Should introverts just not have relationships

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RetroGamer87
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19 Sep 2019, 8:05 am

I'm really an introvert and my girlfriend complains I don't spend enough time with her. I need my alone time. When she gets upset that I'm not paying attention to her she deliberately tries to annoy me. At first I thought she was just evil but eventually she told me it's because she wants attention.

I guess for her negative attention is better than none at all. She asks me why I even wanted to have a girlfriend when I want to spend nearly all of my time alone. I guess it's because being single made me feel like a loser and my brother was teasing me about being a virgin. So should people like me who just want to be alone not have relationships.


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The_Face_of_Boo
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19 Sep 2019, 8:09 am

Yes, let's die alone.



red_doghubb
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19 Sep 2019, 8:36 am

RetroGamer87 wrote:
I'm really an introvert and my girlfriend complains I don't spend enough time with her. I need my alone time. When she gets upset that I'm not paying attention to her she deliberately tries to annoy me. At first I thought she was just evil but eventually she told me it's because she wants attention.

I guess for her negative attention is better than none at all. She asks me why I even wanted to have a girlfriend when I want to spend nearly all of my time alone. I guess it's because being single made me feel like a loser and my brother was teasing me about being a virgin. So should people like me who just want to be alone not have relationships.


If that's the only reason you are in this relationship, thats incredibly unfair to her. A partner deserves better than that.



kraftiekortie
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19 Sep 2019, 8:38 am

If you want to know my honest opinion, I really don't think being an introvert should deter people from seeking friendships and lovers.

Why should people who are introverted deny themselves the potential for happiness with another person?

I find people who are extroverted should realize that there are some people who are introverted----and shouldn't force an introverted person to have extroverted tendencies.



Last edited by kraftiekortie on 19 Sep 2019, 8:40 am, edited 1 time in total.

red_doghubb
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19 Sep 2019, 8:40 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
If you want to know my honest opinion, I really don't think being an introvert should deter people from seeking friendships and lovers.

Why should people who are introverted deny themselves the potential for happiness with another person?


they shouldn't as long as they understand the "other" wants happiness too



jimmy m
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19 Sep 2019, 8:43 am

About half the world are introverts and the other half are extroverts. Being an introvert is not a valid excuse to not have a relationship.

But then again perhaps your reason for having a relationship "I guess it's because being single made me feel like a loser and my brother was teasing me about being a virgin." is perhaps the wrong reason.

Here are 5 healthy reasons to be in a relationship.
1. GIVING AND RECEIVING LOVE AND CARE
2. MUTUAL SUPPORT
3. GROWTH
4. FAMILY AND CHILDREN
5. FRIENDSHIP AND FUN

Source: 5 Healthy Reasons to be in a Relationship


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kraftiekortie
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19 Sep 2019, 9:55 am

Abso-toot-ly!

The introverted person should consider the feelings of his/her partner who might be extroverted.

But the extroverted person shouldn't push the introverted person into social intercourse constantly.



RightGalaxy
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19 Sep 2019, 10:11 am

Would you care if she left you? You may admire each other deeply but maybe your idea of a relationship isn't her idea of one. If you love her, and she pulls your strings, DO answer her call for attention before somebody else does. If you really want to be alone all the time, maybe you should let her go. Attention is like a vitamin to some people. If they don't get the supplement, they wither and die or simply blow away and drop a seed somewhere else. If you love her, make special times for her and just her. Let her know you need your solitude but indulge her as much as she needs. You two must establish some sort of balance or it just might end. Maybe you are better off with someone like yourself.
My husband is a workaholic. I've taken a back seat to his job for many years. His job is in essence the other woman.
Sure, I hurt but his job pays the bills and keeps our household running. We have our bonding moments but I'm almost 60 and my kids are grown. I was always busy with them while he indulged in his work - I didn't feel the pinch so much. I feel it now, but because I'm older, I don't really mind it. It's the way he is. I love him. I honestly believe that the kids were his way of keeping me busy because he knew the way he was and he knew I would not have been able to take it.
The loneliness would have made me flee. You could marry this person but can you afford a couple of kids at this time? It will hold her attention for a good number of years but she will be jealous of the other dads who are involved with their kids. This is a serious thing here. Think it through carefully. My husband was aloof even from the kids. They still grew up fine and kept me busy. I accepted this because that's the way he is.



Last edited by RightGalaxy on 19 Sep 2019, 10:38 am, edited 1 time in total.

RightGalaxy
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19 Sep 2019, 10:18 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Yes, let's die alone.


:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:



RightGalaxy
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19 Sep 2019, 10:40 am

RightGalaxy wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Yes, let's die alone.


:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:


Boo, you always make me laugh. You extend my life, dearest Boo. :heart:



IsabellaLinton
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19 Sep 2019, 11:10 am

I'm extremely introverted, selective mute, and I have agoraphobia as well as a myriad of sensory disorders which keep me indoors and alone. My heart would love a relationship; I idealise them and I fall in love easily. I have the desire for a partner but I know through trial and error that I wouldn't be able to sustain a longterm relationship. I value my privacy, and I retreat both physically and emotionally when others get too close. It was difficult to accept the fact that I will always be alone but, simultaneously, I know that's best for me.



The Grand Inquisitor
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19 Sep 2019, 6:20 pm

Wouldn't dating another introvert be a better solution than giving up on relationships entirely?



IsabellaLinton
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19 Sep 2019, 6:29 pm

The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
Wouldn't dating another introvert be a better solution than giving up on relationships entirely?


I'm not sure if that question is for me, or Retro, or if it's a general query.

In my case, I don't even speak on the phone. I can happily go weeks (months?) without seeing people. I can't share a bed. I don't like to hug because of sensory reasons. I'm not a conversationalist. I could happily have an online partner and just type love letters back and forth, but I'm not able to cope with people in my home or space. My closest friend is my exbf who happens to be gay, but we are still good friends. I see him about five times a year for a couple of hours, or a platonic overnight. In between, I'm happy not to talk at all.



sly279
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19 Sep 2019, 10:14 pm

jimmy m wrote:
About half the world are introverts and the other half are extroverts. Being an introvert is not a valid excuse to not have a relationship.

But then again perhaps your reason for having a relationship "I guess it's because being single made me feel like a loser and my brother was teasing me about being a virgin." is perhaps the wrong reason.

Here are 5 healthy reasons to be in a relationship.
1. GIVING AND RECEIVING LOVE AND CARE
2. MUTUAL SUPPORT
3. GROWTH
4. FAMILY AND CHILDREN
5. FRIENDSHIP AND FUN

Source: 5 Healthy Reasons to be in a Relationship


Where’s data that shows that?
I’d wager it’s 80/20 at most


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kraftiekortie
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19 Sep 2019, 10:26 pm

Many introverts try to act like extroverts.....when they really don’t want to.



magz
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20 Sep 2019, 2:23 am

I'm an introvert, in the same relationship with another introvert since 2004, so, I think, introverts are as suited for relationships as any other people.
The point is to be in a relationship with a right person, someone capable of understanding your needs and someone whose needs you can understand.

Being in a relationship to avoid shame for being single is, in my opinion, not a good idea. I would dump the man the moment I learned about it - because it would mean he wasn't interested in me, only in relationship status.


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