Do more autistic people feel less lonely?

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SaveFerris
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19 Aug 2019, 1:33 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:

I tend to feel the most lonely when I’m around a lot of people.


^ This


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Sam64
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19 Aug 2019, 1:47 pm

I feel more lonely the more I mask. It's strange.

Since I've allowed myself to be me more, to stim more, to take the pressure off, to focus more on my hobbies, to have more alone time, to stop fighting against my real nature... I somehow enjoy my own company a lot more and am not so bothered about what others think when I do see them.

I can't quite explain why and it surprised me actually, maybe someone else has an idea? :?:



dyadiccounterpoint
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19 Aug 2019, 1:49 pm

I enjoy lots of solitude and private space, but I do still desire some quality social connection with people I enjoy, even if it's just an occasional online exchange once in a while.


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FallingDownMan
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19 Aug 2019, 7:02 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
I can feel pretty lonely sometimes.

I tend to feel the most lonely when I’m around a lot of people.


This is too funny, because I use a similar line. I feel the loneliest in a room full of people, and not a single one is talking to me.

That aside, I live by myself. I don't work. I can go upwards of 12 days where my only interaction with another human being is when I go grocery shopping. After about 7 days, the loneliness kicks my rear end and I start both crying over my loneliness, and craving human interaction with a little more than the lady behind the cash register.


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ToughDiamond
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19 Aug 2019, 7:32 pm

SaveFerris wrote:
kraftiekortie wrote:

I tend to feel the most lonely when I’m around a lot of people.


^ This


Thirded. I suppose it's like having to look at food inside a bullet-proof glass case when you haven't eaten for days. If the people around me aren't uncommonly inclusive, considerate and friendly (as well as having certain other traits such as being reasonably quiet and non-judgemental, and having interests I can relate to), it just hammers home the fact that I'm not part of their thing.

Even so, for me complete isolation isn't without loneliness either, by a long chalk. It's just that when others are out of my hair I can focus on activities, so I don't notice the isolation so much, and the time often flies by when I'm making progress.

I've heard it said that many on the spectrum start out feeling loneliness but as the social failures accumulate, they resign themselves to their fate and social urges wither away. I guess the mind usually protects itself like that from the misery of not being able to get what it wants. But that's not to say that everybody on the spectrum starts out with social drives.

I remember getting this school report in which one teacher said "he prefers to work on his own." He didn't know that, he was just guessing and pretending he knew. I was furious about that. We were supposed to work in pairs, and I wanted to, but somehow I was always the one who was left out after everybody else had paired up, the teacher would add me to a pair without any thought about personality matching, and it would always be a case of three being a crowd, they'd talk to each other and I couldn't work out what they were doing, and they couldn't be bothered to explain it. It'd have been better if I'd been in a pair, one-on-one. So I'd end up going it alone - it was the only way I could end up with anything to write up that I understood. One of the reasons I don't like school, work and other institutions is that they so often end up shoving me into a pack where I can't fit, and when I pull away from the group they don't understand why. I'm not happy to be alone, I don't think I'm better than they are, though the herd pisses me off for being so inconsiderate.



EzraS
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20 Aug 2019, 1:09 am

For me a little bit of being around others goes a long ways. By nature I do not interact much, so just being around others fills any loneliness that might develop.



QuantumChemist
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20 Aug 2019, 7:45 am

Sam64 wrote:
I feel more lonely the more I mask. It's strange.

Since I've allowed myself to be me more, to stim more, to take the pressure off, to focus more on my hobbies, to have more alone time, to stop fighting against my real nature... I somehow enjoy my own company a lot more and am not so bothered about what others think when I do see them.

I can't quite explain why and it surprised me actually, maybe someone else has an idea? :?:


It could be caused by the disconnected state of masking that is blocking you from feeling connected with other people. I have experienced this myself many times while masking. It makes me feel like I am watching a play or movie, rather than participating in life at the time.

Loneliness I know too well. It can sometimes lead me to darker thoughts.



green0star
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20 Aug 2019, 1:26 pm

I've been alone in just about anything I ever did so I got used to being alone



ToughDiamond
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20 Aug 2019, 5:27 pm

EzraS wrote:
For me a little bit of being around others goes a long ways. By nature I do not interact much, so just being around others fills any loneliness that might develop.

Interesting. In my case I feel like I'm being a social failure if I don't interact, and I get mad at myself and at them for it. I can't seem to get anything out of just being with them. There's probably a slight feeling of security knowing somebody else is within earshot in case of an emergency, but that's about all. And if I perform rituals with people, engaging in small talk, all trooping off to look at some tourist attraction, eating with them, etc., all I can see is the emptiness and pointlessness of the actions - I guess they get something out of it but I don't feel anything, it just seems like a complete waste of time and I can't help but wonder, when is the real socialising going to start? I seem to get off only on deep, profound communication, such as if somebody tells me about something that really interests them and me, and I say something back that really moves the matter forward.