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"But a woman's number of options doesn't matter!"

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magz
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15 May 2022, 1:07 pm

I can play my beauty down but not my intellect, darn the social expectations! Why should we care about someone "feeling intimidated" by the fact a woman can be smart? It's someone's sick ego problem, not yours or mine.


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16 May 2022, 12:34 am

magz wrote:
^ "How to get attention" is rarely a problem for a generally healthy woman.
"How to get the desired kind of attention and avoid the very undesired kind of attention" is a more common problem.

Dont enter biological sex. Dont discuss related issues unless necessary.
Use language styles or online names that are anti-female stereotypes or even match male stereotypes.
When voice must be used, use voice changer software.

It's not just non-binary doing these things.
In the online environment I am familiar with, many cisgender women who want to "get into the discussion/game seriously" do the same.

It's not healthy, but it works.
Although I suspect that's one of the things that makes me reliant on the internet and not like dealing with people face-to-face.


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16 May 2022, 6:35 am

magz wrote:
Yesterday I was shopping at a mall and the cashier was a really beautiful young woman - natural blonde, no makeup, authentic natural beauty. Her body language was extremely nervous, all like "don't you ever try to approach me".
I felt for her. Cashiers often get naughty behavior from clients but imagine you're a beautiful young lady without sharp tongue in this job. It must be horrible.


That reminds me. There were 2 guys who came into my old work and my boss said to me, "Do they ever give you any trouble?" I'm not sure if one of the other girls had complained about them.

Thing is, I had no idea what they were saying. They had really broad Scottish accents. Spending half my youth not understanding the local dialect helped me I think. I could just stare back blankly and give them no reaction.

I think people just thought I was a snob. :lol:



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16 May 2022, 8:22 am

The Scottish stereotype is that men are not really into "woman's liberation." They call women "hens," after all.

It's a stereotype; I'm certainly not claiming that many Scottish men are like this.



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16 May 2022, 8:39 am

SharonB wrote:
I would soooooo like to dress up and "show off". I do so on occasion when I am with my husband and am "safe" that way. I also got drunk once with him, to see what it's like. But o/w I won't b/c bad things too often happen to inebriated women. Must be in control. Must not relax. Must be on guard to protect myself. Darn sympathetic nervous system; I wish my parasympathetic nervous system worked better.

In regards to dating profiles it reminds me that even in the work world I learned not to "show off". I have heard way too many times: "they are intimidated by you", "they don't like intelligent women", "they don't like strong women"... When I was dating my husband I probably was "gentle" to start, but then began testing him (showing my forceful side) - he survived then and decades later.

Trying to meet the long-standing cultural norm for women (a princess in need of rescue) ruined me. I think I have a split personality from it. How would that read in a dating profile? "Skilled in masking; certifiably."


Unlearn. It's not your problem.


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16 May 2022, 10:04 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
The Scottish stereotype is that men are not really into "woman's liberation." They call women "hens," after all.

It's a stereotype; I'm certainly not claiming that many Scottish men are like this.


Ha, I'd forgotten about the hen thing. Been a long time since I've heard that. Hen is ok, it's not derogatory. Women call each other hen.

I know women don't like getting called love in a work situation, but hen is much more friendly and not belittling.

Scottish women are really feisty. You do not mess with them. Living there I got the impression that women were very much in charge. The First Minister position (Scotland's Prime Minister) has been held by a woman for years.

My Mum often forgets that she made me live in Scotland for my formative years and can't understand why I'm more confrontational than her. It's just different manners.



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17 May 2022, 1:40 pm

Just to make it clear:
options =/= harassers



The_Face_of_Boo
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17 May 2022, 1:57 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
If a guy doesn't like a woman's picture or profile, he won't respond, either.


Except, we men don’t deny it ;).

We don’t go around claiming that we are saint totally blind to ugliness and only fall for “personality” even on first sight.



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17 May 2022, 2:25 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
We don’t go around claiming that we are saint totally blind to ugliness and only fall for “personality” even on first sight.

Swapping the order of appearances of different aspects of the individual characteristic is an effective strategy to eliminate interference. :lol:


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magz
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18 May 2022, 1:36 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Just to make it clear:
options =/= harassers
Agreed.
In practice, the challenge is to filter the two apart before it gets really unpleasant.
It can be tricky.


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Nades
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19 May 2022, 1:56 am

Fnord wrote:
magz wrote:
^ Men should also swipe left on such "red flags" like height or income demands and most of the listed above.  The internet is full of toxic people and filtering them out should be done before furter evaluation of attractiveness.
With that in mind, most gynotropic men (especially the younger ones) seem to be attracted to women by their appearances.  It normally goes without saying that men will therefor be attracted to women whose appearances fall within a wide range of physical parameters related to her physical health.  Thus, any reasonably healthy woman can eventually find a man who is interested in her by simply showing a her picture.

However, there are some things often mentioned in on-line profiles that may inspire a man to look elsewhere.  Some of the most prevalent are:

• Bitterness, Expressed or Implied: Simply mentioning that you may have had a troubled relationship in the past implies that you will likely have more troubled relationships in the future.  No man wants trouble.  Sweeten up!

• Checklist of Conditions & Standards: Stating even one minimum requirement immediately identifies you as a "picky" woman -- one who will likely criticize every aspect of a man's life.

• Desperation: Do you have a "ticking clock"?  Are you feeling anxious that all your peers and siblings have each found their "special someone" while you have not?  Are your parents pressuring you to get married (and maybe produce some grandkids)?  If you answered 'yes' to any of these questions, under no circumstances are you to say so in your profile, as this smacks of desperation.  I know of no man who is happy at being considered a woman's last, desperate chance at love (unless he is into domination and exploitation).

• Desire for Commitment/Marriage: Most men seem to want to "Take Things Slow" when it comes to relationships (unless it has to do with sex, of course).  References to marriage and/or weddings -- even if it is just a pic of you in a bridesmaid dress -- may make a man a leery of getting to know you, because you are "obviously" hinting that you are seeking a husband.

• Lame Opening Line: While a one-word greeting is one way to start an introduction, it is best to immediately follow-up with a few significant words about yourself.

• Little or No Biographical Data: This, coupled with "Obvious Photoshopping" or "Too Perfect" (see below) is a red flag that indicates you are promoting your appearance, not your self.  If you have little or nothing to say about yourself, then men will see you as just a body, and will likely behave boorishly toward you.

• Negativity: Unless you are specifically looking for a man who is into depression and darkness, keep things light and positive.

• Obvious Photoshopping: Many men are tech-savvy enough to be able to spot minute irregularities in even the best of Photoshopped images.  Better to wait for that unsightly pimple to fade away than to try impressing men with that "air-brushed" look.

• Too Many Head Shots: If a man sees only pics of your face, then he is likely to think your whole world is all about you.  Try including some outdoor shots with you doing some every-day activities that interest you.

• Too Perfect: While you may be a 10/10 swimsuit model in real life, many men will feel intimidated and reject you as being "out of their league" if they see you posed in your favorite bikini.  They may think you are just trying to sell your body, too.  Or they may just think you are a bot or a "catfish" using a random model's image to attract men and boys.  And while you may not want to "date down", men who are also 10/10s may not be so picky.


A big one for me is getting the impression someone is interested is me and only "inviting" me to the party to clean up after the fun is over and everyone has gone home.

Twice or more but not often, I've been explicitly asked about the size of my car and house with the intention of chucking someone else's kids in them.

Being a step dad is the norm as people get older but women (and men) with kids need to remember to take it slower as they're effectively looking for an adoptive dad/mother as much as a partner.

Nothing turns me off more than getting the impression I'm there only to provide and work for a family that isn't even mine.



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19 May 2022, 2:20 am

hurtloam wrote:
magz wrote:
Yesterday I was shopping at a mall and the cashier was a really beautiful young woman - natural blonde, no makeup, authentic natural beauty. Her body language was extremely nervous, all like "don't you ever try to approach me".
I felt for her. Cashiers often get naughty behavior from clients but imagine you're a beautiful young lady without sharp tongue in this job. It must be horrible.


That reminds me. There were 2 guys who came into my old work and my boss said to me, "Do they ever give you any trouble?" I'm not sure if one of the other girls had complained about them.

Thing is, I had no idea what they were saying. They had really broad Scottish accents. Spending half my youth not understanding the local dialect helped me I think. I could just stare back blankly and give them no reaction.

I think people just thought I was a snob. :lol:


The trouble is, if you ask someone with a strong Scottish accent to repeat themselves they just say the exact same thing in the exact same way and then you just end up infuriating them with not being able to understand a single word
:'(



magz
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19 May 2022, 2:22 am

Nades wrote:
A big one for me is getting the impression someone is interested is me and only "inviting" me to the party to clean up after the fun is over and everyone has gone home.

Twice or more but not often, I've been explicitly asked about the size of my car and house with the intention of chucking someone else's kids in them.

Being a step dad is the norm as people get older but women (and men) with kids need to remember to take it slower as they're effectively looking for an adoptive dad/mother as much as a partner.

Nothing turns me off more than getting the impression I'm there only to provide and work for a family that isn't even mine.
You have working self preservation instinct :wtg:


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Nades
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19 May 2022, 4:12 am

magz wrote:
Nades wrote:
A big one for me is getting the impression someone is interested is me and only "inviting" me to the party to clean up after the fun is over and everyone has gone home.

Twice or more but not often, I've been explicitly asked about the size of my car and house with the intention of chucking someone else's kids in them.

Being a step dad is the norm as people get older but women (and men) with kids need to remember to take it slower as they're effectively looking for an adoptive dad/mother as much as a partner.

Nothing turns me off more than getting the impression I'm there only to provide and work for a family that isn't even mine.
You have working self preservation instinct :wtg:


Never be a means to an end for someone else. I attempt to adopt a strict cut off of "sharing" possessions. Basically, partners have no business inquiring about or expecting their share of anything I acquired before I met them.

I spent almost all of my 20s completely alone and instead found meaning in my life by heading down the investment path. If they wanted dibs on something I bought in my early 20s then they should have been there when I was in my early 20s instead of watching me be lonely.

I take great issue with being the last on the shelf collecting dust through the prime of my life only for someone to come along at the 11th hour implying they're interested in me because of what I possess. It's a day late and a dollar short to be a worthy partner.

Rarely are women blunt about asking (like I said only once or twice). Typically it's much more subtle but eventually you'll find out.



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19 May 2022, 1:50 pm

Nades wrote:
Fnord wrote:
magz wrote:
^ Men should also swipe left on such "red flags" like height or income demands and most of the listed above.  The internet is full of toxic people and filtering them out should be done before furter evaluation of attractiveness.
With that in mind, most gynotropic men (especially the younger ones) seem to be attracted to women by their appearances.  It normally goes without saying that men will therefor be attracted to women whose appearances fall within a wide range of physical parameters related to her physical health.  Thus, any reasonably healthy woman can eventually find a man who is interested in her by simply showing a her picture.

However, there are some things often mentioned in on-line profiles that may inspire a man to look elsewhere.  Some of the most prevalent are:

• Bitterness, Expressed or Implied: Simply mentioning that you may have had a troubled relationship in the past implies that you will likely have more troubled relationships in the future.  No man wants trouble.  Sweeten up!

• Checklist of Conditions & Standards: Stating even one minimum requirement immediately identifies you as a "picky" woman -- one who will likely criticize every aspect of a man's life.

• Desperation: Do you have a "ticking clock"?  Are you feeling anxious that all your peers and siblings have each found their "special someone" while you have not?  Are your parents pressuring you to get married (and maybe produce some grandkids)?  If you answered 'yes' to any of these questions, under no circumstances are you to say so in your profile, as this smacks of desperation.  I know of no man who is happy at being considered a woman's last, desperate chance at love (unless he is into domination and exploitation).

• Desire for Commitment/Marriage: Most men seem to want to "Take Things Slow" when it comes to relationships (unless it has to do with sex, of course).  References to marriage and/or weddings -- even if it is just a pic of you in a bridesmaid dress -- may make a man a leery of getting to know you, because you are "obviously" hinting that you are seeking a husband.

• Lame Opening Line: While a one-word greeting is one way to start an introduction, it is best to immediately follow-up with a few significant words about yourself.

• Little or No Biographical Data: This, coupled with "Obvious Photoshopping" or "Too Perfect" (see below) is a red flag that indicates you are promoting your appearance, not your self.  If you have little or nothing to say about yourself, then men will see you as just a body, and will likely behave boorishly toward you.

• Negativity: Unless you are specifically looking for a man who is into depression and darkness, keep things light and positive.

• Obvious Photoshopping: Many men are tech-savvy enough to be able to spot minute irregularities in even the best of Photoshopped images.  Better to wait for that unsightly pimple to fade away than to try impressing men with that "air-brushed" look.

• Too Many Head Shots: If a man sees only pics of your face, then he is likely to think your whole world is all about you.  Try including some outdoor shots with you doing some every-day activities that interest you.

• Too Perfect: While you may be a 10/10 swimsuit model in real life, many men will feel intimidated and reject you as being "out of their league" if they see you posed in your favorite bikini.  They may think you are just trying to sell your body, too.  Or they may just think you are a bot or a "catfish" using a random model's image to attract men and boys.  And while you may not want to "date down", men who are also 10/10s may not be so picky.


A big one for me is getting the impression someone is interested is me and only "inviting" me to the party to clean up after the fun is over and everyone has gone home.

Twice or more but not often, I've been explicitly asked about the size of my car and house with the intention of chucking someone else's kids in them.

Being a step dad is the norm as people get older but women (and men) with kids need to remember to take it slower as they're effectively looking for an adoptive dad/mother as much as a partner.

Nothing turns me off more than getting the impression I'm there only to provide and work for a family that isn't even mine.


Yeah, some were like "would you support me and my kids" on the first contact without even trying to get to know me at all.

f**k you, why would I support you and your kids?



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19 May 2022, 2:39 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Nades wrote:
Fnord wrote:
magz wrote:
^ Men should also swipe left on such "red flags" like height or income demands and most of the listed above.  The internet is full of toxic people and filtering them out should be done before furter evaluation of attractiveness.
With that in mind, most gynotropic men (especially the younger ones) seem to be attracted to women by their appearances.  It normally goes without saying that men will therefor be attracted to women whose appearances fall within a wide range of physical parameters related to her physical health.  Thus, any reasonably healthy woman can eventually find a man who is interested in her by simply showing a her picture.

However, there are some things often mentioned in on-line profiles that may inspire a man to look elsewhere.  Some of the most prevalent are:

• Bitterness, Expressed or Implied: Simply mentioning that you may have had a troubled relationship in the past implies that you will likely have more troubled relationships in the future.  No man wants trouble.  Sweeten up!

• Checklist of Conditions & Standards: Stating even one minimum requirement immediately identifies you as a "picky" woman -- one who will likely criticize every aspect of a man's life.

• Desperation: Do you have a "ticking clock"?  Are you feeling anxious that all your peers and siblings have each found their "special someone" while you have not?  Are your parents pressuring you to get married (and maybe produce some grandkids)?  If you answered 'yes' to any of these questions, under no circumstances are you to say so in your profile, as this smacks of desperation.  I know of no man who is happy at being considered a woman's last, desperate chance at love (unless he is into domination and exploitation).

• Desire for Commitment/Marriage: Most men seem to want to "Take Things Slow" when it comes to relationships (unless it has to do with sex, of course).  References to marriage and/or weddings -- even if it is just a pic of you in a bridesmaid dress -- may make a man a leery of getting to know you, because you are "obviously" hinting that you are seeking a husband.

• Lame Opening Line: While a one-word greeting is one way to start an introduction, it is best to immediately follow-up with a few significant words about yourself.

• Little or No Biographical Data: This, coupled with "Obvious Photoshopping" or "Too Perfect" (see below) is a red flag that indicates you are promoting your appearance, not your self.  If you have little or nothing to say about yourself, then men will see you as just a body, and will likely behave boorishly toward you.

• Negativity: Unless you are specifically looking for a man who is into depression and darkness, keep things light and positive.

• Obvious Photoshopping: Many men are tech-savvy enough to be able to spot minute irregularities in even the best of Photoshopped images.  Better to wait for that unsightly pimple to fade away than to try impressing men with that "air-brushed" look.

• Too Many Head Shots: If a man sees only pics of your face, then he is likely to think your whole world is all about you.  Try including some outdoor shots with you doing some every-day activities that interest you.

• Too Perfect: While you may be a 10/10 swimsuit model in real life, many men will feel intimidated and reject you as being "out of their league" if they see you posed in your favorite bikini.  They may think you are just trying to sell your body, too.  Or they may just think you are a bot or a "catfish" using a random model's image to attract men and boys.  And while you may not want to "date down", men who are also 10/10s may not be so picky.


A big one for me is getting the impression someone is interested is me and only "inviting" me to the party to clean up after the fun is over and everyone has gone home.

Twice or more but not often, I've been explicitly asked about the size of my car and house with the intention of chucking someone else's kids in them.

Being a step dad is the norm as people get older but women (and men) with kids need to remember to take it slower as they're effectively looking for an adoptive dad/mother as much as a partner.

Nothing turns me off more than getting the impression I'm there only to provide and work for a family that isn't even mine.


Yeah, some were like "would you support me and my kids" on the first contact without even trying to get to know me at all.

f**k you, why would I support you and your kids?


The most recent one I met on a dating website briefly got into the usual "how are you, where are you from, what do you do" stuff and then asked me if I had my own house or lived with my mother. When I told her I lived with my mother her tone got slightly condescending asking me why? don't you want more independence? I asked why the question about the house and she said she had a 5 year old and a guy having a house was important to her. Massive red flag and also hypocrisy as she clearly has dubious living arraignments herself if she thought that was so important.

I'm pretty independent myself anyway. I live with my mother but more out of company than necessity. I have enough houses to not really care about where I wake up in the mornings now. It's happened a few times where I'm low key mocked for living at home with my mother despite being a portfolio landlord. The people mocking are probably to stupid to realise the irony in what they're doing so I just ignore them.