...The clock

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Is the ticking biological clock a social concept that we internalise, is it a biological need, is it an emotional/psychological want/need?

I decided and made peace with the idea that I would not have children almost 5 years ago now.
What made it difficult was that in my 20s I experienced at times what i can only call a completely hijacking of my rational self by a overwhelming desire to have children. Which I didn't pursue.

This has passed for the most part... at times if I'm holding a baby I feel it creep back into my consciousness, or see a mum and baby interacting the way I would have with my own, the experience doesn't hijack me like it used to though.
Looking at pre teens and teens is the best reality check.
Can anyone relate to this? Or not relate? Understand it and inclined to share?
All responses welcome.

I sometimes wish I had a child.

I wonder if it would have matured me as a person.

And the fact that I nurtured another person, through me being a father, to become a good person.

All that cannot be taken away from you.

But I never had a kid----and I probably won't have one. I'm ambivalent about having one, even these days, because I don't know if I would fail as a father.

It's definitely something that's "missing" from my existence. I should have been a grandfather by now.

But I don't usually let it bother me too much. I think of the fact that when I retire, I could travel the world without having to find a babysitter.

I know a woman who gave birth to healthy twins when she was about 55 years old.

OTOH, what about someone who did have children and then, at some critical stage long after the ticking clock has exerted its pull, you wonder, why the hell did I go through all that to end up with this. And not in a good way.

I think it's about all of them; emotion, biological reasons and social pressure, but it depends on the person which of these are the strongest reasons for the clock to tic.

I don't think biologically it would go further than the need for sex.
It's social pressure, and emotional pressure if a negative thinking style is present that tends to regrets and looking back or fear of missing out. Humans are rarely satisfied with the way things are anyway.

One day your children aren't small and cute anymore and the time span during which they allegedly make your life more joyful is small.
Are your parents' lives better NOW at this point in time because they had you?

In some countries the parents in old age might be dependent on their children so it can pay off.

I had to fight to have kids and at the climax of that story knew my struggle needed to be over one way or another: child-free, medical interventions, adoption. I was open to any solution (given my NT husband's support for the child options). I wondered how much I wanted kids and how much I wanted to do what I was "supposed" to do - or was simply angry I wasn't achieving what I said I would do. I am respectful but fairly standoffish with kids. I was actually looking forward to menopause b/c then it would be out of my hands. As "fate" would have it, I have kids. I see it as one way it went; it could have gone another way. There are Pros and Cons for each. My Aspie-like BFF does not have children, nor a sister-in-law (OCD at least). Socially there are in the minority. I am a touch as an "older" mom.

However, I have considered for the future fostering older children (with my NT husband's support), mainly b/c I get it: I get the turmoil. In some ways I can relate to and understand these children going through tough times. I can give them space for that. I suppose that would be a type of "clock" also --- I've met a few older women (Aspie included) who approaching 60 or 70 wanted to do something more community minded (non-profits -or nearly so, etc.).

When I was exploring child-free, a child-free woman leader said she was very happy with her life but still got the occasional "sloppy kiss" pang (see a kid run up and give parent sloppy kiss) - which diminishes over time. I am sure she understood that likewise a parent has the occasional "hands free" pang (not subject to the demands of littles) - which diminishes over time.

Hi Jimmy I posted it here to ensure a female theme to the replies, but I welcome responses from everyone! We all bring something to the table.

(This section welcomes respectful male participation, if however only female responses are sought 'women only' is stated in the title.)

To reply in general...
I do think my parents lives were better for having children, it forced them to grow as people.
I'm not so sure that my life would be better for having children though. In some ways yes, for the emotional/psychological need, but that to me isnt alone a good reason to have children. There are practicalities to consider.
I'm fortunate to be born into an era of choice, and for that I give a nod to the people who made it possible.
If I didn't have other options, I would be ok for a while... I dont believe that I'd have the razor sharp capability to provide for a family, meet their needs in a way that minimises risks to their long term wellbeing and retain my health.
I haven't ruled out fostering (at a point in time when I'm in a position to do this) but again I have to prioritise my self care.

I do want at least one biological child, but the fear and anxiety of pregnancy makes me become avoidant. Being pregnant can cause changes to the body, and some small changes can be permanent. One of my friends said she hardly ever threw up before she was pregnant, but ever since she fell pregnant and had her baby, she's been more prone to throwing up, as in not being able to fight the urge to throw up when nauseous. And she had her baby 5 years ago and is still prone to stomach flus, travel sickness and hangovers even without drinking much. So if getting pregnant can permanently change some of your bodily habits then I think I'll pass.

It's so unfair that women have to suffer pregnancy and childbirth, not to mention hormone changes, while men can just enjoy their baby without any physical pain or changes. My sensory issues make me more sensitive to pain than most other people. I find PAP tests extremely painful, a pain that gets passed off as "it's all in your head".

If I was a guy, I'd have found a girl with no fear of pregnancy, and had a baby by now.

I'm grateful that I had enough sense to not have kids. I come from four generations of family dysfunction, and I'm proud of myself for breaking the cycle.