Jealous of other peoples' social lives

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chris1989
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12 Nov 2019, 4:07 pm

Looking at other people in their late teens and twenties in real life and online going out to parties, bars, pubs, going abroad, going to concerts and stuff like that always makes me look back and make me feel I have wasted my life and missing out by not doing these things even though I acknowledge the fact that I don't go to clubs and bars because they can be crowded, loud and seem like quite uncomfortable places to socialise in (for example I went to one once and found it uncomfortable with flashing lights and the noise and for most of the night I sat outside until it had finished), I have a few friends and they are not the hanging-out type and don't do those things, I have only been to one or two concerts (with dad and family not friends) and not been to any since, been abroad (only with family not with friends) and won't go abroad on my own as I seem to think its pointless and it might make me feel quite lonely and won't enjoy as much being on my own much. I seem to think that because you are in your late teens, twenties or thirty you MUST do these things as though it will make you fulfilled and content with your life because you've done it. I part of me feels like I its other people's fault for not trying socialise with me at school, college, uni and so on but I know I don't want to hate them but I keep telling myself that I was much more shy 10 years ago and I was nearly always left on my own even though some people were sociable to me and I at times struggled to socialise with them and start a conversation and get their phone numbers. I tell myself ''well, the reason you are left on your own is because you are not making the effort to interact with them and they'll talk to you. If you don't they won't speak to you. Simple as that'' It even feels like I am annoyed at myself then being socially awkward and not knowing out to start a conversation.



Joe90
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12 Nov 2019, 4:53 pm

I've never been abroad with friends. Only family.

I've never been clubbing.

I've never been drunk.

I've only ever had 1 sleepover at a friend's house.

I've never had a friend to sleep over at my house.

(I've only done these things with my boyfriend, well except the drinking and clubbing).


Do I feel jealous that the vast majority of everyone I know has done all of these normal social experiences with friends and how easy it is/was for them to make friends well enough to be included and invited?
Yes I do.

Do I post how I upset feel about it time and time again on WP?
Yes I do.

So I know exactly how you feel. It's best to get these things off your chest. Social isolation is horrible and often leads to depression. If NTs weren't so shallow, or if NTs that don't like drinking or clubbing weren't so rare, then people like me and you would be more understood and accepted by our peers. And it's not like we don't try with them, because we DO. And we get rejected for it, and social rejection is very hard to deal with. :cry:


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kraftiekortie
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12 Nov 2019, 6:03 pm

I never had a pleasant time clubbing.

I never got drunk in my life----fortunately.

Most of my "sleep-outs" have been in places where I couldn't get any sleep.

You're not missing much----trust me!



Canadian Penguin
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12 Nov 2019, 11:37 pm

Personally, I think hanging out at bars, clubbing, etc., is time wasted. I've done it but never did much of it.

If you have a few close friends you can spend time with, I think it's far more rewarding than spending somewhere where the music is too loud, the drinks too expensive and the people too shallow.

Some aspects of my childhood I do resent my inability to fit in, but I cannot change the past.


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Rainbow_Belle
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13 Nov 2019, 1:03 am

Having Aspergers makes social interactions near impossible. There are so many things I miss out on because people do not like me because of Aspergers. It is just rotten luck of having Aspergers and nothing can be done about it.



221B
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13 Nov 2019, 4:26 am

i dont know if it's jealousy but i feel sad when i think that people my age have friends and spouses. i dont know if they love their friends or if their friends love them or it's just a mutual relationship because neither party wants to be alone. i really dont know if people who call themselves friends of each other really like each other.
you dont have to go out on the kind of get-togethers you mentioned. they are useless social constructs. your life is no less because you dont do them. you're lucky you dont waste time with them.



Edna3362
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13 Nov 2019, 5:01 am

Never envious of social lives. A part of me knew, I'd rather resolve some things before entering certain territories.

But more like envious at most people's ability to juggle between lives more like it.


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auntblabby
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13 Nov 2019, 5:22 am

jealousy over the decades is corrosive. being around people whose existential talent flashed like a giant neon sign, wore me out, to survive i hadda retreat to the wilderness. at least now i am among more congenial company, namely me and myself :mrgreen: :alien: :nerdy:



Fireblossom
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13 Nov 2019, 6:17 am

I would love to travel with friends too, but I don't have any who I'd be close enough with. That's why I travel on my own and with family.

Clubbing and concerts are something I'm not interested in anyway, so I don't feel bad about missing them.



auntblabby
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13 Nov 2019, 6:22 am

all my life i've hadda to stuff by myself.