Aspies/Aspies, Aspies/NTs How long is/was your marriage?

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How long is /was your AS/AS or AS/NT marriage?
AS/ AS or AS/NT and we are...….. married for ...……. over 1 year. 0%  0%  [ 0 ]
AS/ AS or AS/NT and we are........ married for ...….…. over 3 years. 0%  0%  [ 0 ]
AS/ AS or AS/NT and we are........ married for ...….…. over 5 years. 13%  13%  [ 1 ]
AS/ AS or AS/NT and we are........ married for ...….…. over 10 years. 25%  25%  [ 2 ]
AS/ AS or AS/NT and we are........ married for ...…...... over 20 years. 0%  0%  [ 0 ]
AS/ AS or AS/NT and we are........ married for ….….... over 30 years. 13%  13%  [ 1 ]
AS/ AS or AS/NT and we were..... married for ….….... over 1 year. 0%  0%  [ 0 ]
AS/ AS or AS/NT and we were..... married for ….….... over 3 years. 0%  0%  [ 0 ]
AS/ AS or AS/NT and we were..... married for …….…. over 5 years. 0%  0%  [ 0 ]
AS/ AS or AS/NT and we were..... married for …….…. over 10 years. 13%  13%  [ 1 ]
AS/ AS or AS/NT and we were..... married for …….…. over 20 years. 13%  13%  [ 1 ]
AS/ AS or AS/NT and we were..... married for …….…. over 30 years. 25%  25%  [ 2 ]
Total votes : 8

goldenstardust
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02 Oct 2019, 1:50 pm

Just as with many things Aspies, there are lots of good stats and not so current stats out there that blur or distort the actual situation. Marriage is no different. It would be wonderful to see some real and actual first hand data on how is it going in the world of marriage in the real world. If you are in AS/AS or AS/NT marriage please share how is your marriage doing in terms of time. How long are you in the marriage or how long did it last if you are separated or divorced and consider that the marriage has in reality ended regardless of legal status.

The poll is set to run indefinitely and gives an option to change the vote if your situation changes and you would like to change your vote.



magz
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02 Oct 2019, 2:08 pm

I'm in something in-between: AS-BAP marriage. Or AS-Undiagnosed AS. Depends on interpretation of the criteria.
11 years now, stable.


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Magna
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02 Oct 2019, 8:24 pm

Which one?


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AQ-43 (32-50 indicates a strong likelihood of Asperger syndrome or autism).
EQ-14 out of 80
Rdos: Your neurodiverse (Aspie) score: 173 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 39 of 200
You are very likely neurodiverse (Aspie)


kraftiekortie
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02 Oct 2019, 8:25 pm

I've been married 24 years. To a total NT LOL



WalkerTR
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02 Oct 2019, 8:31 pm

I misread krafties post at first



kraftiekortie
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03 Oct 2019, 8:53 am

She can be a nut at times, too LOL :P

She does enjoy eating nuts.



jimmy m
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03 Oct 2019, 10:25 am

AS/NT married for 45 years.

I noticed that I hit the wrong hit box. I hit the box "we were married for over 30 years" rather than the hit box "we are married for over 30 years". We are still married. So OP please correct.



Last edited by jimmy m on 03 Oct 2019, 10:39 am, edited 1 time in total.

WalkerTR
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03 Oct 2019, 10:32 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
She can be a nut at times, too LOL :P

She does enjoy eating nuts.


haha :D



nick007
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03 Oct 2019, 10:42 am

Me & my current girlfriend would be married by now but we're both disabled & marriage would screw up her benefits. If we were married I would probably have to work a full time Vermont state minimum wage job to break even where we are now. Anyways we're both on the spectrum thou she's probably less on the spectrum than me. We've been living together about 7 years now & have been in a relationship for at least half a year longer. Our relationship is far from perfect. We both have various issues besides Aspergers which can make things very difficult for ourselves & each other sometimes. We both feel the other would be better off without us sometimes but we're both very loyal & committed to trying to make things work. We both need reassurance from the other sometimes. Life & environmental circumstances are playing a major factor too. Things start looking up in one way & then a bunch of sh!t goes wrong which stresses us out.


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magz
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03 Oct 2019, 10:53 am

Magna wrote:
Which one?

You mean which of us?
Well, I was identified Aspie by a specialist (not full diagnosis because it would cost me a lot and I wouldn't gain anything from it - and after my misdiagnosis I don't trust official diagnoses any more than "now it does make sense").
I also have had a life of poor mental health that at least partially was caused by my unadressed condition.

My husband is... an introverted Silicone Valley engineer with poor social skills, obsessive interests and some sensory issues. But not diagnosed and not seeking any diagnosis because he's doing in life well enough. BAP or "Lucky Aspie".


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Redneck Aspie
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03 Oct 2019, 11:09 am

I was married for 48 years. I found out about Asperger's Syndrome about 15 years ago, and it was like the lights coming on for my whole life. My ex-wife has claimed for years to be ADD, but has the sensory issues, the obsessions, and the hyper-focus (when she is interested in something) that go with autism. To my knowledge she has never had an actual diagnosis of ADD.

The first 20 years were good. In the '90s we got into a period that was very stressful, and we both drifted into coping behaviors that were not helpful for the long term. Over time, our relationship stagnated, but we stayed together. The last four years were another major time of stress, caring for her elderly parents. They both passed away in February and March of 2018. Things got worse from there, and in September I moved out. We filed for an uncontested divorce in April, and it came through in June.

We have three grown kids, all on the spectrum somewhere. Oldest got married at 30, has now been married for 13 years. His wife is probably also on the spectrum but refuses to accept it. They have two kids, a boy who has been diagnosed, a daughter who is likely but less severe than her brother. Our daughter and her husband both accept that they are on the spectrum. They have been married for 21 years and have seven kids--two boys, five girls. The youngest, 3 years old, MAYBE is an NT; all the rest are on the spectrum somewhere, with various severity levels. Two have been diagnosed, two more are in process. Younger son has one boy by his first marriage (who was first of my grandchildren to be diagnosed). He was divorced after 4 years, and is now married again. His first wife may have been AS, his second is probably NT.

Looking back, I would say that autism was a factor in our marriage breakdown, made worse by poor choices in coping strategies that we both made over the years. Divorce might have been avoided if we had done better, but we didn't.



Magna
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03 Oct 2019, 8:48 pm

magz wrote:
Magna wrote:
Which one?

You mean which of us?
Well, I was identified Aspie by a specialist (not full diagnosis because it would cost me a lot and I wouldn't gain anything from it - and after my misdiagnosis I don't trust official diagnoses any more than "now it does make sense").
I also have had a life of poor mental health that at least partially was caused by my unadressed condition.

My husband is... an introverted Silicone Valley engineer with poor social skills, obsessive interests and some sensory issues. But not diagnosed and not seeking any diagnosis because he's doing in life well enough. BAP or "Lucky Aspie".


No. I meant which marriage? I've been married twice. The one that matters, the current one/last one that will be, has been 18 years now. The first one was a huge mistake from day one. I blocked out so much of it that all I recall is that it started in the early nineties and I honestly can't recall how long it lasted; approx two years?


_________________
"There is no love of living without despair of life." - Albert Camus

"Ain't nothing but a stranger in this world
I'm nothing but a stranger in this world" -Van Morrison

AQ-43 (32-50 indicates a strong likelihood of Asperger syndrome or autism).
EQ-14 out of 80
Rdos: Your neurodiverse (Aspie) score: 173 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 39 of 200
You are very likely neurodiverse (Aspie)


magz
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04 Oct 2019, 12:01 am

Magna wrote:
No. I meant which marriage? I've been married twice. The one that matters, the current one/last one that will be, has been 18 years now. The first one was a huge mistake from day one. I blocked out so much of it that all I recall is that it started in the early nineties and I honestly can't recall how long it lasted; approx two years?

Oooops :oops:

I guess the one that matters matters ;)


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