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nick007
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19 Aug 2019, 1:10 pm

Mona Pereth wrote:
Horses634 wrote:
Hey guys so my ex and I broke up during exams in the beginning of the summer and he did instigate the breakup but I kind of pushed for it to happen because I was stressed and so I was acting a bit clingy and wanted to talk to him about our relationship after he told he had mild Aspergers.

He broke up with you during exams???! What a jerk! He couldn't have waited until after you were done with your exams? That's beyond inconsiderate. I hope your grades didn't suffer too badly as a result. IMO you don't need someone like that back in your life.
Exams can be very stressful for people. My 2nd girlfriend is on the spectrum & was currently in college while we were together. Our relationship was long distance. I wasn't in college & gave her space so she could study for her exams & when we talked a little after a couple weeks, she broke up with me. I kinda wonder is the stress of exams played a small factor in her decision. People on the spectrum can become overwhelmed very easily sometimes & having/being in a romantic relationship can sometimes be a major stresser for someone on the spectrum. It's one more thing for the Aspie to focus on & devote some time to & have more responsibilities. Sometimes Aspies try their best to make a relationship work in the begging & become so overwhelmed that they need/want to break free & have more alone time & independence again. Perhaps this is what happened with both our exes Horses & the stress around exams pushed our Aspies over the edge. The question I asked myself after our break up was :arrow: If she was gonna break up with me cuz she felt overwhelmed & stressed by exams, What would she had done if she became overwhelmed by something after we would of actually moved in together like we planned :?: Our relationship may of been doomed anyways.

My advice Horses is that you don't get your hopes up on this guy. Have no expectations & see how he acts around you when college starts back up.


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Mona Pereth
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19 Aug 2019, 3:05 pm

nick007 wrote:
Exams can be very stressful for people. My 2nd girlfriend is on the spectrum & was currently in college while we were together. Our relationship was long distance. I wasn't in college & gave her space so she could study for her exams & when we talked a little after a couple weeks, she broke up with me. I kinda wonder is the stress of exams played a small factor in her decision.

You weren't the one in college, so, for you at least, this wasn't harmful timing, i.e. it didn't hurt your grades.

I think it's a good idea for couples in which at least one member is a college student to talk, earlier in the semester, about how they deal with the stress of exams, and about how they will want to be treated during that time (e.g. needing more space), so that they are better prepared when exam time rolls around.


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Anngables
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22 Aug 2019, 4:41 am

It’s all so difficult. . . . I have a friend (not romantic) and yet I find it so difficult to understand or read the signs even after 4yrs . . .we are getting better. We had a major bust up last year and didn’t speak for 6 months, , , ,, ,, ,we have nice times now . . .bit it does often feel like I’m just his chauffeur . . . . .. from the outside it looks like he uses me. . . . . . .i am more boundaried and have a no contact clause in that he contacts me if he wants to talk or to do something. . . . .. . .. .I'm glad we are “friends” again, we do have some nice times together occasionally, but most of the time I feel I am just “useful” rather than there being any real attachment on his side. . . . . . . .. . .but having said all that it was him that reached out and repaired the friendship after the 6 month hiatus. He did that by beginning to comment on photos on Facebook. . . . Then messaging asking if I wanted to go for a meal to my favourite restaurant. . . .. . . .



MrsPeel
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22 Aug 2019, 8:35 am

Edited to say, I hope no-one take offense to the below. I mention a certain website which we'd all prefer was wiped from the web never to return. The trouble is, the below scenario does happen, and I think we're deluding ourselves to pretend otherwise.
So...

The thing that worries me about this situation is the potential for a "Heartless Aspergers" type scenario, do you know what I mean? It happens sometimes between aspie men and NT girls, if the girl is the sort who needs signs and signals from the man to confirm his love for her. A lot of Asperger guys just can't or won't keep satisfying these demands, and the girl concludes that he is cold and heartless, and the more she pushes for a reaction the more he pushes her away...
But I'm probably just getting old and cynical.

I guess my point is that if you go into a relationship with an aspie man, you need to feel secure about his feelings for you.



Outsider85
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22 Aug 2019, 3:06 pm

I recall having made an effort of contacting my ex once a month for six months. I told her I did 10 psychiatric appointments. She texted me back. Text him and ask him if he would like to talk. Meet some place in public and see how it goes.