I need advice for my daughter on making a friends and her th

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leiselmum
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12 Jul 2019, 7:14 am

I’m a parent of a 22 year-old daughter. She has zero social skills and zero friends. Her boundaries are non existent as I’ve realised my 5 year old grandchild could make my daughter do things she doesn’t want to, and other things I’ve noticed that she is not safe, in the wrong hands.

My daughter is going to LEGO club on fridays for 2 hours. There is a guy there who builds brilliant LEGO creations, and he is kind of non verbal, but he has the confidence to try and really doesn’t use his proloqua2go as I would really like to understand him better. His speech is like a one year old, there is a sound but no recognizable start or end for me to predict his words. I get upset with my self as I don’t want him to think I’m rude but I look to the other people to help me out understand what he is trying to say.

He has had a haircut since meeting my daughter, and he wants to get to know her. I’m very protective. Her body language is poor and there are no boundaries that she has for herself. Today he told her she is pretty and she said thank-you. They are trying to organize going to the movies but there would be a disability worker going with. My daughter only really speaks when someone directly asks her a question. She never starts any talking and then it’s brief. I’m slightly panicking, as I know the risk to her for to be abused is higher than for neuroypicals. People who have the wrong intention would learn that in 5 minutes around my daughter that she is an easy target.

I would love for her to have a ‘friend’ things need to proceed with lots of support. She does not know how to express how she feels about most things. If I knew how she felt about anything, I could assist her more, she is a little more expressive on her iPad. I’m stressing out big time. How does this work? She is barely verbal in public and he is with a moderate to severe speech impairment. They told me his words are in his mind, but they don’t come out right. I just needed a platform for my stress. I’m up for any support/ advice. :)



magz
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12 Jul 2019, 7:38 am

1. What is your dauthter's official status diagnosis and disability - wise?
2. What is her relationship to your 5yo grandchild?
3. Aren't you a bit overprotective? She will never have friends if she's not allowed to try on her own.


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jimmy m
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12 Jul 2019, 8:02 am

It seems like your question is not about making friends but rather experimenting with making a boyfriend!

Perhaps a game where she takes a block and then he adds one block to it and gives it back to her so she can add another block. And see what they can jointly assemble out of lego blocks. Can they work together? It might spur a need for them to communicate.


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Mona Pereth
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30 Jul 2019, 1:03 am

leiselmum wrote:
He has had a haircut since meeting my daughter, and he wants to get to know her. I’m very protective. Her body language is poor and there are no boundaries that she has for herself. Today he told her she is pretty and she said thank-you. They are trying to organize going to the movies but there would be a disability worker going with. My daughter only really speaks when someone directly asks her a question. She never starts any talking and then it’s brief. I’m slightly panicking, as I know the risk to her for to be abused is higher than for neuroypicals. People who have the wrong intention would learn that in 5 minutes around my daughter that she is an easy target.

If there will be a disability worker with them at all times, then he's not going to rape her, if that's one of the things you're worried about.

However, in the event that they both end up falling in love with each other, do you think they would both be capable of understanding the need for birth control? Would it be possible for you to have a conversation with the guy's parents about this?


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Mona Pereth
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30 Jul 2019, 2:21 am

magz wrote:
1. What is your dauthter's official status diagnosis and disability - wise?

These are important questions. Also, to leiselmum: Do you know the age and diagnosis of the guy who is befriending her at the LEGO club?

magz wrote:
2. What is her relationship to your 5yo grandchild?

It would appear that leiselmum' main concerns pertain NOT to the 5yo grandchild (who was mentioned only as an example of how easily manipulated her 22-year-old daughter is) but rather to the guy at the LEGO club -- who I've assumed is closer to the 22-year-old daughter's own age. (leiselmum, is that correct?)

magz wrote:
3. Aren't you a bit overprotective? She will never have friends if she's not allowed to try on her own.

In my opinion we don't yet know enough about the situation to judge whether leiselmum is being overprotective.


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cyberdad
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30 Jul 2019, 2:57 am

Hi Lieselmum

I'm a father of a 14yr old girl so I kind of expect this is the type of dilemma I will have to face in the not too distant future.

I think if there is a disability worker present then that might alleviate some of your concerns that the boy might manipulate her in order to touch/kiss.

I think you may need to talk to your daughter and objectively explain the "birds and the bees" and how its important to be friends with this boy but keep her distance till she is really sure she is comfortable/happy in his company.

Would your daughter mind if you tag along?



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02 Aug 2019, 10:30 pm

There seems to be a preponderance of people who ask for advice then vanish from this forum?