Husband reaction to my diagnosis

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That's the point I'm trying to make. If his love for the kids would help him accept their autism, he should love you enough to accept your autism as well. The difference is that he loves them but he doesn't seem to love you. He is using autism as a scapegoat, when it's really the relationship which makes him unhappy.

I am so sorry to read that. Your husband has some significant problems. He reminds me of my ex-boyfriend --- he adulated me but held me as inferior to him. It was so confusing b/c he was supportive, up to a point. My mom gaslighted me and convinced me that everything was my fault, now I tend to gaslight myself that way. Awful stuff.

My NT husband says my self-diagnosis (assessment starts Monday) has been very helpful. He now has more patience and understands that I am not upset or arguing to make trouble, but b/c I am distressed and need help. He is also trying to do this with our Aspie-like daughter, but it's hard for him (he has avoidance and guilt issues). My husband and I consider ourselves equals --- ironically we agree that **I** am the one who has better Emotional Intelligence (intellectually, not practically). Even so, initially my husband used to gaslight me like that: "no one else would think, see..." but I was able to shut that behavior down.

Wishing you can call out your husband's BS (assertively).

Don't like the sound of this. OP reminds me a bit of me (exec functioning) and husband reminds me of ex-wife (using diagnosis to tell me what's wrong with me instead of understanding the diagnosis itself and accommodating). I hope I'm wrong.

Dear husband, women are our shipwrecked companions and not our guide goddesses. No one marries to be happy, but to join the Beloved. He needs to understand this. Now that he has found a loophole, he will deduct his faults from you, and this may get worse.

Sounds like he's been looking at anti-Aspie hate sites. For a critique of these sites, see:

What’s in a Word: Asperger’s and Hate Groups, or the Cassandras
By Terra Vance, M.S.
Last updated: 26 Jan 2019
https://blogs.psychcentral.com/aspie/2019/01/239/

There are other, more productive online resources for NT spouses/partners of Aspies. See, for example, the sites I linked to in this post.

Wow, Mona. Thank you for linking that blog by Terra Vance, M.S. There are simply no other words to describe such groups as the "Cassandras" as full on hate groups. It's too bad libel and slander suits can't be brought up against those who spread hate about groups rather than individuals. Wow.