Is it a myth or not that women dislike us?

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domineekee
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10 Oct 2019, 4:25 pm

cberg wrote:
I'm also just really damn shy, it's a medical condition they tell me.


I concede, that skewers things and we tend to miss opportunities. Showing interest and then not knowing how to follow it up is problematic too. I just don't buy into the idea that there is a general consensus against us.



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10 Oct 2019, 5:26 pm

I think people build up cognitive dissonance between us & them based on their expectations vs. our strange, distinctive realities.


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10 Oct 2019, 5:58 pm

cberg wrote:
I'm inclined to agree with you, but this persecution complex idea doesn't account for any cultural differences between anyone. I'm quite familiar with the strawman that it's all in my head. This thread is not about me & it's not about NTs. It's about people's reactions to a condition they're usually not informed about. I'll always seem weird because I am, lest you think you're as weird as me, did you just spend 80% of your lifetime hacking? I live in a different system. I don't countenance your system & I'm not a willing participant in any society. I just like elegant mechanisms, that doesn't mean I'm part of any.

Well written .... 8O


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11 Oct 2019, 6:22 am

cberg wrote:
I think people build up cognitive dissonance between us & them based on their expectations vs. our strange, distinctive realities.

I often wonder if my lack of close friends and difficulty finding someone was related to the fact I do not in any way fit into a neat stereotype. I was not a jock, not a geek, not a nerd, not a dork but was (and am) a mixture of all four. Maybe they saw my athletic build and were surprised by my nerdiness or maybe they liked my well written profile only to see how I play sports and am a hot head. Perhaps they thought I was a hot head and liked that yet saw how gentle I am with children?

I found it interesting that older or married women (usually with children) seemed to love me but in general the single women wouldn't give me the time of day.



kraftiekortie
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11 Oct 2019, 6:25 am

It’s because you look trustworthy and look like you wouldn’t take advantage of their daughters.

The same thing happened to me.



domineekee
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11 Oct 2019, 7:49 am

cberg wrote:
I think people build up cognitive dissonance between us & them based on their expectations vs. our strange, distinctive realities.

That doesn't stop some people being attracted to us, but it can lead to disappointment further down the line either during courtship or when in a relationship.
You often hear of people being attracted by our unique perspectives or "distinctive realities" as you put it and I bet a lot of us have received interest at some point but not known how to reciprocate, leaving the other party feeling awkward, or let down, we can work on that though.



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11 Oct 2019, 9:21 am

I would wager that some of you guys would not recognise that a girl was interested in you unless she did a lap dance with you adorned with flower stickers on her nip..s. I think that you need to start decoding women's verbal and non-verbal cues, and do what my aspie does which is match cues with an appropriate response and memorise them. invest all your resources in being better at reading the cues and asking questions , it's all about that. If you don't pick up a woman's flirting she will feel rejected and then it's all gone belly up. Bet you miss it all the time.


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11 Oct 2019, 10:13 am

Teach51 wrote:
I would wager that some of you guys would not recognise that a girl was interested in you unless she did a lap dance with you adorned with flower stickers on her nip..s. I think that you need to start decoding women's verbal and non-verbal cues, and do what my aspie does which is match cues with an appropriate response and memorise them. invest all your resources in being better at reading the cues and asking questions , it's all about that. If you don't pick up a woman's flirting she will feel rejected and then it's all gone belly up. Bet you miss it all the time.


I miss these subtle hints all the time. My Mum says "Didn't you notice that girl flirting with you?" I would be like "What girl? Where?" Then my Mum would say when it happened and say "She couldn't have made it more obvious if she tried!"


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11 Oct 2019, 10:16 am

Then ask your mum to explain to you what the signs of flirting really are.

I'll bet she can't.

Or won't.


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11 Oct 2019, 10:19 am

Fnord wrote:
Then ask your mum to explain to you what the signs of flirting really are.

I'll bet she can't.

Or won't.


She explained what the lady was doing to get my attraction. I was like "Did she? I didn't notice".


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11 Oct 2019, 10:22 am

I did once have a lady make it a bit more apparent. She grabbed my arm and put her arm around mine. Shame she was drunk. It was a complete stranger. The problem with drunk ladies is that when they are sober they change.... And I can't aford to keep them drunk to go out with them! Haha!


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domineekee
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11 Oct 2019, 10:39 am

Teach51 wrote:
I would wager that some of you guys would not recognise that a girl was interested in you unless she did a lap dance with you adorned with flower stickers on her nip..s. I think that you need to start decoding women's verbal and non-verbal cues, and do what my aspie does which is match cues with an appropriate response and memorise them. invest all your resources in being better at reading the cues and asking questions , it's all about that. If you don't pick up a woman's flirting she will feel rejected and then it's all gone belly up. Bet you miss it all the time.

Nicely put! Likewise, if you repeatedly express interest with your body language but don't engage in conversation, it will have the same effect. If you super shy, it's better to present a friendly front rather than court intrigue.

So if you lack the courage to initiate a conversation, it's better not to signal interest by exchanging glances and smiles. Holding eye contact with a stranger for more than half a second, is signalling interest, looking at a stranger for more than a couple of seconds who hasn't shown interest in you is staring.



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11 Oct 2019, 10:44 am

Teach51 wrote:
I would wager that some of you guys would not recognise that a girl was interested in you unless she did a lap dance with you adorned with flower stickers on her nip..s.

Very true! I was so oblivious during my many years as a bachelor if I had a woman strip naked, throw herself at me and say she wanted to be taken NOW I would say something like "sure, I can take you wherever you need to be driven. I see you are in a rush but you should probably have that shower first since you are ready for it." I have been married for years and while I have gotten better I am still hopelessly oblivious when it comes to the missus. She told me I am probably on the spectrum before I even talked to her about it and I will bet it was because she googled my 'frustrating' behaviors.

I wish this forum would focus more an helping Aspie guys (or girls) recognize their own worth and the subtle signs of flirting to watch for and how to react accordingly rather than completely useless advice like "don't be desperate." or "women don't like virgins". I also wish I learned years ago that in most (but certainly not all) cases sexually aggressive women are dangerous and like it or not most good women will wait for you to be the "aggressor" and make the first big move. I naturally assumed that if a woman was interested she would flat out say it but I now realize that is rarely the case.



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11 Oct 2019, 12:21 pm

Mountain Goat wrote:
I did once have a lady make it a bit more apparent. She grabbed my arm and put her arm around mine. Shame she was drunk. It was a complete stranger. The problem with drunk ladies is that when they are sober they change.... And I can't aford to keep them drunk to go out with them! Haha!
why not ? 8O
Obviously a cheapskate wrote this ! ......? Lolz
Written by a non drinker ..


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11 Oct 2019, 12:29 pm

Jakki wrote:
Mountain Goat wrote:
I did once have a lady make it a bit more apparent. She grabbed my arm and put her arm around mine. Shame she was drunk. It was a complete stranger. The problem with drunk ladies is that when they are sober they change.... And I can't aford to keep them drunk to go out with them! Haha!
why not ? 8O
Obviously a cheapskate wrote this ! ......? Lolz
Written by a non drinker ..

Crud , i realised the humour intended here might just go over someones head.
So please understand it " cheapskate " part was intended to juxtaposition the concept of a woman who wrote something like this who is a *non drinker, * *would probably , 100 % of the time been writtin in jest .


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11 Oct 2019, 12:37 pm

GiantHockeyFan wrote:
Teach51 wrote:
I would wager that some of you guys would not recognise that a girl was interested in you unless she did a lap dance with you adorned with flower stickers on her nip..s.

Very true! I was so oblivious during my many years as a bachelor if I had a woman strip naked, throw herself at me and say she wanted to be taken NOW I would say something like "sure, I can take you wherever you need to be driven. I see you are in a rush but you should probably have that shower first since you are ready for it." I have been married for years and while I have gotten better I am still hopelessly oblivious when it comes to the missus. She told me I am probably on the spectrum before I even talked to her about it and I will bet it was because she googled my 'frustrating' behaviors.

I wish this forum would focus more an helping Aspie guys (or girls) recognize their own worth and the subtle signs of flirting to watch for and how to react accordingly rather than completely useless advice like "don't be desperate." or "women don't like virgins". I also wish I learned years ago that in most (but certainly not all) cases sexually aggressive women are dangerous and like it or not most good women will wait for you to be the "aggressor" and make the first big move. I naturally assumed that if a woman was interested she would flat out say it but I now realize that is rarely the case.



I agree about staying clear of sexually agressive women, at least until you have become very sure of each other emotionally, to instigate a relationship like that a woman would be suspect. Nothing against sexually aggressive women per say.
Your example of the woman stripping off and saying "take me" and you saying "take you where?"had me on the floor and laughing with you it is just pure sweet cuteness.


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