To Not reveal too much information to someone you first met

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Hollywood_Guy
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28 Aug 2019, 1:06 pm

I am thinking over something that people on the autism spectrum have a social deficit in is revealing too much information about yourself on a first meeting or conversation with a new person. I guess this must be one of the reasons why those on the spectrum are so much easily taken advantage of. I wonder how I come off personally to others in this department. My question is where does somebody, especially on the spectrum draw the boundary of too much information too soon?



Bravo5150
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28 Aug 2019, 1:13 pm

First question is if you mean meeting in person or meeting online?



Fireblossom
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28 Aug 2019, 2:05 pm

I don't have any clear lines (I probably should); I just tell what feels like a good idea to tell... has backfired many times of course, but I feel like I'm getting better at telling when it's a good idea to say this or that.

In the internet under a username I'm not as worried though, especially in non-Finnish sites since the chances of someone I know realizing it's me are low.



NorthWind
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29 Aug 2019, 2:04 am

I think the problem of some may also be what kind of information and not just how much. Many of the most sociable, extroverted people who make good first impressions tend to reveal quite a bit of information early on.

However, early on they don't reveal information that can easily be used against them. They come across as optimistic people with positive attitudes. They don't start off venting or complaining. Some are quite likely to tell a little story from their personal life, but they know how storytelling works, which stories will interest enough people and they don't go into long-winded monologues. They're not scared someone may express dislike of something they like if they are authentic about their interests, hobbies, life-choices etc. Therefore they can talk about them with confidence and don't seem crushed if someone disagrees.

Others instantly trying to take advantage of one can be due to showing the hallmarks of a person who lets others take advantage of themself.
This can be obvious loneliness, a desire to make friends no matter what and a desperate need to please others - ignoring the imbalance in the interaction too long out of a desire to socialize and be accepted.
It can be a lack of self-esteem and a subconscious feeling that one deserves bad things happening to them - letting others take advantage because on some level it feels just.
It can be naivety or a lack of social awareness - not realizing that one is being taken advantage of quick enough.
It can be wishful thinking and not realizing that if something sounds too good to be true, then it usually isn't - letting others betray oneself out of a wish that what they promised is true.



Freedom
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29 Aug 2019, 2:30 am

Thank you, NorthWind.
I can relate. Well written and true from my experience.
Always exposing oneself due to lack of selflove is connected with much shame for having those needs to connect.

So for me, I focus on becoming aware of how I feel with my "giveaway" and how it "develops" within the interaction.



psychogirl
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29 Aug 2019, 5:38 am

Currently in face to face interactions with new people I'm in a place where I don't give out much information, too soon or ever. Which means I get to know the other person well, and they think they know me, but they don't really, which makes for a not very satisfying relationship. But once you've left it too long, and someone thinks you're one thing, it's very difficult to adjust their perception and say 'well actually, I'm something else' because then you just look fake.



red_doghubb
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29 Aug 2019, 2:11 pm

psychogirl wrote:
Currently in face to face interactions with new people I'm in a place where I don't give out much information, too soon or ever. Which means I get to know the other person well, and they think they know me, but they don't really which makes for a not very satisfying relationship. But once you've left it too long, and someone thinks you're one thing, it's very difficult to adjust their perception and say 'well actually, I'm something else' because then you just look fake.


I can relate.

I don't know someone from Adam, so why am I going to spill my guts? I need to observe/study them to see if they are trustworthy and then I'll approach. This can take a very long time. Having said that, I have a general loathing of humans (oh boy do I disguise it well at work) and so no desire to interact anyway.



kraftiekortie
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01 Sep 2019, 3:17 am

Yeah.....I am pretty good at spouting forth......and revealing too much of myself.

Fortunately, though, I do keep my pants on in public :P