Ruined reputation

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I don't know if a "ruined reputation" are a the right words to use to describe my son's situation. He will graduate from college this year. He is articulate, friendly, and respectful but because we live in the same neighborhood that he grew up in, all my neighbors refer to him as "the ret*d boy". He's a man now and honestly doesn't know how to react to this. One of his college professors recommended him for a major company where he will complete his internship and has guaranteed employment afterwards. He has informed me that he is moving out of our neighborhood as soon as he can because of them. I wanted him to live with me rent-free so he could save money to put down on a house. I feel apartments are a waste of money. I am happy for him but sad for me. I didn't want to see him move out so soon and now I am harboring hateful intent for all of my neighbors. Would you believe that I had to conceal the fact that he even went to college because of the disbelief, ridicule, and mockery from my neighbors. One of them mockingly said to me that my son didn't even graduate from high school. The truth was that I asked the school to keep him off of the graduation list and I had to let them know he wanted nothing to do with the commencement. I didn't think that they would be checking the list to see if my son was on it. Any thoughts on this? I'd like to get even with them but that is against my believe in Christianity. But BOY WOULD I ENJOY THAT!!

I think it's great for your son that he is moving out and will get that job position. It will be very good for him and his self esteem.

Please ignore your neighbors


They have a "right" to be ass holes

They have a "right" to free speech


But they do not have the authority to revoke your son's diploma. High school or college

If I were your son, I would move away as soon as I could. To keep my sanity and self esteem in better shape. It's not waste of money, it's a long-term investment in being sane and productive.

On a recent visit to my hometown, there were people there who still thought of me as "that weird kid" -- a socially awkward, physically clumsy, nervous and jumpy, 14-year-old walking encyclopedia. Those small-town minds played an important role in my decision to leave my hometown in the first place. They now seem incapable of reconciling my success with their image of me as a loser. Effum. Effum all.

One of them mockingly said to me that my son didn't even graduate from high school.

Being mean to mean people can achieve a fragile balance of power such that their fear of your meanness might inhibit them from showing their meanness to you. This can be destructive over the long term because it tends to harden you. Nations sometimes need to have this policy to discourage invasion. However, at the individual level it can foster a root of bitterness.

If these people claim to be Christian, one might challenge them as to explain how the love of Christ is demonstrated in their mockery and contempt for you and your son. Since the hallmark of a Christian is supposed to be his love for other Christians one can only conclude that they are not really Christian or are so given over to foolishness as to be indiscernible as a Christian.

The bible gives two apparently contradictory methods for dealing with fools.

Answer not a fool according to his folly, lest thou also be like unto him. Answer a fool according to his folly, lest he be wise in his own conceit. - Proverbs 26:4-5

These two pieces of advice depend on different circumstances. If there is danger that you will get sucked into a pointless exchange, you should avoid the fool. If you think there is a chance the fool could benefit of learn from being confronted in his foolishness, then you might risk engaging him.

The fact that you are dealing with fools is borne out by the fact they declare that which they do not know.

A fool's mouth is his destruction, and his lips are the snare of his soul. - Proverbs 18:7

If your son is able to build a life away from fools, or better yet among Christians who actually act as Christians, he may be able to make a home for you as well and you may be able to escape the society of fools.

I got a job and moved far away from home after getting a degree. Perhaps the best decision I ever made.

Now that the Bible has been invoked...

"Truly I tell you," he continued, "no prophet is accepted in his hometown..." -- Jesus (Gospel According to Luke, chapter 4, verse 14)

Maybe you should move out yourself, given that the neighbors have had as bad of an impact as they have on him.

Also, when your son graduates, how about you show them his diploma(or whatever it is he gets)?

I graduated HS this past May, and when my name was called, no one cheered except for my family, so I understand why you kept him off the grad list.

Generally one of the attributes of today's society is that people move around a lot, they are more mobile. When I was growing up, I lived in many different houses and different cities and states. By my mid-20s I lived in a total of 11 different houses/apartments scattered across 5 states. Once I got married and began raising a family, I wanted stability, so I moved into the countryside 41 years ago, bought land, built a house and there I stayed. Both my children went to the same school for all 13 years of pre-college education. Now they are married and raising families. One is an hour and a half away and the other is a 6 hours drive away. And we visit them and they visit us.

Now the second consideration is that "One must live where they work". In other words your job will dictate where you live. If you move to a distant city and do not have a job, your world will generally unravel. You need an income to live. This is especially true in the beginning when you have zero job experience. Later as the years roll by and you have gained real life skills and experience, then you can apply to other opportunities and relocate.

A few years ago, I attended my first high school class reunion. It was the 50th reunion. Surprisingly many of the now adult students remembered me. They said, "Oh you were the Math Genius; we wondered whatever became of you."

What kind of people are your neighbours? The energy they have put into going after your son makes you wonder if these people are complete morons. They should be totally ashamed of themselves.

Sorry to hear how negative an impact your community has had on you and your son. I moved to England from Australia, and my little village has always stood right behind my son, who is soon turning 21. I was able to educate them little by little when they asked about him, when he was younger, and they have supported his successes, and he has a good chat with them when he’s helping me outdoors, and they pass by. He has this wonderful relationship with an elderly man a street away, who has a dog named Biggles . My son is giving “Mr Biggles” an acting role in a film he’s making, and the ladies in the neighbourhood are just as chuffed. I so wish your community had a better spirit of “helping to raise and support the younger generation”. When you see it in action, it’s a beautiful thing. All the best to you and your son. I don’t blame him for wanting to move away and enjoy his independence - sounds like you’ve raised a wonderful son there.

Thank you all for your support and good wishes!!

Just wait to you all hear this one: Just the other day, one of my neighbors must have felt like slinging a little mud my way. I parked my car and proceeded to go into my house when one of them says, "I wish I knew where her son went to college so my two can just fly through and not have to work so hard." I'm writing this witch off as sick. She has no idea what we've been through and get this - this woman claims to be a social worker at some school district somewhere. I didn't think that social workers talked like this.

Wow. Just, wow.

I feel really sorry for the students stuck with her deciding their fates.