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The Grand Inquisitor
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09 Oct 2019, 6:22 pm



kraftiekortie
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09 Oct 2019, 7:17 pm

I don’t really agree.

I have known some rather “ugly” people who are on the “right size of the fence.”



The_Face_of_Boo
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10 Oct 2019, 4:49 am

I know the fireball spell, does that help?



The Grand Inquisitor
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10 Oct 2019, 5:45 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
I know the fireball spell, does that help?

It helps you be hot.



rdos
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10 Oct 2019, 6:34 am

The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
I know the fireball spell, does that help?

It helps you be hot.


I don't think being hot is an advantage for somebody neurodiverse. It only attracts more incompatible people and often makes the compatible ones just ignore you because they perceive you as "out of my league". I suspect it works the same way for both genders.



The Grand Inquisitor
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10 Oct 2019, 6:49 am

rdos wrote:
The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
I know the fireball spell, does that help?

It helps you be hot.


I don't think being hot is an advantage for somebody neurodiverse. It only attracts more incompatible people and often makes the compatible ones just ignore you because they perceive you as "out of my league". I suspect it works the same way for both genders.

For one, it was just a joke, playing off his fireball comment.

Second, while being hot might attract more incompatible people, it also tends to attract more compatible people too. It just generally increases your pool of potential partners.

As for people assuming they're "out of your league" that's a pretty easy assumption to shatter by showing them interest, and people who are of a similar physical attractiveness level as you won't assume you're out of their league. All-in-all, being hot is better than being ugly when it comes to finding a partner, no matter who you are or whether you're neurodiverse or neurotypical.



The Grand Inquisitor
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10 Oct 2019, 6:56 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
I don’t really agree.

I have known some rather “ugly” people who are on the “right size of the fence.”

Do you agree with the concept that if you find someone physically unattractive or repulsive, nothing else can make up for it and make you interested in them romantically? I'm not saying just that you don't find them attractive, or that they're someone you just never considered as a potential romantic partner. I'm saying you actively find them to be ugly or unattractive.



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10 Oct 2019, 7:56 am

Based on that video unless you plan on having babies this 'looks being a gatekeeper' thing is not relevent. Can you choose to override biological urges, can a persons mind take back the power from the body's primitive responses.
I believe so, our brains are capable of rewiring or making new/different associations.
This video was based on extremes and doesnt have general application. I see regular looking people together as a couple and people I'm sure you would find repulsive together too.

I beginning to think some of you chaps are brainwashed about beauty as an ideal. Beauty fades you know... what then? What holds you with the person if they loose their looks, when attraction to them was based on looks alone?
For folks on the spectrum you need someone with depth of character that to me is the no1 hook/attraction. Then again I've learned that the hard way, what would I know...

Perhaps another person with a disability, someone that has lived more than most, had experiences that forced them to step outside of the 'looks delusion'.

For what it's worth I see such potential in you TGI, I wouldn't bother replying if i didn't see that potential. I believe you have that depth of character, to be a good partner for a very specific person, not women in general, the reactive depression makes it harder to stay motivated, I know.

Be well



kraftiekortie
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10 Oct 2019, 8:17 am

Many times, “beauty” and “handsomeness” remain with the person for life.

I look much better at 58 than I did at 28.



Archmage Arcane
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10 Oct 2019, 7:35 pm

I don't agree.

BTW, is that the regular fireball or the delayed blast fireball?



MaxE
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10 Oct 2019, 10:17 pm

I absolutely believe that people should take a more realistic view of how looks affect one's success at dating. Unfortunately, there are some people who are so unattractive that they would have trouble agreeing to be intimate with another person who is equally unattractive. It's highly unfair. I have noticed though that in the US at least, there seem to be people who are able to get past this. Go to an SF convention in the US and look at some of the couples if you aren't convinced.

I think there is some confusion due to people saying that they know ugly people who get laid, however some people who are theoretically ugly are actually attractive to many other people. Some women can have unattractive features such as a big nose plus acne but guys may still desire them for sex, at least when they are still young, whereas others have what are typically considered pretty faces but don't arouse anyone's carnal interest. OK well one good example might be Leah Dunham, at least a few years ago. Most people would describe her as "unattractive" yet she has had no trouble getting guys into bed (either on screen or off). I once dated a young woman about 6 years younger than I who was a lot like that. If she felt attracted to a guy, she was very open about it, and guys were more than willing to oblige her. I don't know where she got her confidence from, but she definitely understood what guys are looking for much better than most women seem to (BTW I would NOT describe her as "promiscuous" per se, it's more complicated than that).

If women in particular were more honest with themselves, they would accept that they aren't attractive and be willing to do some things (see Leah Dunham, above) that a more attractive woman needn't do in order to get male attention. Ironically, more attractive women may be easier to seduce (sorry I can't think of a better term) because they are less concerned about whether the person they've decided to hook up with will commit to them, whereas unattractive women are afraid to be "used" and need a lot of reassurance from a suitor that he is "serious", which only limits their choices further.

Looking back on my own experiences when I was single, it's clear to me that some of my "successes" were simply due to the fact that some women found me attractive. Because I had been unpopular as a teenager, I never came to think of myself that way, but I realize now that I was attractive enough to sometimes benefit from the occasional young woman's willingness to "initiate" (I never really got good at "initiating" until I was at least 30).

Bottom line is that people should take a realistic view of their chances, based on their looks, just as the people at the SF conventions I mentioned above seem to have been willing to do.


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10 Oct 2019, 10:22 pm

Then may I ask. Why have a hipster beard and twirly moustache? That really narrows down the dating pool.


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Sabreclaw
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10 Oct 2019, 11:43 pm

hurtloam wrote:
Then may I ask. Why have a hipster beard and twirly moustache? That really narrows down the dating pool.


Questioning the hipster look is opening up a whole can of worms. :skull:



rdos
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11 Oct 2019, 1:47 am

I think for many people attractivity is not a linear scale, rather people have minimum levels of attractivity. So, for the small amount of both guys and girls that are "ugly", it certainly can be a problem. However, for somebody that lies above this level for many people, there is no meaning in getting more "hot" as this only attracts more NTs and also people that are less serious and only want a sexual experience they can brag about.

Many people also include things like social competence, personality and other things in being attractive, and so expect somebody that is physically attractive to also be socially competent (in the NT sense), and when this is not the case, they will dump them. This can lead to lots of failures, and meeting the wrong people.



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11 Oct 2019, 2:31 am

rdos wrote:
I think for many people attractivity is not a linear scale, rather people have minimum levels of attractivity. So, for the small amount of both guys and girls that are "ugly", it certainly can be a problem. However, for somebody that lies above this level for many people, there is no meaning in getting more "hot" as this only attracts more NTs and also people that are less serious and only want a sexual experience they can brag about.

Many people also include things like social competence, personality and other things in being attractive, and so expect somebody that is physically attractive to also be socially competent (in the NT sense), and when this is not the case, they will dump them. This can lead to lots of failures, and meeting the wrong people.



Hmm. I actually agree with this.

Being mediocre, not super attractive, not ugly, is probably the best place to fall.


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