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I contacted my Aspie ex

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Horses634
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17 Aug 2019, 5:08 pm

Hey guys so my ex and I broke up during exams in the beginning of the summer and he did instigate the breakup but I kind of pushed for it to happen because I was stressed and so I was acting a bit clingy and wanted to talk to him about our relationship after he told he had mild Aspergers.

I was in no contact for a while and I noticed that he was looking at some of my Snapchat stories. After sometime I texted him asking how his exams were and he replied pretty quickly telling me they were alright and he passed them and that’s all he wanted. I replied really casually with “that’s great” and that’s it.

I didn’t expect much and I’m surprised that he replied to me. He is not a big texter and he didn’t text me much when we were dating, only to plan meet-ups.
Anyway should I not think much of this neutral response? I really do miss him so much and I just wonder if he does at all.

I shouldn’t tell him how I really feel should I? Because if really did miss me he would tell me that right?

I’m probably going to be seeing him next month when university starts again (we have a mutual friend) so I don’t know if I should tell him how I feel then.
I read somewhere that people with Aspergers have trouble reaching out and might have trouble talking about something like this.

I would like to have some advice on this and nothing like “just get over him” because I am starting to date again but I really feel like we were happy together before all of this happened



886
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17 Aug 2019, 10:02 pm

i mean, the only way to find out is to take a leap of faith and just ask how he's been and if he'd like to meet up for coffee and catch up.

if he replies, awesome, maybe you'll begin on good terms. if not, well, you can move on and date other people. but if you do nothing, you'll just be left wondering.


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Luhluhluh
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18 Aug 2019, 8:55 am

Horses634 wrote:
Hey guys so my ex and I broke up during exams in the beginning of the summer and he did instigate the breakup but I kind of pushed for it to happen because I was stressed and so I was acting a bit clingy and wanted to talk to him about our relationship after he told he had mild Aspergers.

I was in no contact for a while and I noticed that he was looking at some of my Snapchat stories. After sometime I texted him asking how his exams were and he replied pretty quickly telling me they were alright and he passed them and that’s all he wanted. I replied really casually with “that’s great” and that’s it.

I didn’t expect much and I’m surprised that he replied to me. He is not a big texter and he didn’t text me much when we were dating, only to plan meet-ups.
Anyway should I not think much of this neutral response? I really do miss him so much and I just wonder if he does at all.

I shouldn’t tell him how I really feel should I? Because if really did miss me he would tell me that right?

I’m probably going to be seeing him next month when university starts again (we have a mutual friend) so I don’t know if I should tell him how I feel then.
I read somewhere that people with Aspergers have trouble reaching out and might have trouble talking about something like this.

I would like to have some advice on this and nothing like “just get over him” because I am starting to date again but I really feel like we were happy together before all of this happened


So basically you want him to chase you, is that it? Because that's what I am hearing.

Look, don't take this as harsh, but real life is not like in movies. Even if he does miss you, he may be sitting there wishing that YOU would be the one to speak up. So both of you are sitting there, not saying anything, waiting for the other one to make a move, wondering what the other one is thinking.

The best way to avoid a game player is to not play games and be direct. If you want to try again with him, call him, ask him if you can get together and see what happens. If he declines, then you'll know. On the other hand, if you know you are the type to want a guy to chase you then don't contact him - he may not be the one for you, because not all guys like that sort of fantasy rom-com thing.


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rdos
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18 Aug 2019, 12:49 pm

Horses634 wrote:
Anyway should I not think much of this neutral response? I really do miss him so much and I just wonder if he does at all.

I shouldn’t tell him how I really feel should I? Because if really did miss me he would tell me that right?


Wrong. Since you were the one taking the initiative for the breakup you are the one that must tell him you've changed your mind.

I think I could accept to play some games with this, but only if you refrained from dating and didn't show interest in other guys.



Horses634
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18 Aug 2019, 4:51 pm

Luhluhluh wrote:
Horses634 wrote:
Hey guys so my ex and I broke up during exams in the beginning of the summer and he did instigate the breakup but I kind of pushed for it to happen because I was stressed and so I was acting a bit clingy and wanted to talk to him about our relationship after he told he had mild Aspergers.

I was in no contact for a while and I noticed that he was looking at some of my Snapchat stories. After sometime I texted him asking how his exams were and he replied pretty quickly telling me they were alright and he passed them and that’s all he wanted. I replied really casually with “that’s great” and that’s it.

I didn’t expect much and I’m surprised that he replied to me. He is not a big texter and he didn’t text me much when we were dating, only to plan meet-ups.
Anyway should I not think much of this neutral response? I really do miss him so much and I just wonder if he does at all.

I shouldn’t tell him how I really feel should I? Because if really did miss me he would tell me that right?

I’m probably going to be seeing him next month when university starts again (we have a mutual friend) so I don’t know if I should tell him how I feel then.
I read somewhere that people with Aspergers have trouble reaching out and might have trouble talking about something like this.

I would like to have some advice on this and nothing like “just get over him” because I am starting to date again but I really feel like we were happy together before all of this happened


So basically you want him to chase you, is that it? Because that's what I am hearing.

Look, don't take this as harsh, but real life is not like in movies. Even if he does miss you, he may be sitting there wishing that YOU would be the one to speak up. So both of you are sitting there, not saying anything, waiting for the other one to make a move, wondering what the other one is thinking.

The best way to avoid a game player is to not play games and be direct. If you want to try again with him, call him, ask him if you can get together and see what happens. If he declines, then you'll know. On the other hand, if you know you are the type to want a guy to chase you then don't contact him - he may not be the one for you, because not all guys like that sort of fantasy rom-com thing.



I have no problem with chasing a guy (I was actually the one to ask him out after the night we met) but I thought if someone breaks up with you it’s their duty to to reach out and tell you that they miss you. I totally understand that a guy doesn’t always have to chase you but isn’t it a different case if someone breaks up with you?

I already reached about his results and he did respond but I was too scared to say anything else. I do want to ask him if we wants to catchup but I just feel that it’s so wrong since once again he ended things. I would consider to message him again to ask him if he wants to catch up but I feel like it’s wrong. His Aspergers can’t make it more difficult for him reach out in this sort of situation can it? I don’t know what to think.



red_doghubb
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18 Aug 2019, 5:04 pm

'but I thought if someone breaks up with you it’s their duty to to reach out and tell you that they miss you'

There is no duty on anyone's part after you are no longer together. Having said that: he broke up with you. If he wants to try again, he'll let you know. You need to go no contact. This scenario has less to do with him being an Aspie than him being a regular human.



Horses634
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18 Aug 2019, 5:20 pm

red_doghubb wrote:
'but I thought if someone breaks up with you it’s their duty to to reach out and tell you that they miss you'

There is no duty on anyone's part after you are no longer together. Having said that: he broke up with you. If he wants to try again, he'll let you know. You need to go no contact. This scenario has less to do with him being an Aspie than him being a regular human.



Yeah I guess you are right. If he really missed me he would tell me or at least contact me in some sort of way. I just wish I asked him how he was doing last time I texted him but I don’t know. He probably knows that I miss him since I texted him anyway. God this is hard.



red_doghubb
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18 Aug 2019, 5:24 pm

Horses634 wrote:
red_doghubb wrote:
'but I thought if someone breaks up with you it’s their duty to to reach out and tell you that they miss you'

There is no duty on anyone's part after you are no longer together. Having said that: he broke up with you. If he wants to try again, he'll let you know. You need to go no contact. This scenario has less to do with him being an Aspie than him being a regular human.



Yeah I guess you are right. If he really missed me he would tell me or at least contact me in some sort of way. I just wish I asked him how he was doing last time I texted him but I don’t know. He probably knows that I miss him since I texted him anyway. God this is hard.


I'm on day 22 of a NC with an aspie. He knows how to find me. I'm moving on.



Horses634
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18 Aug 2019, 5:25 pm

red_doghubb wrote:
Horses634 wrote:
red_doghubb wrote:
'but I thought if someone breaks up with you it’s their duty to to reach out and tell you that they miss you'

There is no duty on anyone's part after you are no longer together. Having said that: he broke up with you. If he wants to try again, he'll let you know. You need to go no contact. This scenario has less to do with him being an Aspie than him being a regular human.



Yeah I guess you are right. If he really missed me he would tell me or at least contact me in some sort of way. I just wish I asked him how he was doing last time I texted him but I don’t know. He probably knows that I miss him since I texted him anyway. God this is hard.


I'm on day 22 of a NC with an aspie. He knows how to find me. I'm moving on.


May I ask why you and your ex broke up?



red_doghubb
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18 Aug 2019, 5:28 pm

Horses634 wrote:
red_doghubb wrote:
Horses634 wrote:
red_doghubb wrote:
'but I thought if someone breaks up with you it’s their duty to to reach out and tell you that they miss you'

There is no duty on anyone's part after you are no longer together. Having said that: he broke up with you. If he wants to try again, he'll let you know. You need to go no contact. This scenario has less to do with him being an Aspie than him being a regular human.



Yeah I guess you are right. If he really missed me he would tell me or at least contact me in some sort of way. I just wish I asked him how he was doing last time I texted him but I don’t know. He probably knows that I miss him since I texted him anyway. God this is hard.


I'm on day 22 of a NC with an aspie. He knows how to find me. I'm moving on.


May I ask why you and your ex broke up?


it was actually a non-relationship relationship. I gave him all the girlfriend benefits (excluding sex) and he just kept demonstrating that he's ok with taking but never giving. So I started the NC. I know he won't even notice.



Horses634
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18 Aug 2019, 5:46 pm

red_doghubb wrote:
Horses634 wrote:
red_doghubb wrote:
Horses634 wrote:
red_doghubb wrote:
'but I thought if someone breaks up with you it’s their duty to to reach out and tell you that they miss you'

There is no duty on anyone's part after you are no longer together. Having said that: he broke up with you. If he wants to try again, he'll let you know. You need to go no contact. This scenario has less to do with him being an Aspie than him being a regular human.



Yeah I guess you are right. If he really missed me he would tell me or at least contact me in some sort of way. I just wish I asked him how he was doing last time I texted him but I don’t know. He probably knows that I miss him since I texted him anyway. God this is hard.


I'm on day 22 of a NC with an aspie. He knows how to find me. I'm moving on.


May I ask why you and your ex broke up?


it was actually a non-relationship relationship. I gave him all the girlfriend benefits (excluding sex) and he just kept demonstrating that he's ok with taking but never giving. So I started the NC. I know he won't even notice.



I mean I wouldn’t assume that he won’t notice, if he ever had real feelings for you I think he will. Sometimes guys take us for granted until we are really gone.

My ex moved way too fast with our relationship, I met his whole family after a few months. I’m definitely going to take things slower next time.



Horses634
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18 Aug 2019, 5:59 pm

886 wrote:
i mean, the only way to find out is to take a leap of faith and just ask how he's been and if he'd like to meet up for coffee and catch up.

if he replies, awesome, maybe you'll begin on good terms. if not, well, you can move on and date other people. but if you do nothing, you'll just be left wondering.


I'm thinking I might do that at this point just because I miss him a lot. I wouldn't have even thought about doing it if he didn't reply to my text but then again I guess it's not a big deal that he replied right? I might wait until my birthday to see if he wishes me happy birthday and then I might ask him then.



rdos
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19 Aug 2019, 2:11 am

Horses634 wrote:
I have no problem with chasing a guy (I was actually the one to ask him out after the night we met) but I thought if someone breaks up with you it’s their duty to to reach out and tell you that they miss you. I totally understand that a guy doesn’t always have to chase you but isn’t it a different case if someone breaks up with you?


Definitely. I misunderstood it. If it was he that broke up, he will need to tell you he changed his mind. Just making contact like he did is not acceptable. I'd go no contact under those circumstances.



rdos
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19 Aug 2019, 2:14 am

red_doghubb wrote:
'but I thought if someone breaks up with you it’s their duty to to reach out and tell you that they miss you'

There is no duty on anyone's part after you are no longer together. Having said that: he broke up with you. If he wants to try again, he'll let you know. You need to go no contact. This scenario has less to do with him being an Aspie than him being a regular human.


Rather that being Aspie doesn't excuse this kind of sh***y behavior.



Horses634
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19 Aug 2019, 5:38 am

rdos wrote:
red_doghubb wrote:
'but I thought if someone breaks up with you it’s their duty to to reach out and tell you that they miss you'

There is no duty on anyone's part after you are no longer together. Having said that: he broke up with you. If he wants to try again, he'll let you know. You need to go no contact. This scenario has less to do with him being an Aspie than him being a regular human.


Rather that being Aspie doesn't excuse this kind of sh***y behavior.


All my friends are telling me if you want to talk to him I should just wait until I see him at univeristy. I think that’s a good idea because I can’t contact him under these circumstances. Also he is young so this definitely has a factor in his behaviour but saying that I did make a few mistakes to cause this breakup :?

I just feel like if I miss him he must miss me at least a little bit. I just don’t know if he would ever be open to dating again. I just hope this time apart does make him miss me.



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19 Aug 2019, 10:59 am

Horses634 wrote:
Hey guys so my ex and I broke up during exams in the beginning of the summer and he did instigate the breakup but I kind of pushed for it to happen because I was stressed and so I was acting a bit clingy and wanted to talk to him about our relationship after he told he had mild Aspergers.

He broke up with you during exams???! What a jerk! He couldn't have waited until after you were done with your exams? That's beyond inconsiderate. I hope your grades didn't suffer too badly as a result. IMO you don't need someone like that back in your life.


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