So I joined an online dating app

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I ended up matching with someone. Turns out that she goes to my University.

Well, I wasn't expecting this. It'll be awkward if we end up seeing each other on campus. Especially if she recognises me. Although, maybe she doesn't go to my area. Perhaps she's in a different building. I mean, what are the chances of running into one another? Big place after all. Although, what if she does?

Was this a bad idea?

It sounds like you sexted her.

Nothing like that happened. We just talked.

I wouldn't worry about it. Sure could be a little awkward if you bump into her but its also kind of unlikely if its a big university, unless you keep talking to her and you and her plan to meet somewhere.

That said anyone at that university using the site is aware they may see profiles or get matches with people who also go there, so it shouldn't be a big deal.

Have you made a date with each other?

Yeah....riiight, just "talked".

If so, why are you so that embarrassed?

Remember, she may be equally embarrassed as well, so both embarrassment vibes should negate each other.

If you both want to see each other, why would it be awkward?

You're right. I was overthinking this.



At this point, no.





I have a tendency towards overthinking and getting embarrassed easily sometimes.

My worries when writing the OP went along the lines of "Oh no, how would that go? What would I even say in that situation? Do you address the fact you recognised them, or would it be better to just pass each other, perhaps mentioning it at a planned meeting? I mean, would we know each other well enough to say hello or is that weird since it would be unplanned?"

Now that I've thought about it, there are a few flaws with my original worries. First of all, it's unlikely that we'll unintentionally cross paths. She's not in any of my lessons, and works in a different department. If we did, it wouldn't be the end of the world. Yes, it might be a bit awkward since it's unexpected and there's no real guide on how to address that situation. However, I'm sure it's happened to other people before. Probably not all that out of the ordinary these days. It could be much worse, at least there was nothing sensitive in those messages. Trust me, if there was, I think I'd go into hiding for a while.

Might I make a fool of myself? Perhaps. The situation is unlikely anyway. I was making a mountain out of a mole hill.

Also, from my rusty memories of what a university campus can be like, you could rush straight past each other in a corridor and not even recognize one another, or not until at least five minutes after...

From comments made to me by exasperated friends and concerned mental health professionals (and also some exasperated mental health professionals...), I gather "overthinking" can be very much an A.S.D. kind of trait, so you could add that to the list of traits that don't necessarily qualify you for an official diagnosis but would be consistent with a diagnosis.

In an unexpected turn of events, it turns out that we already sort of know each other. We were (and still technically are) a part of a large group chat on social media. Last year we even had a conversation which we both completely forgot about. Now we've suddenly realised.

How did this even happen?

Well I am a world-class misreader of situations but, being optimistic (against my nature but I do try to practise it...), it sounds as though this revelation could help to defuse a bit of the awkwardness.

None of my business but if the App has "matched" you and you are in fact acquainted, maybe this could even lead to something?

Or at the very least you may have accidentally made yourself a new friend.

I wouldn't want to date a total stranger anyway, but that's probably just me: I have a feeling words like "demisexual" and "demiromantic" might apply in my case.

It must be quite fun to work in computers and develop these sorts of Apps...

@Raphael F

It's actually somewhat amusing. For a while I've been joking about needing to make friends with the acting department (because I'm awfully stiff on camera and prefer to work behind the scenes on my projects). Turns out that she plays roles in local theatrical plays sometimes. Not that I'll be asking for her actress know how anytime soon. I wanted to make more friends who know how to act, but this isn't what I had in mind. Maybe one day she could give me advice on how to be more believable in my improv comedy group. Acting isn't her area of study though.

Personally, I think that an accidental friendship, or maybe more, would be nice.

Fun fact, I actually study app development alongside other topics. So I'm inclined to agree with that statement. However, the coding can be difficult sometimes. I love the initial design process though.

Was hoping you might be able to take such a view.


That was kind of my gut reaction to the new developments you've been describing. Go, Lost Dragon!


Oh. So computers are actually a bit like real life, then?

We've switched to talking on social media rather than the dating app, since we both had each other added.

Our last conversation went on for a couple of hours, I rewrote some of my lesson notes during this time because I'm trying to learn the theory side of my subject. At least a part of my brain must remember this information, it's started to influence what I dream about at night.

When I make notes, my usual process is to write shorthand in a notebook in lectures and/or when watching a video. I write them out in a computer document in full later on in the day. Sometimes if I really want a point to stick, I'll take those long hand notes and write them out again in a notebook. Using repetition to create a connection.

It's quite fitting in a conversation about the difficulty level of coding that a code mishap of sorts occurred (your username showing up where you quoted me instead of mine in the quote tag). As for your point, I think that the human brain works in a manner that is not too dissimilar from a computer. With different models (so to speak) running particular processes at varying speeds and levels of accuracy. Especially when you consider that before the popularisation of mainstream household computers certain people used to work as human computers in the workforce. I find that fascinating and quite amazing.

I personally would not know the difference between "social media" and an "app" and the launch code for an intercontinental ballistic missile, but I take it this represents a step forward; so, go Lost Dragon, and go Lost Dragon's new social media friend also!

Strongly agree!

I am also intrigued by what you go on to say. Until very recently, it was chiefly humans who were designing computers, so perhaps it isn't too surprising there are discernible similarities between the human brain and the present-day computer. Once computers begin to design themselves, I wonder how far that similarity will continue to obtain... But I am old enough now to be frightened of progress.

I believe in many cases it was women who were employed as "human computers" in the workforce. It is a massive generalization, but I think the underlying assumption was that women were more reliable and more logical (if also, alas, more used to drudgery, and of course cheaper by the hour). I chose to teach in girls' schools partly because girls made more sense to me (I'm told I'm very feminine) and partly because a teenaged girl is typically more intelligent than a teenaged boy.

For those of us on the Autism Spectrum, repetition can be not merely useful but positively therapeutic. Sorry, it's late and I'm not responding to your points in chronological order.

I'm not good at conversation, but I have a feeling if you can have a conversation that lasts two hours, unless you just happen to both be masochists who actually hate one another, this could be a tolerably positive sign?

Anyway it's past my bedtime, but it's really good to hear back from you. All good wishes.

Someone whom I matched with before her has started messaging me again on the app.

This was a surprise since I somewhat assumed that they had lost interest. However, I know that University can be busy so I also considered that as a possibility.

I know less about this person than I do with her. They live further away, but still within travelling distance. Also, they are in their third year of University (a different one to the one I go to). Whereas my social media friend (as Raphael F puts it) and I are both in our second year. I feel slightly bad about talking to this third year student, despite not having much reason to.

Currently, I'm not entirely sure how to approach this situation. I'd like to meet this social media friend in person, perhaps we should hang out first before attempting a date. Or maybe not. I don't know. Now, if things go well, then in that case I'd let the other down gently.