heartlessaspergers.com
Archmage Arcane
Velociraptor
Joined: 13 Jun 2019
Age: 64
Gender: Male
Posts: 448
Location: Connecticut, USA
Meh.
I work with a lady who has an Autistic son, and I recently came out to her about having an Asperger's diagnosis(unmasked!). We have had fantastic discussions, and one of the things she said to me was how annoyed she gets with Aspies who attend her ASD support group. She said they consistently tie up roundtable group discussions talking about how difficult their loneliness and isolation are, while most of the parents there have children that are non-verbal. On the surface I could take this as a personal slight, but she is choosing to share an intimate moment with me. I think she is probably right that what they are doing is pretty bad behavior. She hasn't accused me of doing that and we've had plenty of discussions after that, so there isn't really a point in overthinking it. I'm sure the owner of that site had a horrible experience. It has nothing to do with me.
I suppose the lesson to learn here is be cognizant that you are an ambassador of the Aspie brand. If you suck, we all suck. So don't suck and be awesome.
ASPartOfMe
Veteran
Joined: 25 Aug 2013
Age: 66
Gender: Male
Posts: 34,471
Location: Long Island, New York
I work with a lady who has an Autistic son, and I recently came out to her about having an Asperger's diagnosis(unmasked!). We have had fantastic discussions, and one of the things she said to me was how annoyed she gets with Aspies who attend her ASD support group. She said they consistently tie up roundtable group discussions talking about how difficult their loneliness and isolation are, while most of the parents there have children that are non-verbal. On the surface I could take this as a personal slight, but she is choosing to share an intimate moment with me. I think she is probably right that what they are doing is pretty bad behavior. She hasn't accused me of doing that and we've had plenty of discussions after that, so there isn't really a point in overthinking it. I'm sure the owner of that site had a horrible experience. It has nothing to do with me.
I suppose the lesson to learn here is be cognizant that you are an ambassador of the Aspie brand. If you suck, we all suck. So don't suck and be awesome.
There is the "Autistic community" made up of Autistic people and the "Autism community" made up of autistic people, parents of autistics, autism researchers, and other interested parties.
There should be separate support groups for Autistic people and parents of Autistic people because the needs and perspectives are often so different. A brief check shows that there are apparently no support groups for Autistic people in the Washington D.C. area. That is unconscionable for a major metropolitan area and the nation's capital. There is Global and Regional Asperger Syndrome Partnership(GRASP) which sets up support groups ran largely by autistics. Wrong Planet member Mona Pereth has experience in activism and setting up Autistic support groups.
Do not take the above to mean that I am an autism separatist. There is a major need for more places where the Autistic community and the larger Autism community intermingle. It is just I feel there is a need for separate groups also. The Autism community groups need to be tightly moderated and new members briefed that they are likely to hear things they find offensive.
Wrong Planet is a hybrid support group, discussion group, autistic community group, and autism community group. Non-autistic people are welcomed here but the needs of autistic people take priority.
_________________
Professionally Identified and joined WP August 26, 2013
DSM 5: Autism Spectrum Disorder, DSM IV: Aspergers Moderate Severity
It is Autism Acceptance Month
“My autism is not a superpower. It also isn’t some kind of god-forsaken, endless fountain of suffering inflicted on my family. It’s just part of who I am as a person”. - Sara Luterman
nick007
Veteran
Joined: 4 May 2010
Age: 41
Gender: Male
Posts: 27,125
Location: was Louisiana but now Vermont in the police state called USA
My girlfriend has a relative who's been diagnosed with Aspergers since he was little. Anyways he's very demanding & expects everyone to go out of their way to accommodate him. He's had a rough life growing up because of autism & having BAD asthma & now feels because of that he is better than others & is entitled to things. He sorta unofficially moved in with my girlfriend for a while(a while before she got with me) & he was only supposed to stay there for a few days but stayed there for a few months. Anyways he kept criticizing her & going on about how he needed things his way & how she had to do things by his schedule on his terms because he worked & she did not. He wanted to control little things about her that should not of affected him & he genuinely believed that he had a rite to do it & stay with her indefinitely because he was working & she was not despite the fact that it was my girlfriend's place & he wasn't helping out much financially because he got himself into massive debt despite having a job & being on Social Security Disability. With "a few" autistic guys like him, it's really no wonder that sites like HeartlessAspergers existed.
_________________
"I don't have an anger problem, I have an idiot problem!"
"Hear all, trust nothing"
https://memory-alpha.fandom.com/wiki/Ru ... cquisition
Well I'm an Aspie in a relationship with an NT and I must say that we get along fine. We've been together over 5 years and we live together. There are a few little things about living with me that my boyfriend could complain about but not enough to fail a relationship and be viewed as "heartless", and anyway everybody has some quirks about them that may get on their spouse's nerves, it's normal. NTs aren't perfect either.
_________________
Female
Kraichgauer
Veteran
Joined: 12 Apr 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 47,795
Location: Spokane area, Washington state.
I'm married to an NT. 19 years, in fact, and I hardly think she'd stay with me that long if I was so "heartless."
_________________
-Bill, otherwise known as Kraichgauer
She doesn't think I'm heartless.
That's what my boyfriend says to me. He calls his ex-wife heartless, and I've met her before and she is definitely not on the spectrum. She broke his heart in the past through selfish acts like cheating, stealing, lying and exploiting. All he wanted was a loving wife and a stable relationship he could rely on and be loved, and he's got that now (with me). I could never break his heart.
My intentions are to be happy with the man I love, but also make him feel happy and special. I don't want to cheat on him, I don't want to steal from him, I don't want to lie and hurt his feelings, and I don't want to exploit him or string him along. I just want to love him and care about him, and he wants to do the same with me. Our relationship is happy, loving, healthy and stable. I have a lot of love in me you see.
_________________
Female
In the beginning she was a little like that
If the family voted to visit a location on a road trip and it was somewhere she wanted to visit she would pout about it.
If she did or said something that really bothers you and you told her she was like owells you should learn to deal with it.
Now she is a sweetheart with a heart of gold tries to help people and animals asks for nothing in return.
She tries to take in to consideration what other people want now. If you tell her something bothers you she tries to be considerate now
I seen the good girl in her and I really wanted to help her develop her social skills and she is the best wife ever.
_________________
Freedom is the sovereign right of every American. Death is a preferable alternative to communism
Democracy is freedom, Communism is tyranny
Teach51
Veteran
Joined: 28 Jan 2019
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,808
Location: Where angels do not fear to tread.
Obviously Aspergers is a spectrum, I know sentimental soft aspies and also hardcore aspies who haven't a clue how to interact without trampling all over your feelings. It hurts when that happens but it's the exception rather than the rule. It is nothing but extreme ignorance to conclude that every man is a chauvinist or every aspie is .... ......whatever.
_________________
My best will just have to be good enough.