Is it a myth or not that women dislike us?

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It occurred to me that this thread was about guys like me whether I want to think about it or not. I was the subject before I posted here & it feels lousy.

No real debate here, only analysis.

You have to say, which woman

There are seven billion precious lil "people" in the world

Half of seven billion are women

Every woman likes different things

Autistic men have a competitive disadvantage at dating, than neurotypical men. All things equal. Which they are not

You have a diagnosis, great, so you don't exist in a separate category of your own, can't presume that you are any weirder or more misunderstood than any other members here.

As someone who was unaware of AS for 46 years I can tell you that I never heard anyone being disparaging about autism. There is no widely held fixed opinion about us, we barely surface in people's consciousness. All the black and white thinking in regards to how we are perceived is symptomatic of our condition and if we go on to develop a persecution complex, it's on us, not "them". Surely it's more productive to own those feelings and try to work through in the haven than assume to know how the masses feel about us. Are we any good at identifying their emotions, even our own? It's not exactly our strong point.

Having a communication disorder, not being on the same page, or whatever you want to call it is not going to be an advantage as far as dating goes, that should be pretty obvious. Does it follow that "they" dislike us?

I'm inclined to agree with you, but this persecution complex idea doesn't account for any cultural differences between anyone. I'm quite familiar with the strawman that it's all in my head. This thread is not about me & it's not about NTs. It's about people's reactions to a condition they're usually not informed about. I'll always seem weird because I am, lest you think you're as weird as me, did you just spend 80% of your lifetime hacking? I live in a different system. I don't countenance your system & I'm not a willing participant in any society. I just like elegant mechanisms, that doesn't mean I'm part of any.

To answer the title of this thread... It is very hard to tell to be honest, as how would one really know? Put it this way. An allistic person could go through the same circumstance and be rejected as well, and some women may find the autistic person more interesting and attractive, while others won't.

One thing though is that the autistic man may struggle to know how to best approach a lady of the opposite sex. I can certainly come into this catagory even if I am found not to be autistic. The ties I have dated have been either the lady asking me out, or it just sort of happened where things started out as a friendship and esculated from there.

There you go again Cberg, thinking that you know other people's mind better than they do. I've just spent 7 days riding a bike non stop through 3 rainstorms as it happens, getting an average of 4.30 sleep per night, and used to do 18 hour stints of programming too.

You must be as wired as hell, but if romance was really that important to you, guess what? You would be pursuing that. So come on and get real, you would rather be hacking.

The thread is bound to be inconclusive, let's not live in an echo chamber. The more you put in the more you get out.

Actually the problem I've observed is that romance is drastically less important than sex to anyone I know. Dating outside my social circle doesn't disinterest me so much as I'm bad at making time for it. I'm also just really damn shy, it's a medical condition they tell me. It's not that women in general ignore me, but women who really know me do. Please don't stereotype me as a frigid robot man, just because I deal with code when I'd rather be on my bike like you does not mean I don't love anyone.

I have no clue if I'm loved back in any serious way & I know I'm rubbish at interpreting that, but why is it so beneath contempt for me to say how I feel?

I concede, that skewers things and we tend to miss opportunities. Showing interest and then not knowing how to follow it up is problematic too. I just don't buy into the idea that there is a general consensus against us.

I think people build up cognitive dissonance between us & them based on their expectations vs. our strange, distinctive realities.

Well written ....

I often wonder if my lack of close friends and difficulty finding someone was related to the fact I do not in any way fit into a neat stereotype. I was not a jock, not a geek, not a nerd, not a dork but was (and am) a mixture of all four. Maybe they saw my athletic build and were surprised by my nerdiness or maybe they liked my well written profile only to see how I play sports and am a hot head. Perhaps they thought I was a hot head and liked that yet saw how gentle I am with children?

I found it interesting that older or married women (usually with children) seemed to love me but in general the single women wouldn't give me the time of day.

It’s because you look trustworthy and look like you wouldn’t take advantage of their daughters.

The same thing happened to me.

That doesn't stop some people being attracted to us, but it can lead to disappointment further down the line either during courtship or when in a relationship.
You often hear of people being attracted by our unique perspectives or "distinctive realities" as you put it and I bet a lot of us have received interest at some point but not known how to reciprocate, leaving the other party feeling awkward, or let down, we can work on that though.

I would wager that some of you guys would not recognise that a girl was interested in you unless she did a lap dance with you adorned with flower stickers on her nip..s. I think that you need to start decoding women's verbal and non-verbal cues, and do what my aspie does which is match cues with an appropriate response and memorise them. invest all your resources in being better at reading the cues and asking questions , it's all about that. If you don't pick up a woman's flirting she will feel rejected and then it's all gone belly up. Bet you miss it all the time.

I miss these subtle hints all the time. My Mum says "Didn't you notice that girl flirting with you?" I would be like "What girl? Where?" Then my Mum would say when it happened and say "She couldn't have made it more obvious if she tried!"

Then ask your mum to explain to you what the signs of flirting really are.

I'll bet she can't.

Or won't.