How can we make social interaction less stressful / tiring?

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Jakki
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04 Nov 2019, 9:30 pm

Mona Pereth wrote:
JustFoundHere wrote:
From my own personal experiences, the notion of friendships can be discouraging; and from viewing discussion threads here in the 'Social Skills & Making Friends' Forum, such discouragement is common; yet I largely refrain from expressing too much discouragement here on WP.

Instead, I choose to be as proactive a possible.

Good for you.

JustFoundHere wrote:
For example, being too discouraged too easily becomes like a self fulfilling (or self-defeatist) prophecy (like becoming caught in an "affective quicksand" of sorts).

Indeed, I suspect that a lot of us may be caught up in such a vicious cycle.

JustFoundHere wrote:
Favorable step-by-step approaches are the reassessment of a person's strengths; in order to address weaknesses - such as social interaction (gradually progressing beyond small talk).

Or, perhaps, skipping over small talk altogether? For example, if people meet in a topic-focused online forum, then they've met in the context of discussing, already, a topic of common interest. No need to preface that with small talk.

JustFoundHere wrote:
One such approach (SEE LINK) involves people/resources understanding of the challenges HFAs face in grappling with the notions of friendships.

My concern here stems from too little interest on WP of specific, concrete (proactive) examples.
By shunning proactive approaches, we're acting against our own best-interests, and in effect choosing to remain in that vicious self-defeatist prophecy cycle - this is very disappointing, and it doesn't need to be this way!

Agreed. We need more of us here on WP to be willing to engage in productive brainstorming on, for example, the best ways to make friends with other autistic people.

What ...? Wait , a friend .. heretic ... ! Autistic peeps friends ? Dont you read how black some of these people are ..... jest implied here .
When you have too many negative neurons firing sequentially .. seeing the forest from the trees is virtual impossible ..( if your a tree) .
And yes , slightly bent humour is how , i deal with this stuff .. Usually pointing out ironeys , as well as Dark humour .. In the end must agree with all that has been written in this above post .
It would appear that according to some peeps doing brain mapping .. that the left prefrontal cortex. Is the area of the brain in which blood flow is very poor , in resistive depression cases of people ..was treatable.
(So some of this may have a organic origin ) .. oddly enough inspite of my own dark humour .. some days or even hours are hard pressed to look about and
Force yourself to see .. some light in the dark ." But " have proof tested on myself literally . When available .. direct efforts to improve blood flow in that area . Diet , few meds , no psychoactive stuff or caffiene during my process, that was trying and.. using rTMS ( repetitive Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation.)
Using the excuse of treating migraines .. which had gone away after much tribulation with antibiotics before was toying with rTMS . Autism is ! .. but depression and migraines , are not necessarily a neural affective disorder .
Am a butthead for completely disagreeing with a huge part of the medical community about treatment modalities . Putting all their schooling into the dumpster . But have first hand experience for myself. On this topic. And seen same effects in others . rTMS is not a means to a end . In depression.
But it is a real start . Theory behind SSRI type meds , am thinking that is backwards. Selective Seratonin Uptake Inhibitors . Throtteling amount of seratonin available ? Why not just add seratonin , in a form body will use , and eliminate .. any over amounts in the brain..think turkey dinners( ie. Tyrptophan)
Any body die or seratonin posioning from too much turkey . Tyrptophan is a normal amino acid found in foods .. powdered forms are available. No money in treating things that way. Yes have done and tested that idea .. with some success ..too much makes you sleepy , like after a big turkey dinner .

SSRI s are a entire school of thought . Careers built on their use ..
Am only sharing my experiences here tried and tested on me.. and always have some very bleak days .. but been able to pull out of them easier .
Am going on on & on .. sorry here . { IDEA of other Aspie friends sounds lovely.}
Btw Mona , after a certain age , if you see things are not particularily conducive. To making friends , what does it matter .How you express yourself to the bulk of NTs .especially as you age . You life is set. If no friends , what can they say to you . Your bad, your mean..why care , if there is no friendship happening. Am carefree with black humour . It seems to cross the barrier .
Am obviously not second guessing my words . Just sharing . If you can draw conclusions , on what , may be hurtful to yourself . And just blab on . You can always apologise . But if no opportunity for friendship .. Now i just be myself.
Obviously not well,like by police or politicians , but old adage , speak truth to
Power applys. Many people can relate to sad or dark situations aswell .
Oh and btw .. do see the occassional flower or plant trying to grow out between rocks or even out from under . And beautiful clouds in the sky around sunset time . Fyi am not always seeing glass as half empty . :)


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Mona Pereth
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05 Nov 2019, 12:07 am

Jakki wrote:
What ...? Wait , a friend .. heretic ... ! Autistic peeps friends ?
[...]
{ IDEA of other Aspie friends sounds lovely.}
Btw Mona , after a certain age , if you see things are not particularily conducive. To making friends , what does it matter .How you express yourself to the bulk of NTs .especially as you age . You life is set. If no friends , what can they say to you . Your bad, your mean..why care , if there is no friendship happening. Am carefree with black humour . It seems to cross the barrier .
Am obviously not second guessing my words . Just sharing . If you can draw conclusions , on what , may be hurtful to yourself . And just blab on . You can always apologise . But if no opportunity for friendship .. Now i just be myself.

How we express ourselves to the "bulk of NTs" need not be even relevant to how we make friends with other autistic people.

Here in this thread, let's brainstorm from scratch, from the ground up: What would we want a friend to be? How would we want a prospective friend to interact with us?

More generally: If you were in charge of deciding the rules of social interaction, how would they be different from what they are now in the NT world?

Perhaps, by exploring and exchanging thoughts on questions like this, we can find easier ways for us to make friends with each other.


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05 Nov 2019, 2:46 am

Mona Pereth wrote:
Here in this thread, let's brainstorm from scratch, from the ground up: What would we want a friend to be? How would we want a prospective friend to interact with us?

I can't answer for "we", I can only answer for "I".

Friends that I believe are my real friends share some attitudes:
1. They don't take it personally when I don't want to see them or talk to them. It's very important, even decisive as there is very little people like that.
2. They also don't take it personally when I don't see them in a crowd, don't answer greetings or don't remember to phone.
3. They listen carefully and try to understand and clarify misunderstandings.
4. They are straightforward with their own needs and requests for me.


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05 Nov 2019, 10:04 pm

Mona Pereth wrote:
Jakki wrote:
What ...? Wait , a friend .. heretic ... ! Autistic peeps friends ?
[...]
{ IDEA of other Aspie friends sounds lovely.}
Btw Mona , after a certain age , if you see things are not particularily conducive. To making friends , what does it matter .How you express yourself to the bulk of NTs .especially as you age . You life is set. If no friends , what can they say to you . Your bad, your mean..why care , if there is no friendship happening. Am carefree with black humour . It seems to cross the barrier .
Am obviously not second guessing my words . Just sharing . If you can draw conclusions , on what , may be hurtful to yourself . And just blab on . You can always apologise . But if no opportunity for friendship .. Now i just be myself.

How we express ourselves to the "bulk of NTs" need not be even relevant to how we make friends with other autistic people.

Here in this thread, let's brainstorm from scratch, from the ground up: What would we want a friend to be? How would we want a prospective friend to interact with us?

More generally: If you were in charge of deciding the rules of social interaction, how would they be different from what they are now in the NT world?

Perhaps, by exploring and exchanging thoughts on questions like this, we can find easier ways for us to make friends with each other.


Am finding myself in a awkward position, am reading, what you wrote . And am not sure ..please pardon a dumb question ? But are you on the spectrum somewhere .. seriously not trying to be rude.. am trying to frame , your questions on friendship . For me to have good idea , where your coming from ? Please?


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05 Nov 2019, 11:47 pm

Given current feelings just now . Must answer..... HIDE .


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07 Nov 2019, 11:40 am

Jakki wrote:
Mona Pereth wrote:
Jakki wrote:
What ...? Wait , a friend .. heretic ... ! Autistic peeps friends ?
[...]
{ IDEA of other Aspie friends sounds lovely.}
Btw Mona , after a certain age , if you see things are not particularily conducive. To making friends , what does it matter .How you express yourself to the bulk of NTs .especially as you age . You life is set. If no friends , what can they say to you . Your bad, your mean..why care , if there is no friendship happening. Am carefree with black humour . It seems to cross the barrier .
Am obviously not second guessing my words . Just sharing . If you can draw conclusions , on what , may be hurtful to yourself . And just blab on . You can always apologise . But if no opportunity for friendship .. Now i just be myself.

How we express ourselves to the "bulk of NTs" need not be even relevant to how we make friends with other autistic people.

Here in this thread, let's brainstorm from scratch, from the ground up: What would we want a friend to be? How would we want a prospective friend to interact with us?

More generally: If you were in charge of deciding the rules of social interaction, how would they be different from what they are now in the NT world?

Perhaps, by exploring and exchanging thoughts on questions like this, we can find easier ways for us to make friends with each other.


Am finding myself in a awkward position, am reading, what you wrote . And am not sure ..please pardon a dumb question ? But are you on the spectrum somewhere .. seriously not trying to be rude.. am trying to frame , your questions on friendship . For me to have good idea , where your coming from ? Please?


She's diagnosed with HFA (Asperger's). It's in her posting signature.



Jakki
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07 Nov 2019, 12:24 pm

Archmage Arcane wrote:
Jakki wrote:
Mona Pereth wrote:
Jakki wrote:
What ...? Wait , a friend .. heretic ... ! Autistic peeps friends ?
[...]
{ IDEA of other Aspie friends sounds lovely.}
Btw Mona , after a certain age , if you see things are not particularily conducive. To making friends , what does it matter .How you express yourself to the bulk of NTs .especially as you age . You life is set. If no friends , what can they say to you . Your bad, your mean..why care , if there is no friendship happening. Am carefree with black humour . It seems to cross the barrier .
Am obviously not second guessing my words . Just sharing . If you can draw conclusions , on what , may be hurtful to yourself . And just blab on . You can always apologise . But if no opportunity for friendship .. Now i just be myself.

How we express ourselves to the "bulk of NTs" need not be even relevant to how we make friends with other autistic people.

Here in this thread, let's brainstorm from scratch, from the ground up: What would we want a friend to be? How would we want a prospective friend to interact with us?

More generally: If you were in charge of deciding the rules of social interaction, how would they be different from what they are now in the NT world?

Perhaps, by exploring and exchanging thoughts on questions like this, we can find easier ways for us to make friends with each other.


Am finding myself in a awkward position, am reading, what you wrote . And am not sure ..please pardon a dumb question ? But are you on the spectrum somewhere .. seriously not trying to be rude.. am trying to frame , your questions on friendship . For me to have good idea , where your coming from ? Please?


She's diagnosed with HFA (Asperger's). It's in her posting signature.


Thank you very much .
Was trying to configure a answer . Wasn't sure but quite hoped that , those questions were answered in my original post. A lack of response seemed to typify her outlook on my posting . But think she may have been onto something in her post, albeit more directly & politely than mine .


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Jakki
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07 Nov 2019, 12:34 pm

Jakki wrote:
Archmage Arcane wrote:
Jakki wrote:
Mona Pereth wrote:
Jakki wrote:
What ...? Wait , a friend .. heretic ... ! Autistic peeps friends ?
[...]
{ IDEA of other Aspie friends sounds lovely.}
Btw Mona , after a certain age , if you see things are not particularily conducive. To making friends , what does it matter .How you express yourself to the bulk of NTs .especially as you age . You life is set. If no friends , what can they say to you . Your bad, your mean..why care , if there is no friendship happening. Am carefree with black humour . It seems to cross the barrier .
Am obviously not second guessing my words . Just sharing . If you can draw conclusions , on what , may be hurtful to yourself . And just blab on . You can always apologise . But if no opportunity for friendship .. Now i just be myself.

How we express ourselves to the "bulk of NTs" need not be even relevant to how we make friends with other autistic people.

Here in this thread, let's brainstorm from scratch, from the ground up: What would we want a friend to be? How would we want a prospective friend to interact with us?

More generally: If you were in charge of deciding the rules of social interaction, how would they be different from what they are now in the NT world?

Perhaps, by exploring and exchanging thoughts on questions like this, we can find easier ways for us to make friends with each other.


Am finding myself in a awkward position, am reading, what you wrote . And am not sure ..please pardon a dumb question ? But are you on the spectrum somewhere .. seriously not trying to be rude.. am trying to frame , your questions on friendship . For me to have good idea , where your coming from ? Please?


She's diagnosed with HFA (Asperger's). It's in her posting signature.


Thank you very much .
Was trying to configure a answer . Wasn't sure but quite hoped that , those questions were answered in my original post. A lack of response seemed to typify her outlook on my posting . But think she may have been onto something in her post, albeit more directly & politely than mine .

Perhaps attempting create a frame of reference . ( living in a almost singularily
NT world ) . A example of this , could be helpful . As my post merely allowed for my method of dealing with , what is constantly pushed at me.
But appreciate her attempts at defining a more neuro diverse way .


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Mona Pereth
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07 Nov 2019, 4:21 pm

Jakki wrote:
Am finding myself in a awkward position, am reading, what you wrote . And am not sure ..please pardon a dumb question ? But are you on the spectrum somewhere ..

Yes.

Jakki wrote:
seriously not trying to be rude.. am trying to frame , your questions on friendship . For me to have good idea , where your coming from ? Please?

Next time you want to know whether a WP member is on the spectrum, I would suggest that you first click on their profile and see if they filled in anything for "Diagnosis."

Anyhow, when you say you are "finding myself in a awkward position," what do you mean? What's making you feel awkward?

If you're wondering why I'm asking the questions I'm asking about how we can make social interaction less tiring, it's because of my belief that the autistic community needs to become a lot better organized (in-person as well as online) than it is now. Such organization will require social interaction. So we need to find ways to make social interaction less of a burden for us, e.g. via appropriate structuring of the groups that I think need to be built.


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Mona Pereth
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07 Nov 2019, 6:25 pm

Jakki wrote:
Was trying to configure a answer . Wasn't sure but quite hoped that , those questions were answered in my original post.

I'm not sure which post you're referring to as your "original post." Do you mean this post, or this post, or another post? The second of the two linked posts discusses medical treatment issues, which, though they may be technically on-topic for this thread (insofar as some medications or other treatments may make social interactions less tiring for some people), aren't what I was trying to get at with my question.

What I want to do in this thread is brainstorm ways we can (either in groups, or individually with people who care about us) structure social interactions themselves to make them be less tiring in the first place, to those of us who find social interactions tiring in various ways.

Of course, out in the NT world, we don't get to choose the structure of social interactions. Out in the NT world, the structure of social interactions is determined by what comes naturally to NT's.

However, in a group of autistic people, if the members and especially the leaders are committed to accommodating the members' needs, then social interactions within that group can be structured, at least in part, in whatever way the group decides. An example is the color communication badges that are used at some autistic people's conferences such as Autreat.

Ideally, groups could be structured not only to make social interactions less tiring, but also to make it easier for members to make friends within the group.

Jakki wrote:
A lack of response seemed to typify her outlook on my posting .

I'm sorry if I've been ignoring enough of your posts that it would seem to "typify" my "outlook" on your postings. So I guess I owe you a clarification. See my forthcoming PM.

Jakki wrote:
But think she may have been onto something in her post, albeit more directly & politely than mine .

Have I sufficiently clarified the point of my questions about possible ways to make social interaction less tiring and also to make it easier for us, as autistic people, to make friends?


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27 Feb 2020, 12:23 pm

How? By getting more sleep, if there is any chance of being in deficit. This can be tricky, because social anxiety can lead to chronic loss of sleep as we re-play conversations or otherwise react badly.
I saw a recent study that showed that missing as little as 15 minutes of sleep was statistically significant at reducing the desire for social interaction. Even more interesting was that others also avoided the tired person if possible.
My guess is that we use dreams to resolve our feelings about previous conversations, and until that process has completed, our buffer for dealing with new ones is too full. We can't react to the person in front of us if we are still reacting to one from yesterday.
If sleep is elusive, even very lousy meditation is the next best thing, and is one of the better sleep aids if done in a comfy position.



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27 Feb 2020, 10:24 pm

Mona Pereth wrote:
Jakki wrote:
Was trying to configure a answer . Wasn't sure but quite hoped that , those questions were answered in my original post.

I'm not sure which post you're referring to as your "original post." Do you mean this post, or this post, or another post? The second of the two linked posts discusses medical treatment issues, which, though they may be technically on-topic for this thread (insofar as some medications or other treatments may make social interactions less tiring for some people), aren't what I was trying to get at with my question.

What I want to do in this thread is brainstorm ways we can (either in groups, or individually with people who care about us) structure social interactions themselves to make them be less tiring in the first place, to those of us who find social interactions tiring in various ways.

Of course, out in the NT world, we don't get to choose the structure of social interactions. Out in the NT world, the structure of social interactions is determined by what comes naturally to NT's.

However, in a group of autistic people, if the members and especially the leaders are committed to accommodating the members' needs, then social interactions within that group can be structured, at least in part, in whatever way the group decides. An example is the color communication badges that are used at some autistic people's conferences such as Autreat.

Ideally, groups could be structured not only to make social interactions less tiring, but also to make it easier for members to make friends within the group.

Jakki wrote:
A lack of response seemed to typify her outlook on my posting .

I'm sorry if I've been ignoring enough of your posts that it would seem to "typify" my "outlook" on your postings. So I guess I owe you a clarification. See my forthcoming PM.

Jakki wrote:
But think she may have been onto something in her post, albeit more directly & politely than mine .

Have I sufficiently clarified the point of my questions about possible ways to make social interaction less tiring and also to make it easier for us, as autistic people, to make friends?


yes colored badges and perhaps a poster in any social gathering to remind all members what each colour stands for.? looking forward to upcoming pm or not.


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28 Feb 2020, 4:52 am

Jakki wrote:
yes colored badges and perhaps a poster in any social gathering to remind all members what each colour stands for.?

Yes, I would hope that groups that use the badges also have posters about them.

Jakki wrote:
looking forward to upcoming pm or not.

The message you replied to just now was dated November 7, and refers to a PM I sent you on or around that day.


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