liking sex as an idea but difficult to actually do it

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Hello all,

I wonder if anyone here, like me, feels horny and wants to have sex almost every day. But when real sex comes it is just twisted and hurting and too much.

Every day, I masturbate to feel good in a specific way for several seconds. I would usually imagine a story in my head, recently have switched to female-friendly porn while fantasizing a guy i really liked. I don't touch myself I just squeeze my legs.

But when it comes to real sex, it either hurts, or doesn't feel like what I imagined it to be. Sometimes it just takes too long and I know I will not come, sometimes I don't want to suck a dick, etc. It's very different from masturbation.

I haven't had sex for a year now after realizing I was having some sexual problems. So when I meet guys I like now I get extremely horny. And I really would like my first experience after this long abstinence to be good. ANY SUGGESTIONS???

From what I've read, this is a somewhat common issue among autistic women.

Since you're in NYC, you might want to ask about this at the AANE-NY women's support group in September.

If you like the idea of PIV sex in fantasy even though you don't enjoy it in real life, have you tried asking a gynecologist for advice? Also, I've heard that there are such things as "vaginal dilators," available at some sex toy stores, which might be helpful.

In my case, I simply have no desire for PIV sex. In my twenties I dealt with this by exploring the sexual kink scene, where I also managed to make lots of good friends.

Oh yes it used to be like that in my 20s. However I mostly trained myself to keep focused on my stories and fantasies during sex. That way I can ignore sensory stuff. It's not that I don't like my husband. I think he's very cute, but all the sensory stimulation are a bit too much that I become too distracted. For example I really hate sweat, but if my brain is busy then I can ignore it. You'll find your way of staying focused. Everyone is different. I know many people do it to relax. I do it to accomplish.

You remind me of myself when younger
My story is long and complicated
But I'll just say that I finally found a suitable partner at 50 years old
He's a little younger
He's smart and listens and genuinely tries to please me
He has discovered what no one else has bothered to and I didn't know myself
That my back and neck are incredibly sensitive erogenous zones and that being gentle is usually how to get results
Because he cared enough to figure these things out
Looking back on all my previous experiences, especially with my abusive husband, there was never more than a token effort to accommodate my needs
Not all partners are the same, and who you are with and whether they care about you will make a massive difference to your experience
I can understand that a one off experience might be fun for some people and I don't like to judge anyone's choices
But with the situation I'm currently in, I do find it hard to believe that anything is better than a genuine emotional bond with someone you have good chemistry with, and are compatible with, especially with regards to sex drive
If you both communicate honestly about it and are willing to cultivate things you can develop a beautiful intimate relationship with an amazing sex life
I only met him after finally giving up on a bad marriage and I was fifty
I'm a freak and thought it was simply not possible
But he's a freak too and we look perfectly normal to each other
So you really never know what will happen in life