single, happily married, unhappily married, divorced?

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What is your long-term relationship status?
Single and expect to remain so 17%  17%  [ 21 ]
Single so far but hoping for relationship 19%  19%  [ 24 ]
In a relationship, and expect to remain so 34%  34%  [ 43 ]
In a relationship but not happy with it 2%  2%  [ 2 ]
In a relationship but partner is not happy with it 3%  3%  [ 4 ]
Separated or divorced 19%  19%  [ 24 ]
Other 7%  7%  [ 9 ]
Total votes : 127

cyberdad
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31 Aug 2019, 7:05 am

LOL! yes my pelvic muscles haven't had a workout for years :lol:



mau_tie
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31 Aug 2019, 1:08 pm

auntblabby wrote:
ex told me if i was NT or successfully emulative of NT, it woulda worked.



Emulative of NT = steady journey to burnout, self-loathing, and misery

A duck is a duck, and no matter how hard it tries to be a squirrel, or how many squirrel behaviors it manages to exhibit, it doesn't stop being a duck.

If ex weren't too stupid to realize that a duck can't climb a tree, it woulda worked.

(Note to self: first date question to ask--do you think you can make a duck climb a tree?)


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nick007
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31 Aug 2019, 4:03 pm

mau_tie wrote:
If ex weren't too stupid to realize that a duck can't climb a tree, it woulda worked.
If ex knew that when they 1st got in a relationship, she wouldn't of chose to start a relationship with him in the 1st place. It's impossible for me to have a relationship if everyone refuses to start one with me cuz they think I'm too f#cked up. At least if someone believes a duck can climb a tree she might be willing to give me half a chance & even if I still fail miserably, she might of noticed my good qualities shinning through by then. & even if they haven't, she still might chose to stick with the devil she knows out of comfort & safety instead of risking dumping me to start a new relationship with someone else that things may not also work out well with. I really do believe I can change a lot with the rite motivation & help/assistance/support. Even if our relationship still would of failed at least I would of learned, grew, & matured from the process & the experience would hopefully help me get & keep future relationships. Things would of probably worked out with me & my 1st girlfriend if I was the person I am now 17 years ago when we got together. I probably would of screwed things up a couple or a few years ago with my current girlfriend if I was the person I was when I was with my 1st girlfriend. Having the failed relationship & using that experience in a good way helped me become the person I am now.


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MrsPeel
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31 Aug 2019, 11:07 pm

Something that is really coming through here is that relationships can be an opportunity for personal growth, even if they don't work out long term.

Certainly that's true for me. If someone were to ask me if I regret ever marrying my ex I would say no. Even though my marriage became increasingly difficult until it was untenable, and even though I no longer wish to interact with my husband, I'm still grateful for the years we had together and all I learnt from them.

And I'm so grateful I got to help create 2 new lives, even though I frequently feel completely inadequate as a mother.



auntblabby
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02 Sep 2019, 5:50 am

mau_tie wrote:
auntblabby wrote:
ex told me if i was NT or successfully emulative of NT, it woulda worked.


Emulative of NT = steady journey to burnout, self-loathing, and misery A duck is a duck, and no matter how hard it tries to be a squirrel, or how many squirrel behaviors it manages to exhibit, it doesn't stop being a duck. If ex weren't too stupid to realize that a duck can't climb a tree, it woulda worked. (Note to self: first date question to ask--do you think you can make a duck climb a tree?)

ex needed somebody as reliable as she was not, two flakes in a relationship can't work, is what she said.



Stanleyanna
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22 Sep 2019, 5:18 am

I've been separated 3 yrs. Divorce came through in july this year. This was a 20 yr marriage (25 yr in total).



auntblabby
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22 Sep 2019, 5:20 am

^^^welcome to WP, Stanleyanna :)



Stanleyanna
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22 Sep 2019, 5:38 am

Hello,Thankyou :D



AugustD
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06 Dec 2019, 3:20 am

MrsPeel wrote:
Separated but neighbours? That's a bit different... and very interesting.
I can see how that might help with AS issues, as in, having plenty of alone time but also social support.
Would you like to tell us more?

Somewhat similar here. (Sorry for the delay replying; joined WP only a week ago or so).

After 15 years of marriage I learned my wife to be an alcoholic. I started pushing her to change her dangerous lifestyle to no avail. This, on top of the stress I had from being made redundant 4 years earlier and demoting to become a bus driver after a successful career in IT, got me into a deep depression with suicidal thoughts.

After another 18 months I separated from my wife, since I couldn't take it anymore. The delta muscle between my shoulders was tense as concrete and my brains felt like being too big for my skull.

It would take me another four years of crisis with dysfunctional employment, made redundant, unforeseen early retirement, moving house 4 times until I found a 2-bedroom apartment at 5 minutes drive from my estranged wife. By then my delta muscle felt normal again, my brain fitted comfortably in my skull, my suicidal ideas had disappeared. And my ex and I started doing things together, such as going to concerts, have lunch together. This developed to me staying over at her place during weekends. When people ask us, we call it LAT lite (Living Apart Together - Platonically).

At the moment the apartment next to mine will be up for a new occupant and my ex is trying hard to become my new neighbour....


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DorkyNerd
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11 Dec 2019, 11:03 pm

I am constantly single. Such is life with Asperger's.

No one ever desires you. If they do, they have a species of freakishness to end all freakishness!

And even they dump you after a while.

Yet another reason Asperger's is hell on Earth.



auntblabby
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11 Dec 2019, 11:19 pm

DorkyNerd wrote:
I am constantly single. Such is life with Asperger's. No one ever desires you. If they do, they have a species of freakishness to end all freakishness! And even they dump you after a while. Yet another reason Asperger's is hell on Earth.

remember it is THEIR LOSS. here is a poem i found that seems to speak to this feeling-

"Oh, hi ho in the lavender wood
A sterile cuckoo is crying.
Oh, hi ho in the lavender snow
A sterile cuckoo is dying.
In the darkness of her heart
It is always three o'clock in the morning
."

but it is time again for the fortitude, and to say resoundingly, "it is THEIR LOSS!"



martianprincess
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12 Dec 2019, 10:21 am

I was in a relationship with someone who I strongly suspect was undiagnosed ASD (and I was undiagnosed at the time too, and not even thinking I could be). It was a mega disaster, although we did have a lot of fun together. I was his first girlfriend so he had no idea what he was doing. The thing that annoyed me the most was that he would be too "honest" about things, like when he compared me to other women he liked before (it was usually positive but made me uncomfortable). He would also get really mad at me when I didn't do the specific things he wanted me to do. Haha. We were a mess. I do miss hanging out with him though, but we haven't spoken in years. I broke up with him and he was not pleased about it.


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auntblabby
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13 Dec 2019, 1:35 am

i know why the hermit stays in his hole.



leahbear
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19 Dec 2019, 3:39 pm

I’ve been with my boyfriend for 10 years and we plan on staying together. We went through a pretty big rough patch a few years ago when I had an extended burnout combined with chronic disease flare up. My partner thought I’d stopped loving him because I got so withdrawn from regression and fatigue. Thankfully I learned about burnout on WP and also got my health back on track. My partner is very understanding and patient and we were able to get through it.

I can manage to keep a romantic relationship going but friendships are another story.



MrsPeel
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20 Dec 2019, 6:22 am

Well done! Sounds like you've met the right guy.

I agree, friendships are tricky.
For example, when I find someone I like, I tend to go all in and become way too intense and want to get really close, as if it were a romantic thing. So the person backs off rapidly - even though I genuinely just wanted to be friends.
So next time I try to be cool about it, but then the person thinks I'm being distant and unfriendly. Aargh.
Then there's the times I assume colleagues are friends when they're just being nice, because they're nice to everybody. It's like I never learnt where the boundaries are between acquaintances and friends or friends and lovers. I think that's an AS thing?



leahbear
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20 Dec 2019, 3:22 pm

Yeah I found a good one for sure <3

Oh man that sounds just like me, not understanding boundaries. I think I’ve slept with most of my female friends. Girls were often attracted to me and the ones who were were often a bit different like me and sometimes we would transition to friendship. I could never keep them going though. It’s different now that I’m older, moved to a small town and my relationship has turned monogamous. I guess if I want friends now I’m going to have to learn some other ways of finding them. Maybe next year. It hasn’t been a priority.