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Blue Jay
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12 Oct 2019, 5:00 pm

By this I do not mean things I did that make it clear I'm autistic but situations I may have accidentally made someone uncomfortable or upset.

For example, a classmate and I both turn up to class ridiculously early and I thought social rules dictated that I must not talk to him as that would be me being a "bother" and so answered his attempts at making conversation with one word or one line sentences and did not reciprocate in any way. I was trying to think of what he wanted but in reality, I must have told him with my actions that I was not interested in talking him and or don't like him (I felt uncomfortable after finding out through a friend I made this mistake which has resulted in me refusing to make eye contact and not even look at him out of shame, tending to turn to the other side).

Learning that I do this makes me feel bad because 1, I feel more comfortable and work better when I can get on with the people in my classes so me missing this is making it near impossible and 2, I don't like the idea that I could be upsetting people, even if it is only a little bit. What if any of them are like me and obsess over these small things for days?

Stuff like this happens a lot and after talking to others, I find out many people are trying to talk to/become friends with me and I react by accidentally brutally rejecting this or react in a way that will make it seem like they have upset or annoyed me? Would listing all these incidences potentially be helpful as maybe I will pick up the patterns in each case and realise what positive signals are or do you think it will only make me feel bad? Do any of you have any similar techniques? Much of my ability to get on with others comes from me learning through things like this.



naturalplastic
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12 Oct 2019, 5:57 pm

I don't do it. But it sounds like it would work of you. Micheal Jordan used to do something like that with his couches after each game. Even if he won he go through the game to find "the one thing he could have done that would have made a difference" ( or some phrase like that).



lvpin
Blue Jay
Blue Jay

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12 Oct 2019, 8:20 pm

naturalplastic wrote:
I don't do it. But it sounds like it would work of you. Micheal Jordan used to do something like that with his couches after each game. Even if he won he go through the game to find "the one thing he could have done that would have made a difference" ( or some phrase like that).



Ooo I didn't know that and it seems to have benefited him. I love spotting patterns in things and making links afterwards. Sometimes it is very good but of course I'm not naturally picking up on things so mistakes are made.



naturalplastic
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13 Oct 2019, 10:10 am

yes. There is a limit to what you can do because you don't have a coach following you around to observe your every social interaction. But writing stuff down at the end of the day still might help.