Why do people shame someone who is a virgin ?

Page 1 of 2 [ 24 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2  Next

chris1989
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

Joined: 2 Aug 2018
Gender: Male
Posts: 137
Location: Kent, UK

10 Oct 2019, 6:30 am

Hearing about real people in their 40s who still haven't had sex makes me feel quite less confident and worry that I don't want to be like them at that age. I seem to think its a comparison thing again as though if you DO have sex with someone you have achieved a goal in life like having a party taking lots of selfies to make it look like you are having a great life, like I mentioned in a previous thread. Why make documentaries on people like that ?, it just makes other people feel bad and less confident with themselves. I also worry about the scare catching a sexually transmitted disease from someone after sex and think how come everyone else has had sex and not caught anything ?



Rainbow_Belle
Blue Jay
Blue Jay

Joined: 16 Jan 2019
Gender: Female
Posts: 90
Location: Sydney

10 Oct 2019, 6:36 am

The people who shame others have the real problem. They are insecure, bullying, cowards.
It is ironic that it is fat ugly obese neck beard guys that claim they are smooth ladies men that do most of the bullying online. Those fat ugly neck beards guys are insecure, losers and never prove their claims of being successful. I bet they shame others because they are in the same position.



kraftiekortie
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 Feb 2014
Gender: Male
Posts: 62,439
Location: Queens, NYC

10 Oct 2019, 6:41 am

I had sex hundreds of times...yet never “caught” anything.

I’ve been lucky.

In my view, I’d rather stay a virgin than make love with somebody I didn’t care for.

Staying a virgin until you meet the “right” person frequently is a practical choice; that’s what I think.

To “shame” someone for being smart is dumb.



The Grand Inquisitor
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 9 Aug 2015
Age: 23
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,834
Location: Australia

10 Oct 2019, 7:16 am

Because being a virgin when you wish you weren't is seen as shameful. Not being able to achieve that which you desire, where it's pretty much universally achieved by others, is often looked down upon and makes people view you as a less-than-capable person. It's the same reason somebody might make fun of you or think less of you if you can't tie your own shoelaces despite being 20 or 30 years old. They view you as developmentally retarded (as in slow).



Fnord
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 May 2008
Gender: Male
Posts: 39,600
Location: Stendec

10 Oct 2019, 8:12 am

chris1989 wrote:
Why do people shame someone who is a virgin?
"Virtue Signalling" -- it implies that they are not as unattractive / unlucky / unhappy as the virgin they are dissing. By pointing out that you are a virgin, they imply they are better off than you for being sexually active.
chris1989 wrote:
... how come everyone else has had sex and not caught anything?
I don't know about everyone else, but I choose my partners carefully. No junkies, no tattoos, no drunks, no prostitutes, et cetera. This never guaranteed a healthy partner, but I have never had to deal with any sexually-transmitted disease, either!


_________________
You don't have to be popular to be a good person, but...
You almost always have to be a good person to be popular!


timf
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

User avatar

Joined: 25 Oct 2013
Gender: Male
Posts: 370

10 Oct 2019, 9:28 am

There are four choices regarding intimate relationships

1. Have none.
2. Have one that lasts a lifetime.
3. Have several (but be selective)
4. Have several indiscriminately.

The difference between number 3 and 4 is similar as to why Epicureans could expect to live longer than Hedonists.

Number 2 seems out of reach (given a 50% divorce rate). In a consumer society one often takes in a view of life that is oriented towards taking what pleasures one can find. This self orientation is destructive to relationships and eventually bursts the bubble of romantic and sexual entanglements. This ends up creating a series of sequential relationship pursuits with none ultimately able to fill the insatiable hunger of selfishness.

Many people end up in situation number one because they are unable to find anyone with whom they would have a shot at making number 2 work. It is risky to trust someone with your life and have them dump you so that you end up in number 3 or 4.

The key to making number 2 work is the selflessness of love. Most people think that love is the combination of the emotional sensations of affection, romance, desire, expectation, and even lust. While these sensations are powerful, it can be harmful to confuse them with the actual selflessness that leads a person to think first of the good of another.

For number 2 to work, both people in the relationship have to be willing to subordinate their own interests for that of the other. This usually only occurs when their are adverse circumstances such as survival, or when both people follow a particular faith in which this subordination is expected.

Buddhism identifies the destructive elements of desire. However, their remedy is to attempt to eliminate it. Christianity offers the means to transform selfishness, but so few find this that it seems only metaphorical. Islam, like some of the more legalistic forms of Christianity, seems to offer a life that is free from the more destructive forms of selfishness. However, like Stoicism, the grim determination to be virtuous often fails in the face of human nature.

Peter describes that those who are called to follow God will seem odd to those who follow the course of the world.

For the time past of our life may suffice us to have wrought the will of the Gentiles, when we walked in lasciviousness, lusts, excess of wine, revellings, banquetings, and abominable idolatries: Wherein they think it strange that ye run not with them to the same excess of riot, speaking evil of you: - 1 Peter 4:3-4

It seems ironic that in a culture that declares so much advocacy for “tolerance” so little is tolerated. It is in the nature of people to resent those who are different.

But whereunto shall I liken this generation? It is like unto children sitting in the markets, and calling unto their fellows, And saying, We have piped unto you, and ye have not danced; we have mourned unto you, and ye have not lamented. - Matthew 11:16-17

I know many people reflexively hate any mention of the bible. However, it seems a good resource since it so often encapsulates and describes that which is deficient in all of us.

Many people can accommodate relationships that need to be exchanged periodically. Others settle into a relationship that while not satisfying at least provides some continuity (like in the song, “Dangling Conversation”).

Aspergers people tend to have a stronger internal thought process and as a result may find it more difficult to form relationships of any kind. This is made more difficult if the general trend of society is towards greater thoughtlessness.

One generally needs to weigh the value of the comments of others. People can say things that are wrong, thoughtless, cruel, and hurtful. It is when we give credence to what is said that we risk letting such foolishness hurt us.

.



kraftiekortie
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 Feb 2014
Gender: Male
Posts: 62,439
Location: Queens, NYC

10 Oct 2019, 9:37 am

Sex is not the same thing as tying one's shoelaces.



Lely
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

Joined: 31 Jul 2019
Age: 26
Gender: Female
Posts: 65
Location: Germany

10 Oct 2019, 11:13 am

chris1989 wrote:
Hearing about real people in their 40s who still haven't had sex makes me feel quite less confident and worry that I don't want to be like them at that age. I seem to think its a comparison thing again as though if you DO have sex with someone you have achieved a goal in life like having a party taking lots of selfies to make it look like you are having a great life, like I mentioned in a previous thread. Why make documentaries on people like that ?, it just makes other people feel bad and less confident with themselves. I also worry about the scare catching a sexually transmitted disease from someone after sex and think how come everyone else has had sex and not caught anything ?

A documentary that shames virgins? Why do virgins voluntarily participate in the making of the documentary then?



Fnord
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 May 2008
Gender: Male
Posts: 39,600
Location: Stendec

10 Oct 2019, 11:15 am

Lely wrote:
A documentary that shames virgins? Why do virgins voluntarily participate in the making of the documentary then?
The promise of getting laid, perhaps ... ?


_________________
You don't have to be popular to be a good person, but...
You almost always have to be a good person to be popular!


Lely
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

Joined: 31 Jul 2019
Age: 26
Gender: Female
Posts: 65
Location: Germany

10 Oct 2019, 11:37 am

Fnord wrote:
Lely wrote:
A documentary that shames virgins? Why do virgins voluntarily participate in the making of the documentary then?
The promise of getting laid, perhaps ... ?

Do they send them to prostitutes or arrange dates as part of the documentary? Or is there the hope a viewer of the documentary will fall for them?



lostonearth35
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 5 Jan 2010
Age: 45
Gender: Female
Posts: 9,187
Location: In my own little world. :)

10 Oct 2019, 1:02 pm

Maybe it's due to asexuality, but I'm still a virgin at 45. I also hate how hypersexual society is. You can'r say or do anything anymore without a genius pointing out something sexual about it and ruining the innocence and wholesomeness you felt for it.

Like for example, if I draw cartoons of anthropomorphic animals like in Disney and Warner Bros., "Eww, you're a furry who has sex with animals". :roll:



MagicMeerkat
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 11 Jun 2011
Age: 32
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,505
Location: either here or there

10 Oct 2019, 1:29 pm

Because they're angry they can't get it from me.


_________________
"So for all of you with the courage to stand up and say "I am me, screw you, World if you don't like it!" Here's to you!
-Erik Sprague


Dimples123
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

Joined: 26 Sep 2019
Gender: Male
Posts: 51

10 Oct 2019, 2:11 pm

I always wonder this myself, how does me not having sex somehow ruin their life?



Mountain Goat
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 13 May 2019
Age: 47
Gender: Male
Posts: 4,183
Location: Wales, UK.

10 Oct 2019, 2:15 pm

Jelousy?


_________________
Awaiting asessment. Neurodiverse 173/200. Neurotypical 21/200.
Empathy 11/80. AQ 39. May make sense to some. :)


GonHunter
Hummingbird
Hummingbird

Joined: 4 Oct 2019
Gender: Male
Posts: 24
Location: Brazil

10 Oct 2019, 2:33 pm

This current world sucks anyway. We barely have support and we still have to put up with comments like, "incel." There is a concept of psychology that says:The more unhappy the individual is, the more he needs approval from others. Unfortunately, we can't expect respect from anyone.