Page 2 of 2 [ 23 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2

red_doghubb
Velociraptor
Velociraptor

Joined: 23 Oct 2018
Gender: Female
Posts: 455
Location: NYC

07 Aug 2019, 7:13 am

QFT wrote:
So when I first messaged her she was replying right away and we exchanged like 5 back and forth messages within half an hour or so. Then in response to her last question I took an hour and a half to reply and she was online this whole time, but when I finally replied she went offline and after that she would take over a week to reply. Then after a month of radio silence she just messaged me herself yesterday. So I am not sure if there was another guy with whom it didn't work out or anything like that. In any case, the chances are is there is nothing to lose here. Maybe I can cuss at her?



uh, no. That's messed up.



QFT
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 27 Jun 2019
Age: 41
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,835

07 Aug 2019, 7:32 am

Fireblossom wrote:
QFT wrote:
Case in point: I just read the OP of viewtopic.php?f=7&t=378771&p=8304309#p8304309 and this really makes me want to cuss at someone. It just happens my future roommates want to meet up for the first time. I am somewhat tempted to cuss at them. But they are both male, so I am worried that if I cuss at them they would interpret my being emotional about male-only situation as my being gay, and I don't want that. The other possibility is to cuss at that one girl on a dating site. So when I first messaged her she was replying right away and we exchanged like 5 back and forth messages within half an hour or so. Then in response to her last question I took an hour and a half to reply and she was online this whole time, but when I finally replied she went offline and after that she would take over a week to reply. Then after a month of radio silence she just messaged me herself yesterday. So I am not sure if there was another guy with whom it didn't work out or anything like that. In any case, the chances are is there is nothing to lose here. Maybe I can cuss at her?


Why would you take your anger out on a completely innocent woman who has nothing to do with it?! 8O

Stop it, it's horrible. Maybe you should find yourself a therapist to deal with your anger issues.


Update: After I let out the steam by writing the above paragraph, I was able to stop myself from actually cussing out the people mentioned there (or anyone else). And now that a couple of days have passed I no longer want to cuss them out. So that was good.

Unfortunately in the past I wasn't nearly as successful at stopping the tantrums, but at least I was able to stop this particular one.



Fireblossom
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 18 Jan 2017
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,735

07 Aug 2019, 11:43 am

QFT wrote:
Fireblossom wrote:
QFT wrote:
Case in point: I just read the OP of viewtopic.php?f=7&t=378771&p=8304309#p8304309 and this really makes me want to cuss at someone. It just happens my future roommates want to meet up for the first time. I am somewhat tempted to cuss at them. But they are both male, so I am worried that if I cuss at them they would interpret my being emotional about male-only situation as my being gay, and I don't want that. The other possibility is to cuss at that one girl on a dating site. So when I first messaged her she was replying right away and we exchanged like 5 back and forth messages within half an hour or so. Then in response to her last question I took an hour and a half to reply and she was online this whole time, but when I finally replied she went offline and after that she would take over a week to reply. Then after a month of radio silence she just messaged me herself yesterday. So I am not sure if there was another guy with whom it didn't work out or anything like that. In any case, the chances are is there is nothing to lose here. Maybe I can cuss at her?


Why would you take your anger out on a completely innocent woman who has nothing to do with it?! 8O

Stop it, it's horrible. Maybe you should find yourself a therapist to deal with your anger issues.


Update: After I let out the steam by writing the above paragraph, I was able to stop myself from actually cussing out the people mentioned there (or anyone else). And now that a couple of days have passed I no longer want to cuss them out. So that was good.

Unfortunately in the past I wasn't nearly as successful at stopping the tantrums, but at least I was able to stop this particular one.


That's good. Maybe you could start a thread called "QFT venting" on this forum (either in haven or members only) and write on that thread every time you feel like complaining to someone?



Roboto
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

Joined: 22 Jul 2019
Age: 45
Gender: Male
Posts: 336

07 Aug 2019, 11:47 am

I would invest in a real punching bag and meet with a professional to work through your challenges.
Hopefully you can recognize your past actions, and your current disregard for the magnitude of what experiences you are willing to inflict on others is unhealthy for all involved.



QFT
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 27 Jun 2019
Age: 41
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,835

07 Aug 2019, 12:30 pm

Fireblossom wrote:
QFT wrote:
Fireblossom wrote:
QFT wrote:
Case in point: I just read the OP of viewtopic.php?f=7&t=378771&p=8304309#p8304309 and this really makes me want to cuss at someone. It just happens my future roommates want to meet up for the first time. I am somewhat tempted to cuss at them. But they are both male, so I am worried that if I cuss at them they would interpret my being emotional about male-only situation as my being gay, and I don't want that. The other possibility is to cuss at that one girl on a dating site. So when I first messaged her she was replying right away and we exchanged like 5 back and forth messages within half an hour or so. Then in response to her last question I took an hour and a half to reply and she was online this whole time, but when I finally replied she went offline and after that she would take over a week to reply. Then after a month of radio silence she just messaged me herself yesterday. So I am not sure if there was another guy with whom it didn't work out or anything like that. In any case, the chances are is there is nothing to lose here. Maybe I can cuss at her?


Why would you take your anger out on a completely innocent woman who has nothing to do with it?! 8O

Stop it, it's horrible. Maybe you should find yourself a therapist to deal with your anger issues.


Update: After I let out the steam by writing the above paragraph, I was able to stop myself from actually cussing out the people mentioned there (or anyone else). And now that a couple of days have passed I no longer want to cuss them out. So that was good.

Unfortunately in the past I wasn't nearly as successful at stopping the tantrums, but at least I was able to stop this particular one.


That's good. Maybe you could start a thread called "QFT venting" on this forum (either in haven or members only) and write on that thread every time you feel like complaining to someone?


Thanks for suggestion! I just started it: viewtopic.php?t=379111



QFT
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 27 Jun 2019
Age: 41
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,835

07 Aug 2019, 12:39 pm

Roboto wrote:
I would invest in a real punching bag and meet with a professional to work through your challenges.
Hopefully you can recognize your past actions, and your current disregard for the magnitude of what experiences you are willing to inflict on others is unhealthy for all involved.


Actually I "would" feel bad for the actual punching bag, since its weak and defenseless. I guess in case of people I don't view them as weak and defenseless since I tend to see myself as a victim. Maybe thats part of my problem. Back when one of my ex-s was really sick and I saw her as weak I was treating her very well -- but once she was no longer that sick I didn't treat her that well any more. When she was breaking up with me she spitefully told me that I need to find a girl that is permanently sick since thats the only time I can treat people well. Well, I don't want to sign under this since I want to change (I mean I can't afford ruining the rest of my life by having this mindset) but that is probably the reason why I wouldn't get the real punching bag: I wouldn't want to hurt it.

By the way, back when I was little I remember reading a Russian story about a kid who, in a cloudy day, was wishing for that little bright thing you would see on a furniture when sunlight shines against it (in Russian they call it "sunny bunny" but I don't know how to call it in English). And then it happened that the sunny bunny magically appeared, but it wanted to teach the boy various life lessons. So one of the lessons it taught him was the following story. The story involved a kid who really wanted to learn how to box, and he had nothing to box with, so finally he decided to box with one of his old forgotten toys. At first he was boxing with it without giving it any second thought, but then at one point that toy threw its arms up (just by accident, it wasn't alive or anythign) but the boy then felt pity about it and stopped boxing with it and tried to make it feel better. Well thats exactly how I feel when I think of real punching bag! Sure, punching bag isn't a toy so its not as bad as doing it with a toy -- but it reminds me of that story that I read.



Roboto
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

Joined: 22 Jul 2019
Age: 45
Gender: Male
Posts: 336

07 Aug 2019, 3:40 pm

Ah, that’s a difficult relationship and understanding with inanimate objects that I can’t really relate to so I’ll bow out of the conversation.

Best of luck and congratulations on confronting your most recent challenge with success.