Turned 31 without a girlfriend. Is it time to give up?

Post Reply New Topic

I have actually tried to not think about the girlfriend issue but seeing couples wherever I go, media focusing on relationships, and family members’ relationships keep making it stay on my mind. It’s like an injury that I can’t get treatment for.



It’s made me wish I could will myself out of life. I don’t want to live past my 30’s at this rate.



I have had romantic love in my life but it was brief so it often feels like it didn’t happen. Family love is not enough for me because they always get irritated with me.

I may not suffer from alcohol related problems but being an individual hasn’t paid off for me.

I am glad my detractors haven’t posted on here. I hope it stays that way.

I'm sorry for the social minority experience. BTDT. To repeat myself in a different way: To survive --to thrive-- I had to choose what I didn't want as what I wanted and make it my own. It's far easier said then done to change focus: for me, lots of grief, loss and then move forward. There was one person who was doing amazing things in her "chosen" circumstances and said she still got twinges of grief from time to time but it lessened and she was living a life she loved. I'm trying to make that transition myself with my ASD self-diagnosis ---- embrace who I am, thrive. Once I can handle the teasing, I'll know I am more there.

It's common for romantic partners get irritated with each other. Both my exes & current girlfriend got irritated with me alot, my current still does. I got irritated with both my exes a lot as well & I still get irritated with my current. I think about the only romantic relationship most people can have where partners don't get irritated with each other from at least time to time, is a fantasy relationship in your head. It is possible for a romantic partner to not express irritation but that's usually in cases where the partner is afraid to express irritation cuz he/she is very dependent on the other or he/she is afraid of the other.

I’ve actually been told I should give up completely by someone here. She also accused me of buying into PUA or Red Pill but I do not go for those things. The ones who push for those things are usually rednecks or hip-hip thugs.

I've been called Misogynist on various forums including this one before but that was like a decade ago. Terms like PUA & Red Pill weren't as popular then. I know what you mean about the rednecks & hip-hop thugs pushing those things.

Yuck for discouragement. When it's so ridiculous perhaps it's easier to put aside? I'm fairly naïve and don't know those terms and won't bother googling them. I'll assume yuck.

Not that it's the same thing at all, but when I had infertility I hated it when folks would say "You need to stop trying" or "relax". Of course there is some truth in it, but it's incomplete and I did not find it encouraging.

I prefer: Kudos for all your efforts. I'm sorry it hasn't worked out (yet). I hope you find a way in which it days. Take care of you!

They are redneck and hip-hop thug philosophies. They want women to be subservient and perform oral sex on command to them.

Forgive me if I am wrong but isn’t infertility supposed to be permanent?

They don’t do that at all. They want me to give up because they think I am “dangerous” to women which is wrong. If anyone is dangerous to women, it’s the rednecks, hip-hip thugs, and “bad boys” who tell their girlfriends “Shut the f**k up, b***h!” and punch them.

Ironically, a lot of my detractors here behave very much like the PUAs or Red Pillers they claim to hate so much.

I noticed that people in general(Aspies, NTs, & others) tend to project their issues onto others. I know they're being hypocritical but calling them on it does no good cuz they'll just shout at you till their out of breath. I think the best option is to just ignore them & maybe report their posts if they seem trollish

Have you tried converting some of the Rednecks and hip-hoppers?

Marknis,

I am curious as to why you repeatedly post questions with the same theme? It appears that your circumstances remain unchanged yet you so strongly desire a romantic relationship. The prognosis for a romantic relationship is not very good if the circumstances do not change. You have a good idea of what your situation is and I would suggest that you take something that can be easily achieved on the list and tackle it first. Once you are victorious over that one, then go on to another. One issue at a time. You are young and have time. I understand that it is easier said than done, but be determined, be persistent in you efforts to affect change in your life and the results may surprise you.

It’s never crossed my mind to convert rednecks or hip-hip thugs.

And I wonder why you thought it was ok to side with someone (serpentari) who attacked me?

I am not siding with anyone Marknis. I am curious and was seeking clarity. I also offered what is sound advice yet you refuse to acknowledge that part and jump to the conclusion that I am siding with someone who you feel attacked you. Your response is insightful, but not at all surprising. I wish you well and will not bother you further.

It's certainly harder when you are out and about and you see it around you. It's not something that is just going to 'poof' go away by not thinking about it. It takes some time to refocus your energy and mind to other things. Or at the very least to learn to block it out.


I am sorry O_O I could have given you a more Psychologically positive response but man I don't want to spout something to you that I myself am on the fence about. Truly I do believe that although I, we, you, may often feel 'less than and 'not enough' that does not mean that we are that. It's a message that we get from others but that doesn't make it truth.



Yeah when it's brief or a long time goes in between encounters it can feel sort of unreal to a degree. I also have tended to find that familial love isn't enough when you're not real close to them. There's a lack of connection and understanding even though there is a blood tie. Then I've not really had friends either so what has save me are my animals, my horse in particular. Would an animal be an option for you? For me, I don't know if it'd be the same for you but because they love unconditionally and needs you to be there for them. To take care of them it gives a feeling of purpose so that, I don't feel so alone.

I'm not saying that you should get a pet in loo of a girlfriend, just that the time spent with one may help you feel better as a person that would then help you be more successful in getting and maintaining a relationship. Animals have been far more reliable and accepting of my love than any human has to date too >_>



I 'suspect' that him mentioning that you were siding with that other person, was about something that had happened in the past. Which has colored his perspective of you and thus took your comment as aggression and a continuation of you showing yourself to be kind of an 'enemy'. If I'm wrong he can correct me.

^this isn't really fair Marknis. I don't know what words were said in the past but even people that may have been negative or mean, one time or another still may have something to say that you can use to help yourself. This particular comment he made might not be something you want to hear or deal with but there isn't any malice in it. When you hold onto these preconceptions, and keep bringing them back up like when you feel/believe serpentari attacked you, you're re-victimizing yourself. It makes it so that you are projecting that onto other people who actually are trying to mean well but also so that you are continuing to beat yourself down. Why are you doing that to yourself?