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firemonkey
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30 Jul 2019, 9:25 am

The overestimation of a person's ability or the underestimation?


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kraftiekortie
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30 Jul 2019, 9:27 am

Underestimation----because, then, you have the opportunity to prove someone wrong.

I wish I were "overestimated" LOL



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30 Jul 2019, 9:32 am

firemonkey wrote:
The overestimation of a person's ability or the underestimation?
It depends on the context. Both can be equally disastrous when applied to dating, for example. A man who overestimates his ability to get a girlfriend is likely to "hit on" exceptionally attractive women only to be disappointed over and over again, while a man who underestimates his ability to get a girlfriend will likely to assume he is undateable and give up completely. Either way, the results are the same -- the man can't get a date.


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IstominFan
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30 Jul 2019, 9:34 am

Underestimation is definitely worse, because you find yourself having to accept less for yourself every time.

However, overestimation can put stress on a person, especially if you really find that you don't know what you're doing. You risk somebody saying, "I'm disappointed in you."



firemonkey
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30 Jul 2019, 9:35 am

A lot of people tend to overestimate my abilities based on my verbal skills .


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kraftiekortie
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30 Jul 2019, 10:59 am

You have good abilities in the verbal realm.

Maybe you're not good at some things----but then, isn't everybody "not good at some things?"

As long as you don't harm somebody, you're cool. I bet your stepdaughter thinks the world of you.



firemonkey
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30 Jul 2019, 11:49 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
I bet your stepdaughter thinks the world of you.


Yes she does, and I do her. Truth is I'm much better off for having moved here. It took her over a decade to persuade me to do so. I was very phobic about the thought of moving. Especially getting set up in a new place. What pushed me into moving was my block of flats going to be demolished , and her making it clear she'd do everything to make a move near her go as smoothly as possible . She did a sterling job.

I have also had a greater recognition of my issues here thanks to support from her . At my last place I was the typical ,chronic severely mentally ill person who was self neglecting, but not being a social nuisance. The kind that mental health services chooses to ignore unless you've got a family member fighting your corner.

After over 40 years of no one looking beyond a mental illness, it took 7 months from being referred for assessment here to get an Asperger's diagnosis . My stepdaughter was a great help with that, having done care work with those on the spectrum.


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timf
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30 Jul 2019, 1:39 pm

I have inadvertently frustrated people a couple of times by speaking French or Italian with good pronunciation but limited to a vocabulary of 10-20 words. They have felt tricked into thinking I was more fluent than I was.

I found it helps to mispronounce things so that the expectations of others are not erroneously raised.

I am not sure you could do something similar when meeting people, but you might be able to approximate it by asking simple questions so that the other person has lower expectations.



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30 Jul 2019, 3:54 pm

Granted I almost always am overestimated, so this may just be me thinking "the grass is greener on the other side of the fence," so to speak, but at least when you're underestimated, it's a good thing to prove people wrong. Being constantly overestimated, I just get accused of being lazy, not trying hard enough, or not caring when in actuality, I'm trying my hardest - basically I've spent most of my life being told my best isn't good enough because no one believes that it really is my best.


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When you try to assume, it makes an a** out of u and me.

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firemonkey
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30 Jul 2019, 4:37 pm

timf wrote:
I have inadvertently frustrated people a couple of times by speaking French or Italian with good pronunciation but limited to a vocabulary of 10-20 words. They have felt tricked into thinking I was more fluent than I was.

I found it helps to mispronounce things so that the expectations of others are not erroneously raised.

I am not sure you could do something similar when meeting people, but you might be able to approximate it by asking simple questions so that the other person has lower expectations.



I wish I could remember the French I learnt. I started doing French for A level , but dropped it due to the fact my academic performance went in the toilet due to getting ill. ECT during my first hospitalisation wiped away most of what I'd known .

As for asking simple questions, that might work for speaking to total strangers . My problem is people expecting my practical intelligence to be good . My stepdaughter knows I struggle in that area,which is something other people , including my parents and mental health professionals , have never worked out .


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AnonymousAnonymous
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30 Jul 2019, 4:53 pm

Underestimation


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31 Jul 2019, 11:42 am

Underestimation is worse. I was underestimated by my dad and I ended up being a hippie. I don't have any problems with being a hippie. I wonder what I would have been if my dad had the same expectations for my future that he had for the future of my NT younger sister.


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31 Jul 2019, 6:07 pm

firemonkey wrote:
A lot of people tend to overestimate my abilities based on my verbal skills .
Me too. It has actually crippled me to be overestimated. I think the two extremes are equally bad.


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31 Jul 2019, 6:08 pm

dragonsanddemons wrote:
Granted I almost always am overestimated, so this may just be me thinking "the grass is greener on the other side of the fence," so to speak, but at least when you're underestimated, it's a good thing to prove people wrong. Being constantly overestimated, I just get accused of being lazy, not trying hard enough, or not caring when in actuality, I'm trying my hardest - basically I've spent most of my life being told my best isn't good enough because no one believes that it really is my best.
I can relate to that 100%


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kraftiekortie
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31 Jul 2019, 6:10 pm

Nobody has ever "overestimated" me.



IsabellaLinton
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31 Jul 2019, 6:19 pm

To answer the question, I think overestimating is worse. The overestimating person might set expectations so high that you will always feel like a failure or disappointment. I think we've all been there with our autism, masking and jumping through hoops for other people before burning out. They're both bad though.


In my life people generally overestimate my ability in the areas where I'm weak, and they underestimate the areas where I excel. People have often misjudged or misunderstood me, from school teachers to friends to employers.


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