How can we make social interaction less stressful / tiring?

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Mona Pereth
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05 Nov 2019, 12:07 am

Jakki wrote:
What ...? Wait , a friend .. heretic ... ! Autistic peeps friends ?
[...]
{ IDEA of other Aspie friends sounds lovely.}
Btw Mona , after a certain age , if you see things are not particularily conducive. To making friends , what does it matter .How you express yourself to the bulk of NTs .especially as you age . You life is set. If no friends , what can they say to you . Your bad, your mean..why care , if there is no friendship happening. Am carefree with black humour . It seems to cross the barrier .
Am obviously not second guessing my words . Just sharing . If you can draw conclusions , on what , may be hurtful to yourself . And just blab on . You can always apologise . But if no opportunity for friendship .. Now i just be myself.

How we express ourselves to the "bulk of NTs" need not be even relevant to how we make friends with other autistic people.

Here in this thread, let's brainstorm from scratch, from the ground up: What would we want a friend to be? How would we want a prospective friend to interact with us?

More generally: If you were in charge of deciding the rules of social interaction, how would they be different from what they are now in the NT world?

Perhaps, by exploring and exchanging thoughts on questions like this, we can find easier ways for us to make friends with each other.


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05 Nov 2019, 2:46 am

Mona Pereth wrote:
Here in this thread, let's brainstorm from scratch, from the ground up: What would we want a friend to be? How would we want a prospective friend to interact with us?

I can't answer for "we", I can only answer for "I".

Friends that I believe are my real friends share some attitudes:
1. They don't take it personally when I don't want to see them or talk to them. It's very important, even decisive as there is very little people like that.
2. They also don't take it personally when I don't see them in a crowd, don't answer greetings or don't remember to phone.
3. They listen carefully and try to understand and clarify misunderstandings.
4. They are straightforward with their own needs and requests for me.


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Jakki
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05 Nov 2019, 10:04 pm

Mona Pereth wrote:
Jakki wrote:
What ...? Wait , a friend .. heretic ... ! Autistic peeps friends ?
[...]
{ IDEA of other Aspie friends sounds lovely.}
Btw Mona , after a certain age , if you see things are not particularily conducive. To making friends , what does it matter .How you express yourself to the bulk of NTs .especially as you age . You life is set. If no friends , what can they say to you . Your bad, your mean..why care , if there is no friendship happening. Am carefree with black humour . It seems to cross the barrier .
Am obviously not second guessing my words . Just sharing . If you can draw conclusions , on what , may be hurtful to yourself . And just blab on . You can always apologise . But if no opportunity for friendship .. Now i just be myself.

How we express ourselves to the "bulk of NTs" need not be even relevant to how we make friends with other autistic people.

Here in this thread, let's brainstorm from scratch, from the ground up: What would we want a friend to be? How would we want a prospective friend to interact with us?

More generally: If you were in charge of deciding the rules of social interaction, how would they be different from what they are now in the NT world?

Perhaps, by exploring and exchanging thoughts on questions like this, we can find easier ways for us to make friends with each other.


Am finding myself in a awkward position, am reading, what you wrote . And am not sure ..please pardon a dumb question ? But are you on the spectrum somewhere .. seriously not trying to be rude.. am trying to frame , your questions on friendship . For me to have good idea , where your coming from ? Please?


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Jakki
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05 Nov 2019, 11:47 pm

Given current feelings just now . Must answer..... HIDE .


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Archmage Arcane
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07 Nov 2019, 11:40 am

Jakki wrote:
Mona Pereth wrote:
Jakki wrote:
What ...? Wait , a friend .. heretic ... ! Autistic peeps friends ?
[...]
{ IDEA of other Aspie friends sounds lovely.}
Btw Mona , after a certain age , if you see things are not particularily conducive. To making friends , what does it matter .How you express yourself to the bulk of NTs .especially as you age . You life is set. If no friends , what can they say to you . Your bad, your mean..why care , if there is no friendship happening. Am carefree with black humour . It seems to cross the barrier .
Am obviously not second guessing my words . Just sharing . If you can draw conclusions , on what , may be hurtful to yourself . And just blab on . You can always apologise . But if no opportunity for friendship .. Now i just be myself.

How we express ourselves to the "bulk of NTs" need not be even relevant to how we make friends with other autistic people.

Here in this thread, let's brainstorm from scratch, from the ground up: What would we want a friend to be? How would we want a prospective friend to interact with us?

More generally: If you were in charge of deciding the rules of social interaction, how would they be different from what they are now in the NT world?

Perhaps, by exploring and exchanging thoughts on questions like this, we can find easier ways for us to make friends with each other.


Am finding myself in a awkward position, am reading, what you wrote . And am not sure ..please pardon a dumb question ? But are you on the spectrum somewhere .. seriously not trying to be rude.. am trying to frame , your questions on friendship . For me to have good idea , where your coming from ? Please?


She's diagnosed with HFA (Asperger's). It's in her posting signature.



Jakki
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07 Nov 2019, 12:24 pm

Archmage Arcane wrote:
Jakki wrote:
Mona Pereth wrote:
Jakki wrote:
What ...? Wait , a friend .. heretic ... ! Autistic peeps friends ?
[...]
{ IDEA of other Aspie friends sounds lovely.}
Btw Mona , after a certain age , if you see things are not particularily conducive. To making friends , what does it matter .How you express yourself to the bulk of NTs .especially as you age . You life is set. If no friends , what can they say to you . Your bad, your mean..why care , if there is no friendship happening. Am carefree with black humour . It seems to cross the barrier .
Am obviously not second guessing my words . Just sharing . If you can draw conclusions , on what , may be hurtful to yourself . And just blab on . You can always apologise . But if no opportunity for friendship .. Now i just be myself.

How we express ourselves to the "bulk of NTs" need not be even relevant to how we make friends with other autistic people.

Here in this thread, let's brainstorm from scratch, from the ground up: What would we want a friend to be? How would we want a prospective friend to interact with us?

More generally: If you were in charge of deciding the rules of social interaction, how would they be different from what they are now in the NT world?

Perhaps, by exploring and exchanging thoughts on questions like this, we can find easier ways for us to make friends with each other.


Am finding myself in a awkward position, am reading, what you wrote . And am not sure ..please pardon a dumb question ? But are you on the spectrum somewhere .. seriously not trying to be rude.. am trying to frame , your questions on friendship . For me to have good idea , where your coming from ? Please?


She's diagnosed with HFA (Asperger's). It's in her posting signature.


Thank you very much .
Was trying to configure a answer . Wasn't sure but quite hoped that , those questions were answered in my original post. A lack of response seemed to typify her outlook on my posting . But think she may have been onto something in her post, albeit more directly & politely than mine .


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Jakki
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07 Nov 2019, 12:34 pm

Jakki wrote:
Archmage Arcane wrote:
Jakki wrote:
Mona Pereth wrote:
Jakki wrote:
What ...? Wait , a friend .. heretic ... ! Autistic peeps friends ?
[...]
{ IDEA of other Aspie friends sounds lovely.}
Btw Mona , after a certain age , if you see things are not particularily conducive. To making friends , what does it matter .How you express yourself to the bulk of NTs .especially as you age . You life is set. If no friends , what can they say to you . Your bad, your mean..why care , if there is no friendship happening. Am carefree with black humour . It seems to cross the barrier .
Am obviously not second guessing my words . Just sharing . If you can draw conclusions , on what , may be hurtful to yourself . And just blab on . You can always apologise . But if no opportunity for friendship .. Now i just be myself.

How we express ourselves to the "bulk of NTs" need not be even relevant to how we make friends with other autistic people.

Here in this thread, let's brainstorm from scratch, from the ground up: What would we want a friend to be? How would we want a prospective friend to interact with us?

More generally: If you were in charge of deciding the rules of social interaction, how would they be different from what they are now in the NT world?

Perhaps, by exploring and exchanging thoughts on questions like this, we can find easier ways for us to make friends with each other.


Am finding myself in a awkward position, am reading, what you wrote . And am not sure ..please pardon a dumb question ? But are you on the spectrum somewhere .. seriously not trying to be rude.. am trying to frame , your questions on friendship . For me to have good idea , where your coming from ? Please?


She's diagnosed with HFA (Asperger's). It's in her posting signature.


Thank you very much .
Was trying to configure a answer . Wasn't sure but quite hoped that , those questions were answered in my original post. A lack of response seemed to typify her outlook on my posting . But think she may have been onto something in her post, albeit more directly & politely than mine .

Perhaps attempting create a frame of reference . ( living in a almost singularily
NT world ) . A example of this , could be helpful . As my post merely allowed for my method of dealing with , what is constantly pushed at me.
But appreciate her attempts at defining a more neuro diverse way .


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Mona Pereth
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07 Nov 2019, 4:21 pm

Jakki wrote:
Am finding myself in a awkward position, am reading, what you wrote . And am not sure ..please pardon a dumb question ? But are you on the spectrum somewhere ..

Yes.

Jakki wrote:
seriously not trying to be rude.. am trying to frame , your questions on friendship . For me to have good idea , where your coming from ? Please?

Next time you want to know whether a WP member is on the spectrum, I would suggest that you first click on their profile and see if they filled in anything for "Diagnosis."

Anyhow, when you say you are "finding myself in a awkward position," what do you mean? What's making you feel awkward?

If you're wondering why I'm asking the questions I'm asking about how we can make social interaction less tiring, it's because of my belief that the autistic community needs to become a lot better organized (in-person as well as online) than it is now. Such organization will require social interaction. So we need to find ways to make social interaction less of a burden for us, e.g. via appropriate structuring of the groups that I think need to be built.


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Mona Pereth
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07 Nov 2019, 6:25 pm

Jakki wrote:
Was trying to configure a answer . Wasn't sure but quite hoped that , those questions were answered in my original post.

I'm not sure which post you're referring to as your "original post." Do you mean this post, or this post, or another post? The second of the two linked posts discusses medical treatment issues, which, though they may be technically on-topic for this thread (insofar as some medications or other treatments may make social interactions less tiring for some people), aren't what I was trying to get at with my question.

What I want to do in this thread is brainstorm ways we can (either in groups, or individually with people who care about us) structure social interactions themselves to make them be less tiring in the first place, to those of us who find social interactions tiring in various ways.

Of course, out in the NT world, we don't get to choose the structure of social interactions. Out in the NT world, the structure of social interactions is determined by what comes naturally to NT's.

However, in a group of autistic people, if the members and especially the leaders are committed to accommodating the members' needs, then social interactions within that group can be structured, at least in part, in whatever way the group decides. An example is the color communication badges that are used at some autistic people's conferences such as Autreat.

Ideally, groups could be structured not only to make social interactions less tiring, but also to make it easier for members to make friends within the group.

Jakki wrote:
A lack of response seemed to typify her outlook on my posting .

I'm sorry if I've been ignoring enough of your posts that it would seem to "typify" my "outlook" on your postings. So I guess I owe you a clarification. See my forthcoming PM.

Jakki wrote:
But think she may have been onto something in her post, albeit more directly & politely than mine .

Have I sufficiently clarified the point of my questions about possible ways to make social interaction less tiring and also to make it easier for us, as autistic people, to make friends?


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27 Feb 2020, 12:23 pm

How? By getting more sleep, if there is any chance of being in deficit. This can be tricky, because social anxiety can lead to chronic loss of sleep as we re-play conversations or otherwise react badly.
I saw a recent study that showed that missing as little as 15 minutes of sleep was statistically significant at reducing the desire for social interaction. Even more interesting was that others also avoided the tired person if possible.
My guess is that we use dreams to resolve our feelings about previous conversations, and until that process has completed, our buffer for dealing with new ones is too full. We can't react to the person in front of us if we are still reacting to one from yesterday.
If sleep is elusive, even very lousy meditation is the next best thing, and is one of the better sleep aids if done in a comfy position.



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27 Feb 2020, 10:24 pm

Mona Pereth wrote:
Jakki wrote:
Was trying to configure a answer . Wasn't sure but quite hoped that , those questions were answered in my original post.

I'm not sure which post you're referring to as your "original post." Do you mean this post, or this post, or another post? The second of the two linked posts discusses medical treatment issues, which, though they may be technically on-topic for this thread (insofar as some medications or other treatments may make social interactions less tiring for some people), aren't what I was trying to get at with my question.

What I want to do in this thread is brainstorm ways we can (either in groups, or individually with people who care about us) structure social interactions themselves to make them be less tiring in the first place, to those of us who find social interactions tiring in various ways.

Of course, out in the NT world, we don't get to choose the structure of social interactions. Out in the NT world, the structure of social interactions is determined by what comes naturally to NT's.

However, in a group of autistic people, if the members and especially the leaders are committed to accommodating the members' needs, then social interactions within that group can be structured, at least in part, in whatever way the group decides. An example is the color communication badges that are used at some autistic people's conferences such as Autreat.

Ideally, groups could be structured not only to make social interactions less tiring, but also to make it easier for members to make friends within the group.

Jakki wrote:
A lack of response seemed to typify her outlook on my posting .

I'm sorry if I've been ignoring enough of your posts that it would seem to "typify" my "outlook" on your postings. So I guess I owe you a clarification. See my forthcoming PM.

Jakki wrote:
But think she may have been onto something in her post, albeit more directly & politely than mine .

Have I sufficiently clarified the point of my questions about possible ways to make social interaction less tiring and also to make it easier for us, as autistic people, to make friends?


yes colored badges and perhaps a poster in any social gathering to remind all members what each colour stands for.? looking forward to upcoming pm or not.


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Mona Pereth
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28 Feb 2020, 4:52 am

Jakki wrote:
yes colored badges and perhaps a poster in any social gathering to remind all members what each colour stands for.?

Yes, I would hope that groups that use the badges also have posters about them.

Jakki wrote:
looking forward to upcoming pm or not.

The message you replied to just now was dated November 7, and refers to a PM I sent you on or around that day.


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