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Jayo
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03 Oct 2019, 4:30 pm

Like, when you were at a sufficiently functioning level to mask or conceal your idiosyncrasies in a given environment or new situation, in which others had accepted you more or less - only to have that sabotaged by someone from your past who "had it in for you" , someone who coincidentally entered the new situation and outed you to your peers?
If so, how did you deal with it?
I suppose you could have tried a preemptive strike of discrediting this other individual, and making him/her seem like "the mentally ill one", but we are generally not so persuasive in interpersonal situations like this...



Joe90
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03 Oct 2019, 4:39 pm

I'm not sure if I had someone from my past come along and ruin my friendships, but I have had people suddenly start picking on me for silly reasons when they were my friends.
Like for example, I used to volunteer at a charity shop when I was younger, and in the first year I was rather accepted, and one of the women there got me a birthday card and was kind and friendly in other ways too, and we got on well. Then suddenly she started acting quite bitchy towards me, and humiliating me because of a harmless social quirk I had, and one of the other women joined in. I felt a bit distraught by people for a while after that because I thought these people were nice, but instead I ended up quitting because of the way they made me feel. It also knocked my confidence back, although I have regained my confidence again.


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CalicoMischief
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03 Oct 2019, 6:30 pm

I've outed my autistic coworker to a few people because they were talking negatively about him behind his back, like they knew something was wrong with him so I told them he's autistic just like me and they stopped doing it.



lvpin
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03 Oct 2019, 6:31 pm

I have never been outed as I tend to be more open about my autism because I'm honestly so drained from masking that I don't care anymore. However I have experienced someone having it in for me for no reason, sabotaging and permanently ruining good friendships. I also have experienced people suddenly deciding to ignore the fact I exist for at least a year for no reason that I can understand, as in not even looking at me.



renaeden
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04 Oct 2019, 5:59 am

I'm not sure if this counts.
Mum and I met a real estate agent to look at a possible rental for me and my fiance. It was really nice and I was prepared to say yes, I'd like it. The agent asked me some questions about how I'd keep the place tidy and do gardening there when Mum piped up with, "It's ok, she's autistic, nothing will get out of hand, she likes things in order."

I think I actually blushed because no one had ever done that to me before. I just went, "Aw, Mum!"

The agent just nodded and we filled out paperwork. The awkward moment was over.



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04 Oct 2019, 6:15 am

Ah. Outed. It is a new term for me. Yes. I have been. I don't really mind. As long as the person has the facts right it is fine. So much easier then to say things myself! Haha!


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05 Oct 2019, 11:47 am

I don't think anyone has told another person about my autism without me knowing, I but I'd be pretty upset if someone did this - it's something very personal and it is my right to control who I tell/don't tell.



Joe90
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06 Oct 2019, 3:29 am

Oops, I think I answered this thread wrong. :oops:
I didn't understand what some of the words in the OP meant.

When I was at my last job we had an American woman who was the deputy manager, and one day we had a staff meeting just to discuss how we're all doing. Just before the meeting was about to end, she turned to me and said, "I know a lot about Asperger's, Joe90, because I have a nephew with it". A few of the younger workers stared at me and I knew the stare said "you have Asperger's?" I don't know why she needed to say that but I felt my face going red and I just wanted the ground to open up and swallow me. I'd been so good at masking my Asperger's so my colleagues needn't know about it, only the managers in the office, and I was happy to keep it that way. Luckily not everybody in the workplace was in this meeting but I was still enraged. I didn't want my shameful label to be blabbed out unnecessarily in front of people like that. I'm an adult and if I choose not to have everybody knowing then it should be up to me, I don't need someone to go around blabbing it out. I am just not one of those Aspies who are proud and open about it, and nobody can change that.

Thank God nobody, not even the manager, knows a thing about my label at my current job.


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ASPartOfMe
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06 Oct 2019, 3:55 am

Joe90 wrote:
Oops, I think I answered this thread wrong. :oops:
I didn't understand what some of the words in the OP meant.

When I was at my last job we had an American woman who was the deputy manager, and one day we had a staff meeting just to discuss how we're all doing. Just before the meeting was about to end, she turned to me and said, "I know a lot about Asperger's, Joe90, because I have a nephew with it". A few of the younger workers stared at me and I knew the stare said "you have Asperger's?" I don't know why she needed to say that but I felt my face going red and I just wanted the ground to open up and swallow me. I'd been so good at masking my Asperger's so my colleagues needn't know about it, only the managers in the office, and I was happy to keep it that way. Luckily not everybody in the workplace was in this meeting but I was still enraged. I didn't want my shameful label to be blabbed out unnecessarily in front of people like that. I'm an adult and if I choose not to have everybody knowing then it should be up to me, I don't need someone to go around blabbing it out. I am just not one of those Aspies who are proud and open about it, and nobody can change that.

That was horrible and probably illegal. She should be suspended if not fired for that. Personal medical information should never be revealed without consent.


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naturalplastic
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06 Oct 2019, 7:22 am

Mountain Goat wrote:
Ah. Outed. It is a new term for me. Yes. I have been. I don't really mind. As long as the person has the facts right it is fine. So much easier then to say things myself! Haha!


Yes. A new usage of a couple decades old term originally used by the gay community.

A homosexual can either "stay in the closet", or "come out" ( conceal it, or they can live openly as gay).

Then in the Nineties there was controversial fad of gays "outing" others as being gay.

Recently I observe folks on this site substituting "gay" with "autistic" in using the word "outing".

In some ways autism and homosexuality are analogous. But in some ways they are not.



Jakki
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06 Oct 2019, 7:51 am

Yes..in a very bad way .. was a actual brother of mine and his gf. Then got together with some definite psychopathic types i knew from high school whom , i had left behind outta my life . Intentionally.
For a great number of years , used my connection with my younger brother , eventually seeing , my husband and i were doing well together . He was aerospace worker , air force veteran . Caught us at a weak point in our lives , executed my husband , whilst we were apart by 1500 miles . Caring for his elderly father . Whom had just passed . Suspicious circumstances . Since only witnesss were brother and g.f. at the scene . DA assumed they were correct about how , my hubby had attacked the gf and they had to kill him.
Was very naive myself and my hubby was trusting. Only problem was the facts in the case did not support anything that actually happened , and case was closed . Guess that counts as outted ? :( oddly enough these facts still exist)


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Arganger
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06 Oct 2019, 9:57 am

I'm obviously autistic enough no one has to out me


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aquafelix
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08 Oct 2019, 3:54 am

Yes, its always a bit scary cause I'd deluded myself for so long into believing that I can pass as NT



Jakki
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08 Oct 2019, 4:33 am

aquafelix wrote:
Yes, its always a bit scary cause I'd deluded myself for so long into believing that I can pass as NT


Yes but , we at that time .We Were in love and nt and aspie are not always on the priority list ..was just prior to my diagnosis and by all outward compelling personal issues, my husband would have tested high as a aspie too. Was just hoping to exist , till end of all time. In retrospect both defo aspie peeps.


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shortfatbalduglyman
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08 Oct 2019, 8:05 am

Lil dipshits had the nerve to "out" me as trans

(Or they were in denial that I was trans)

Almost nobody that I disclosed autistic diagnosis to, was too fascinated or receptive

By far the most common response was "you don't look autistic"



EzraS
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08 Oct 2019, 10:41 am

More like explained me when someone was looking at me with a puzzled expression.