First part of assessment today, contemplating results...

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SharonB
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21 Oct 2019, 1:21 pm

(…"potential results..." wouldn't fit.)

Anybody else in this stage of the process, or remember this stage of the process and want to relate, or have sympathy/empathy/compassion/thoughts in any case?

I know, "patience is a virtue" and I'll have the results of this assessment in a month (after second part, interviews and written report). So in the meantime...
* If it's not ASD, I would send a last email to my ASD support group "my bad", and could continue here as ND. Where does BAP post?
* If it is ASD, then, then... I would continue in my ASD support group and continue here identifying as ASD

Rhetorical questions: In either case, will I believe the results? "Nothing in Life is certain." When and how would I disclose whatever is it, or isn't?

Whatever the diagnosis, I want to start asserting myself in a healthier way, I want to ask for help (which means knowing when I need it), I want to be more powerful and contribute positively in the world.

I'm so nervous. I want to belong and belonging to a group that "doesn't belong" seems better than not belonging at all.

(P.S. Maybe I'm excited... both)



SharonB
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22 Oct 2019, 6:53 pm

Fine, I'll reply to my own post. Or I could use my other profile to reply (teasing). Actually that could be fun (to have a secondary profile). An alter ego - one that's confident, dry and secure. Is there evidence that ASDs do that more often (split personality)? I act when I need to --- I've got awards for my acting ability, ya know. Perhaps many of us should get lifetime achievement awards for our fine performances (aka masking).

My Part 2 appt isn't for two weeks. I have two more weeks to ruminate on what I will say and then it will be two weeks to ruminate on what the report will say. That's four weeks of potential ruminating - when I need to be doing other things. Are ASDs impatient in general or just a minority portion? Well, at least I'll have an ASD support group meeting in the interim, for what it's worth to this ASD/ND person (me).

My NT husband was going to do dinner but is running late and didn't give me a heads up and I am out of spoons, so everyone is on their own, which means my NT son ate (hunger is a priority for him) and I need to get off my rear to ensure my Aspie-like daughter and I don't starve (what we're doing is a priority). My cat is drinking my herbal infusion. You should have seen the letters I wrote in college... stream of conscience. Perhaps all to avoid... avoid...



plokijuh
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22 Oct 2019, 8:35 pm

Hey I'm really tired so don't have much energy to reply in detail, but I just wanted to say I get it. The month between my first assessment appt through the next 2 appointments were torture!

But I think you should ask your group how they feel about BAP staying in, because chances are they'll still love you to stay. I hope they do :) you certainly should still feel welcome here, the are many who identify as BAP here :)


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SharonB
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23 Oct 2019, 5:44 am

plokijuh wrote:
But I think you should ask your group how they feel about BAP staying in, because chances are they'll still love you to stay. I hope they do :) you certainly should still feel welcome here, the are many who identify as BAP here :)

Good thought. Look at me, "running for the hills" already and nobody is chasing me. Thank you for a tone-of-gray (not B&W) idea. :D



domineekee
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23 Oct 2019, 6:04 am

My moto at the time was, "whatever will be will be".



Amity
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23 Oct 2019, 6:13 am

Hi Sharon
I've been distracted and perhaps others have too by recent events here.
Just seeing your post now, I'm not familiar with the American diagnostic process, but empathise with you, having to wait for weeks would be very difficult.

Is there anything you can distract yourself with, hobbies?

From what I recall you have a child on the spectrum and if nothing else can identify with being on the BAP, I imagine that a group that included you without a diagnosis will continue to include you :)

This site is not just for those with a diagnosis and regardless of the outcome of the assessment you have been a 'tank filler' for others here, which is much needed in my opinion. I am sorry that the timing of you needing support has coincided with general turmoil here.



kraftiekortie
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23 Oct 2019, 6:21 am

I was “lucky” I was diagnosed as a very young child.

I would just continue to pursue my interests. And I would seek to believe that, diagnosis or no diagnosis, that you are the same person, regardless.

And, of course, we don’t have to “prove” your diagnosis to the administrators of WrongPlanet. So you are an indispensable member here, regardless of diagnosis or lack thereof.



Last edited by kraftiekortie on 23 Oct 2019, 8:50 am, edited 1 time in total.

GoldenMom
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23 Oct 2019, 6:41 am

I so totally relate to you!! ! I am going through the exact same thing right now. I was literally just having this conversation with my husband! The wait time is torture. Pure agony. Like, I don’t need a label to tell me what my ASD characteristics are - they are what they are. I’m basically waiting for the Psychologist to see my behaviors are enough to fill a human created threshold that they consider to be the beginning of the spectrum. Now, this is easier said than done. For me, it would be easier to elicit help and identify myself if I have an official diagnosis. Would this be part of a touch of OCD I may also have? Perhaps. But it would help me deal with the longing I have to belong somewhere.

My doctor said I “display many significant autistic behaviors”, but that he “needs to figure out if those impact my life enough to be called autism” or if it’s just a case of me “being quirky”.

Regardless of the label, I will need to take care of myself and prevent any future deterioration of my mental health. I read that mental health issues are a big risk for people on the spectrum. So if I display those many ASD behaviors as the doctor said, I need to change some things in my life to make sure I don’t cross that line and stay mentally healthy - oficial or no oficial diagnosis. My report comes out on the 28th. My appointments usually are a week to a week and a half in between. This will be my 4th appointment. So the wait has been a killer. But I appreciate him being so thorough.

I get you, please don’t feel alone! I’m here if you need to talk! :heart: :heart: :heart:


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SharonB
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23 Oct 2019, 10:03 am

domineekee wrote:
My moto at the time was, "whatever will be will be".

I have used a similar thought "time will tell..." that I find soothing - thanks for the reminder

Amity wrote:
I've been distracted and perhaps others have too by recent events here. … Is there anything you can distract yourself with, hobbies? … From what I recall you have a child on the spectrum and if nothing else can identify with being on the BAP … you have been a 'tank filler' for others here, which is much needed in my opinion. I am sorry that the timing of you needing support has coincided with general turmoil here.

TY for the heads up, I had not realized the impact. … Ironically this was a nice distraction from a larger issue, so now I face that larger issue or find a different distraction for that and now this also. :wink: … Yes, my daughter. She's "stable" (more or less) for now. TY for the kind words, I'm trying to figure out how to better fill my own tank. I'm often embarrassed at how "needy" I am. I think that perspective is part of what I want to change, and think the DX would facilitate that. But of course it's doable without DX also.

kraftiekortie wrote:
I was “lucky” I was diagnosed as a very young child. … So you are an indispensable member here, regardless of diagnosis or lack thereof.

I know you say "lucky" with irony. (The quotes are very helpful that way.) Reminds me that one of the assessment questions was something like: are you as lucky as anyone else, and I chuckled b/c I knew the "right" answer, but was compelled to answer differently. TY for the kind words; I strive to hold the truth in it.



SharonB
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23 Oct 2019, 10:12 am

GoldenMom wrote:
Would this be part of a touch of OCD I may also have? Perhaps. But it would help me deal with the longing I have to belong somewhere. … My doctor said I “display many significant autistic behaviors”, but that he “needs to figure out if those impact my life enough to be called autism” or if it’s just a case of me “being quirky”. ...
Regardless of the label, I will need to take care of myself and prevent any future deterioration of my mental health. … My report comes out on the 28th. … But I appreciate him being so thorough

I get you, please don’t feel alone! I’m here if you need to talk! :heart: :heart: :heart:

I see now that I am low to moderate (or severe?) for SPD, general/social anxiety, ADHD maybe even OCD. Two months ago I would have said I'm jumpy and overreact, but now I see... wow, just wow. Is it b/c I don't WANT to (as my dad says) or lack the skills (as my BFF wonders about herself), or it's biological (ASD), etc. As usual, the answer is "YES" more or less for all of them. Similarly, I could have gotten an earlier Part 2 appt but the dr would have had to "squeeze" it in and I preferred to wait for a quality appt. 5 more days for you!

I will PM you. (Usually I would appreciate the offer -truly- but not do so; I'll try something different :D .)



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23 Oct 2019, 11:24 am

Hi SharonB. Sorry I have missed this post until now. It is exciting and interesting. Was the first part easy of difficult? Do you live in the UK? USA? Somewhere else?
BAP? Is it some sort of bread roll used with salads? What had a bread roll got to do with being assessed? Nay mean something different....

When will the next part be?

Did you find yourself being able to see through any questions, or was it all a mystery where you just answer?


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teksla
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23 Oct 2019, 12:13 pm

I was formally diagnosed in my late tweens/early teens. I am now being re-evaluated, so i can relate.

I would actually feel really weird if the assessment said i wasnt autistic. Then I dont know whats wrong with me (joke), but in all seriousness, then I would be at a loss of what is making me so socially inept, stuck on interests and routines as well as my senses being so sensitive.

I am getting the final results on Friday (in two days) and am anxious/nervous.


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23 Oct 2019, 12:15 pm

I hope all goes well.


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SharonB
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23 Oct 2019, 12:45 pm

Mountain Goat wrote:
Hi SharonB. Was the first part easy of difficult? Do you live...? BAP? Is it some sort of bread roll used with salads? When will the next part be? Did you find yourself being able to see through any questions, or was it all a mystery where you just answer?


Hi Mountain Goat. I live in the USA so (Pro) it was easy to get scheduled for assessment, (Con) at my own personal cost. I could TRY to have insurance cover it (I'm told they say they will but won't, but I can be persistent), but my NT husband suggests we keep the results private for now. We hope to foster a child in the future and already have the experience of bureaucratic difficulties related to my "mental" health.

The testing so far was easy ---- I asked the dr if I could be "me" and the dr agreed - so I was HAPPY (even if I am not so "good" at it yet). Initial tests were academic and questionnaires. Most were visual, some were verbal. I did well at visual and was bad at verbal (and I thought of @firemonkey in reverse). I may have rushed "too much" but the assessment is about who I am and how I behave, so even that is *ALL GOOD*. We talked a little and will talk more during Part 2 (of 2) in two weeks. I like to talk.

You are too funny (salad). Broader Autism Phenotype (below ASD threshold).

I could see through many questions (having taken so many online tests), but answered as I was compelled. It was infuriating and amusing to answer slightly, mostly etc. for questions with often, sometimes, rarely --- it seems silly to qualify a qualifier: Yes, I mostly rarely do that. 8O

I love this kind of stuff so will be sad when it is over.



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23 Oct 2019, 12:52 pm

Can't make my mind think what below ASD means.

ASD = Autism Spectrum Dissorder. (Why dissorder? One can have OCD as well and bring come order to it? Or CDO and arrange OCD in alphabetical order?)

Below ASD.... Uhmmm. Autistic feet? Sorry. Is not going in my brain yet... :D


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