White- and blue-collar worlds

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I'm a short, fat, Autistic, 33 yo, quiet, work-with-my-brain, low income white-collar nice guy who lives in a macho man, studly, honky tonk, dirty hands, blue-collar community.

I've never dated, or even come as far as having been kissed in the lips. I'm 0-for-4 in Prom and Homecoming opportunities. Not by my choice, nothing ever materialized. All throughout school and adulthood, I've always wondered why I couldn't get off the ground. I'm still at the startling line while all other men around me have dated at least once, or are married with kids (and some even on 2nd wives).

There are more single men in my community who are looking than there are single women who are looking, about a 2:1 ratio. As soon as a woman breaks up it's like a damn sweepstakes for their attention: the hit-on Facebook comments and likes happen, and about 10 different men will be after her until she decides upon one. As it turns out, most of those men are typical of my community (as described in my first paragraph). Men more studly than me always win out. Single moms with young kids are always looking for high-paid blue-collar men for the money and bedroom performance.

I've come to the conclusion that perhaps my failures at love are because of the environment around me. The general consensus in my community is that if you don't follow the hard-workin-man-like prerequisites, you won't find a Girlfriend.

For the first time in my life, thought about moving away from my home community. My mindset is more white-collar, and it would seem fitting at first glance that a white-collar, suburban setting would fit me. However, I am very low-income. I'm not sure if any poor, white-collar-like environments exist around me. Chicago is my closest major American city.

I have a job in a career field I plan to retire in. I've got a great family. The one thing missing from my life - love - bothers me. Especially when I'm around an environment where everyone is happy in love, I got to stare at it and wonder 'why not me?'

I've rambled too long, but wanted to lay it all here. I'm sure there are gaping holes in my thinking, but I don't know them. I'll hang up and hear your answer.

If this really was a call in show, I think they'd ask what your question is.

Oh, yes ...

What's wrong with me and should I relocate?

In my country, blue workers (ie. builders, plumbers, taxi drivers...etc) are often married; they are often part of closely-knitted ultra-social communities and seem to get married in a semi-arranged fashion; by one family introducing someone to the other.
You rarely find a blue collar with no social life.

If at all possible, yes, of course, if there's a place you can afford that's in or near a city where your kind of job exists. You'll just have to research this.

It is normal for guys with autism to develop slower socially, so a first relationship in their 30s is hardly unusual.

I sense a dissonance in the Force ... a cognitive dissonance ...

As someone who comes from a relatively blue collar background yet is attracted to upper-class/"boujee" women, I know this struggle all too well Any advice?

I think you have some idea of the things that might be holding you back.






How well do you think you compare to the other men in your area in terms of desirability? Given the ratio you cited, it would stand to reason that you'd likely have to be amongst at least the top 50% of men to have reasonable odds of succeeding in love and dating.

I don't buy that all the other white-collar workers in your area, especially the well-paid ones, share your struggles. And if that really was the case, your best option would be to work on moving elsewhere. And if you can't do that, well in my experience, most women aren't terribly interested in men who are more limited than most in where they can go and what they can do, so good luck.

It's not so much a matter of white vs. blue collar but more of an NT vs. AS situation. You may get along better with the female version of yourself. A woman like this won't have the guys you're talking about come her way even if she were the last woman on earth. This has nothing to do with attractiveness - it's just something that simply "is". That used to be my life at 30. I was given good advice from an elder lady in a nursing home that I worked in. She told me to find the male version of myself. I eventually did. We married and have been together for 25 years and counting. Before hitting 30, I would not have even considered my husband - he was cute but meek and thin - the kind of guy that got sand kicked in his face on the beach; but as a mature person now, I'm glad I did. I'm happy. I've learned to love him in ways that I never thought I could. Before marriage and maturity, I was looking at all the wrong people in all the wrong places and trying to be something that I was not and then thinking that I was a failure. It never occurred to me that I was "different". I could not make it in the NT world.
I'm not socially connected and will never be. I have my husband, a couple of kids just like us, and happiness...oh,.and a cat too...his name is, coincidentally, "Happiness". Also, the friends we have - "are just like us." We didn't make friends overnight. We were patient and eventually met our kind of people. The biggest problem with me was that I didn't know who I was. From middle school to the age of 29, I went through the motions of being the personality I thought matched my good looks - outgoing, vivacious, etc... - and I failed. If I looked the way my brain functioned, I would be this bespectacled, plain, boring grey-sweatered, librarian. I used to have men come flying my way only to be horribly disappointed the very first date because I was both weird and strange yet strikingly beautiful. My interests didn't match theirs, etc...etc...the insults went on and on....and then a magic thing happened, I met that old lady who turned my life around. I hope that this will turn your life around too. Good Luck

If you are aspie, the thing that attracts you to them is their aspieness - it's nothing to do with blue or white collar.
I'm from a blue collar family but was always taken for a white collar individual because of my demure way and my upper-class "interests". I put the "pie" in aspie not the "ass". Superfically, my husband is way above me in every aspect and superficially speaking, should be with someone else but he's with me because we are of the same soul.
He's my soul-mate regardless of the vast difference in education, upbringing, pay/employment, religion and race.
Nt's need all that stuff I mentioned in order to communicate. We aspies are a totally different species neurologically. We communicate differently. The whole NT world tries to make a billion excuses as to why aspies are different. It's only one thing that divides us - its communication. That's all. We can't really communicate with them but we can communicate with each other. A whole new world opens up when you can communicate with the right people.

Perhaps instead of relocating you could look for a girl who is willing to relocate. You could try the mail-order bride route(I would of done that if I had the resources) or you could maybe meet a girl online who needs a place to stay(I planned to do that 1ce I had my own place which was sorta in the works)