single, happily married, unhappily married, divorced?

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What is your long-term relationship status?
Single and expect to remain so 18%  18%  [ 12 ]
Single so far but hoping for relationship 17%  17%  [ 11 ]
In a relationship, and expect to remain so 39%  39%  [ 26 ]
In a relationship but not happy with it 2%  2%  [ 1 ]
In a relationship but partner is not happy with it 3%  3%  [ 2 ]
Separated or divorced 18%  18%  [ 12 ]
Other 3%  3%  [ 2 ]
Total votes : 66

MrsPeel
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31 Aug 2019, 1:33 am

Ah, yes. I can imagine an AS-BPD combo might be an emotional rollercoaster.



auntblabby
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31 Aug 2019, 1:38 am

i aged but i also learned from it.



cyberdad
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31 Aug 2019, 1:48 am

Not sure if this was already covered but my wife and I are NT and the rate of divorce among NT couples who have autistic kids is higher than the general population.

If anything NT couples have it harder as we have no idea how to handle autism (therefore what to expect) when the meltdowns start (I know I was totally baffled).

An indication of how bad divorce is to check autism newsfeed and see the number of single NT mothers with an autistic child having to cope with little or no help. It's one of the reasons I deliberately call myself "cyberdad" as there's a only a few of us males who do the right thing and not run away when they discover their new baby is going to grow up to be "rainman",

There's a lot of useless cowardly males out there shirking their parental responsiblities.



auntblabby
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31 Aug 2019, 1:55 am

nobody is totally useless, they can always serve as a bad example. i guess i'm a bad example. :oops:



cyberdad
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31 Aug 2019, 1:59 am

auntblabby wrote:
nobody is totally useless, they can always serve as a bad example. i guess i'm a bad example. :oops:

You have a kid?



auntblabby
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31 Aug 2019, 2:01 am

cyberdad wrote:
auntblabby wrote:
nobody is totally useless, they can always serve as a bad example. i guess i'm a bad example. :oops:

You have a kid?

as far from it as is possible. but based on my alarmed reaction to my sometimes violent autistic nephew and long-suffering niece, i'm a rotten great uncle.



cyberdad
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31 Aug 2019, 2:04 am

I'm not in a position to judge an uncle for not spending enough time with their nephew/neice.

I was talking about fathers running away from their parental responsibility. NTs dads do have a bad reputation.



auntblabby
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31 Aug 2019, 2:06 am

i honest-to-christ have no idea how i'd fare as a parent of autistic children. if i had to raise a kid like how i was, i'd lose my marbles after a short while.



cyberdad
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31 Aug 2019, 2:08 am

auntblabby wrote:
i honest-to-christ have no idea how i'd fare as a parent of autistic children. if i had to raise a kid like how i was, i'd lose my marbles after a short while.


It can be both the most terrifying and most rewarding experience. I myself don't think I am the best dad but then how many of us really know what makes a great dad?



auntblabby
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31 Aug 2019, 2:13 am

cyberdad wrote:
auntblabby wrote:
i honest-to-christ have no idea how i'd fare as a parent of autistic children. if i had to raise a kid like how i was, i'd lose my marbles after a short while.


It can be both the most terrifying and most rewarding experience. I myself don't think I am the best dad but then how many of us really know what makes a great dad?

i am sure if i got to watch you in parental action, i would be impressed. :star: :wtg: if you're in the ballpark at all, you surely learn and improve over time. the parents of my nephew/niece are overwhelmed and needed hired help. problem is there is a lot of folie à deux happening where the younger less autistic kid emulates the behavior of the older more autistic kid.



cyberdad
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31 Aug 2019, 2:21 am

Up to the age of 11 kids a actually very appreciative of you. After that age they start to become independent and you are just plain old dad :lol:



auntblabby
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31 Aug 2019, 2:23 am

cyberdad wrote:
Up to the age of 11 kids a actually very appreciative of you. After that age they start to become independent and you are just plain old dad :lol:

do you know any other parents of kids on the spectrum?



cyberdad
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31 Aug 2019, 2:29 am

Yeah I've gotten to know plenty now. When my daughter hit 11 and wanted to meet new people I made attempt to meet parents of autistic kids.

My experience is that all come across as NT (i have never met a parent who self-identifies as autistic).

They are much the same as your average joes except they are underlying stressed about their kid/s.

Since my daughter's diagnosis the few NT friends I had vanished from our lives and I accept I won't have any new friends till I kick the proverbial bucket.

NTs (including my fellow parents) are all too engrossed in their own lives (I suspect they probably think of me in the same way).



auntblabby
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31 Aug 2019, 2:31 am

^^^they were only "fair weather friends" anyways, a dime a dozen.



cyberdad
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31 Aug 2019, 2:35 am

auntblabby wrote:
^^^they were only "fair weather friends" anyways, a dime a dozen.


I'm waiting for fleshy AI bots to be my future friend

Like holding a conversation with Siri