Accepting my Aromanticity/Asexuality
dragonsanddemons
Veteran
Joined: 19 Mar 2011
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 6,659
Location: The Labyrinth of Leviathan
Even though I've known all my life that I'm a nonromantic asexual, recently I've been having trouble accepting that. It feels like everyone in the world except me has or wants a romantic relationship. It's such a big part of most people's lives, yet I completely lack the desire - heck, I can hardly even handle close friendship. I actually want to be alone forever. It feels like I'm broken, like the part of me that would desire such things is either damaged irreparably or missing entirely. Part of me feels guilty about it, like I should desire a romantic relationship and that someone is supposed to be my romantic partner, but by not feeling any sort of romantic inclination, I'm ruining that. Part of me knows that there are other people who are nonromantic asexuals, and that there's nothing wrong with that, but I'm having a very hard time convincing the rest of myself that it doesn't mean there's something wrong with me.
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Yet in my new wildness and freedom I almost welcome the bitterness of alienage. For although nepenthe has calmed me, I know always that I am an outsider; a stranger in this century and among those who are still men.
-H. P. Lovecraft, "The Outsider"
Yeah, I know this stage - not the same as I am a romantic demisexual - but the things people say about spending time with others, partying, lots od friends that make you feel better... I used to feel that there was something wrong with me, that I should try harder to discover that friendship thing people talked so much about. I felt that I missed some big part of life.
Only recently I decided that it's just my way.
I hope you come to accept yourself the way you are and find a way to be happy.
PS My daughter currently says she doesn't want to get married or have children, she wants to live alone with cats
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Let's not confuse being normal with being mentally healthy.
<not moderating PPR stuff concerning East Europe>
I think you should be concerned with doing the things you enjoy doing the most. I use to try to be normal, even if it was at the expense of my own comfort. So if you don’t feel like you want to be romantic, don’t be romantic. People do this because they feel a sense of enjoyment and sometimes it may not be something that an aspie or someone on the spectrum may share an interest or enjoyment in. I like to find things that I enjoy doing, and if being romantic is not part of it then I won’t do it.
Asexuality seems to simplify someone else's life tenfold. As someone with a very intense sexuality but who likes being on my own, I can say that I wish I was asexual too.
I apologise in advance if this could trigger someone but it's just to illustrate my point: the simple fact that some anonymous girl is coming out as an asexual on an internet forum, makes me feel aroused. There you see how much of a burden sexuality is.
Like Brivae said: Your life should be spent doing things that make you happy. We in general don't necessarily like the same things or feel the same way as other humans ( ), but that doesn't make our lives less meaningful.
You are not defined by this one aspect of who you are, although I do agree that it seems to be highly advertised in many films, tv programmes, music and conversations. I think that love, romance etc. is different for different people, and not everyone feels it in the same way or through the same means. You are not missing anything in yourself, or in experience if a romantic relationship is not what you want.
And if something changes in the future, and you want to pursue a romantic relationship like kraftiekortie says: go for it then. In the mean-time:
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