am

Summer_Twilight wrote:
How do I stop being an open book to people? Generally, I am a people person.


being open does not mean you must spill your guts to people you hardly know.

A) "Too much information" (TMI) is a turn off to a lot of people esp ones you barely know
B) some people might use TMI against you
C) Some people take TMI to mean you've given them permission to comment or make suggestions on your situation (and thus get puzzled and angry when you tell them it's none of their business, esp. if they mean well)

I can't tell you how to be open in other ways- you'll need to experiment and find your groove. But personal info should be shared only with people you know and trust. That way you won't put yourself in the position of asking "how do I handle these situations" in the first place.



Summer_Twilight
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12 Jul 2019, 8:52 am

I appreciate the first part with the A,B,C that's helpful but on I the last part about avoiding the "How should I handle this?" seems a little critical on your part. Besides, isn't wrong planet a place where we are supposed to help each other out? My question is not dumb, in fact, people on here ask the very same question all the time for their situations.



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12 Jul 2019, 8:58 am

You opened up, and most people aren't that tolerant of people doing that in the first place. But he was kind to you, gave you his time and listened to you, then he was making an effort by trying to be helpful to you, then you shot him down by accusing him of being rude.


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12 Jul 2019, 8:59 am

Summer_Twilight wrote:
I appreciate the first part with the A,B,C that's helpful but on I the last part about avoiding the "How should I handle this?" seems a little critical on your part. Besides, isn't wrong planet a place where we are supposed to help each other out? My question is not dumb, in fact, people on here ask the very same question all the time for their situations.


I did not say or imply it was dumb. I'm saying by circumscribing your communication with ppl you don't know well, you'll avoid the unpleasantness of feeling "ticked off".



Summer_Twilight
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15 Jul 2019, 8:02 am

Thank you, everyone:

1. I will learn not to be such an open book with people in telling them my personal information
2. I also had a chance to do some thinking and I have decided to calmly tell them "I am not comfortable talking about this. Can we change the subject?"



smudge
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15 Jul 2019, 8:28 am

Summer_Twilight wrote:
Thank you, everyone:

1. I will learn not to be such an open book with people in telling them my personal information
2. I also had a chance to do some thinking and I have decided to calmly tell them "I am not comfortable talking about this. Can we change the subject?"


That's a good first step. Well done.

I think it would be nice to say sorry to him too, to ease things.


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Summer_Twilight
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15 Jul 2019, 8:46 am

I think so too



Fnord
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15 Jul 2019, 8:55 am

Summer_Twilight wrote:
How do I stop being an open book to people? Generally, I am a people person.
You just ... stop, that's all. It takes more effort to do something than to not do it. Logically, you simply don't put forth any effort to tell anyone anything, and your problem is solved.


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kraftiekortie
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15 Jul 2019, 9:02 am

I would have to confirm what others are saying

DON'T TELL PEOPLE YOUR BUSINESS.



smudge
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15 Jul 2019, 9:11 am

smudge wrote:
Summer_Twilight wrote:
Thank you, everyone:

1. I will learn not to be such an open book with people in telling them my personal information
2. I also had a chance to do some thinking and I have decided to calmly tell them "I am not comfortable talking about this. Can we change the subject?"


That's a good first step. Well done.

I think it would be nice to say sorry to him too, to ease things.


Let me reword that. I think it would benefit you to say sorry to him, to ease things.


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Summer_Twilight
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18 Jul 2019, 7:09 am

Thanks for your help Smudge and I would be happy too. That said, another neighbor who I am good friends happens to serve on the homeowner's association board with him. She has a very good insight on all the types of people who live in the complex as she has to deal with them on a regular basis. Apparently, he has been getting a lot of complaints from others who live in my complex. He evidently is very arrogant and tends to talk down to everyone about the way they do things. So it looks like I am not alone.



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18 Jul 2019, 7:31 am

Stick with the nice neighbour, ignore the nasty neighbour and don't bother apologising. A very recent experience has taught me you can't win either way with some people.
If you speak up it's too much information, if you try to keep to yourself you're distant, cold, unfriendly. Best not to worry about it... the right people will like you for the right reasons.


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smudge
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18 Jul 2019, 8:13 am

Hmm, well, I guess we can't tell from the information that you've given us Summer. I hope things resolve for you soon. It's always a good idea to be on the friendly side with neighbours (from my experience).


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