Why is being a geek or nerd unattractive?

Page 1 of 2 [ 19 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2  Next

chris1989
Sea Gull
Sea Gull

Joined: 2 Aug 2018
Gender: Male
Posts: 221
Location: Kent, UK

20 Nov 2019, 2:54 pm

I can't quite understand why some girls and women seem to find it unattractive if a guy for example likes reading a book than someone who plays sports and goes to the gym. I seem to think most of them find it attractive if someone goes out a lot for a drink, partying and stuff than someone staying at home watching game of thrones on a saturday night. It does seem to frustrate and annoy me a bit. I watched a video where girls in public were asked if they liked geeks and nerds. Some said yes, quite a number of them said no because it wasn't their type, some Eastern European girls preferred going out with someone for a drink and because they 'lack confidence' and stuff. I seem to think its my fault for still not having met someone and wasted my time not 'getting out there to make an effort' even though I've been on dating sites and had hardly any views and messages from people. There seems to be no where for me to go to meet someone apart from pubs, clubs and bars. I've been on an app to meet up with people and found nothing that interests me like art classes (which I used to do), bowling or book clubs because its not the same as though you walk into a library and meet someone even though libraries are not all usually social environments. I do get feelings of jealousy that boil over inside my head even though I try to contain it when I see people going out with other people and always ponder the question that it ''must of been in a club or bar that they met each other.''



Fnord
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 May 2008
Gender: Male
Posts: 42,365
Location: Stendec

20 Nov 2019, 2:59 pm

chris1989 wrote:
Why is being a geek or nerd unattractive?
Because the very definition of a nerd is an unstylish, unattractive, and/or socially inept person, especially one who is slavishly devoted to intellectual or academic pursuits.

A geek isn't much better off, as geeks were originally carnival performers who were billed as "wild" men whose act usually included biting the head off a live chicken or snake.


_________________
"I must acknowledge, once and for all, that the purpose of diplomacy is to prolong a crisis."
-- Leonard Nimoy as Mr. Spock, in the Star Trek episode "The Mark of Gideon" (ep. 3.16, 1969)


Joe90
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 23 Feb 2010
Gender: Female
Posts: 17,927
Location: Maidstone, UK

20 Nov 2019, 3:30 pm

Some women like men with a lot of money, and being nerdy can sometimes be financially beneficial, also nerdy men are more likely to be honest and loyal, so you'd thought women would go after the nerdy types. It doesn't make sense. :?


_________________
Female
Aged 30
On antidepressants
Diagnosed with AS, ADHD and anxiety disorder


BenderRodriguez
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 9 Feb 2012
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,176

20 Nov 2019, 3:41 pm

Fnord wrote:
chris1989 wrote:
Why is being a geek or nerd unattractive?
Because the very definition of a nerd is an unstylish, unattractive, and/or socially inept person, especially one who is slavishly devoted to intellectual or academic pursuits.

This seems to be the image American media portrays? (I ask as a non-American). This stereotype is not valid where I am: I work with "nerds" from all generations, my professional universe is basically filled with programmers and engineers. Where I live, they make very good money (the great ones, really great money), most of them seem to range from conventionally to unconventionally attractive, have quirky personalities or a sense of humour that a lot of people find at least intriguing and often appealing. Also, a significant (and increasing) number of them keep in top shape to compensate for the sedentary lifestyle.


_________________
"Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored." Aldous Huxley


Fnord
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 May 2008
Gender: Male
Posts: 42,365
Location: Stendec

20 Nov 2019, 4:30 pm

BenderRodriguez wrote:
Fnord wrote:
chris1989 wrote:
Why is being a geek or nerd unattractive?
Because the very definition of a nerd is an unstylish, unattractive, and/or socially inept person, especially one who is slavishly devoted to intellectual or academic pursuits.
This seems to be the image American media portrays? (I ask as a non-American). This stereotype is not valid where I am: I work with "nerds" from all generations, my professional universe is basically filled with programmers and engineers. Where I live, they make very good money (the great ones, really great money), most of them seem to range from conventionally to unconventionally attractive, have quirky personalities or a sense of humour that a lot of people find at least intriguing and often appealing. Also, a significant (and increasing) number of them keep in top shape to compensate for the sedentary lifestyle.
I got those definitions from the Merriam-Webster Dictionary, so I would think they were a global standard.


_________________
"I must acknowledge, once and for all, that the purpose of diplomacy is to prolong a crisis."
-- Leonard Nimoy as Mr. Spock, in the Star Trek episode "The Mark of Gideon" (ep. 3.16, 1969)


BenderRodriguez
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 9 Feb 2012
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,176

20 Nov 2019, 4:33 pm

Fnord wrote:
BenderRodriguez wrote:
Fnord wrote:
chris1989 wrote:
Why is being a geek or nerd unattractive?
Because the very definition of a nerd is an unstylish, unattractive, and/or socially inept person, especially one who is slavishly devoted to intellectual or academic pursuits.
This seems to be the image American media portrays? (I ask as a non-American). This stereotype is not valid where I am: I work with "nerds" from all generations, my professional universe is basically filled with programmers and engineers. Where I live, they make very good money (the great ones, really great money), most of them seem to range from conventionally to unconventionally attractive, have quirky personalities or a sense of humour that a lot of people find at least intriguing and often appealing. Also, a significant (and increasing) number of them keep in top shape to compensate for the sedentary lifestyle.
I got those definitions from the Merriam-Webster Dictionary, so I would think they were a global standard.


I get it, all I'm saying is that from what I'm seeing around me, that particular stereotype is hopefully seeing its last days :ninja:


_________________
"Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored." Aldous Huxley


goatfish57
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 12 Nov 2015
Gender: Male
Posts: 564
Location: In a village in La Mancha whose name I cannot recall

20 Nov 2019, 4:51 pm

I probably fit into all the categories and stereotypes describe above. The reason I never found love is not because of society's biases. The problem is entirely mine. Programmers/Engineers/Bookworms/Eggheads ... are not unattractive by nature. We may not get the trophy mate, but I tell you, trophies are not worth having.

My friend, you may be looking for love in all the wrong places. Or like me, not seeing it when it is right in your face.

Keep trying and with some luck you will find someone.


_________________
Rdos: ND 133/200, NT 75/200

Not Diagnosed, but have personality traits that are consistent with being neurodiverse. Confirmation bias may be an issue.


SportsGamer35728
Sea Gull
Sea Gull

User avatar

Joined: 6 Oct 2015
Posts: 247
Location: Vice City

20 Nov 2019, 5:08 pm

What really gets on my nerves is that being nerdy is repulsive when guys do it, but this is perfectly acceptable! :x

https://www.glamour.com/story/its-not-w ... ves-disney



Sweetleaf
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 6 Jan 2011
Gender: Female
Posts: 31,159
Location: Somewhere in Colorado

20 Nov 2019, 5:10 pm

BenderRodriguez wrote:
Fnord wrote:
BenderRodriguez wrote:
Fnord wrote:
chris1989 wrote:
Why is being a geek or nerd unattractive?
Because the very definition of a nerd is an unstylish, unattractive, and/or socially inept person, especially one who is slavishly devoted to intellectual or academic pursuits.
This seems to be the image American media portrays? (I ask as a non-American). This stereotype is not valid where I am: I work with "nerds" from all generations, my professional universe is basically filled with programmers and engineers. Where I live, they make very good money (the great ones, really great money), most of them seem to range from conventionally to unconventionally attractive, have quirky personalities or a sense of humour that a lot of people find at least intriguing and often appealing. Also, a significant (and increasing) number of them keep in top shape to compensate for the sedentary lifestyle.
I got those definitions from the Merriam-Webster Dictionary, so I would think they were a global standard.


I get it, all I'm saying is that from what I'm seeing around me, that particular stereotype is hopefully seeing its last days :ninja:


Well you did specify this is your professional environment in a very specific field. Also not sure being a programmer/engineer makes someone a nerd. I suspect many of them are just people who are good at that field or have been able to learn the skills without having much interest beyond that, while some may be nerds who have been fascinated and obsessed with computers and programming before they got any certifications.



cberg
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 31 Dec 2011
Gender: Male
Posts: 10,884
Location: Boulder CO

20 Nov 2019, 5:25 pm

SportsGamer35728 wrote:
What really gets on my nerves is that being nerdy is repulsive when guys do it, but this is perfectly acceptable! :x

https://www.glamour.com/story/its-not-w ... ves-disney


It's not nerds being sexist, people are extremely sex-negative towards nerds. When I say extremely, I'm understating this in the extreme. It's not exactly everyone but almost.


_________________
"Standing on a well-chilled cinder, we see the fading of the suns, and try to recall the vanished brilliance of the origin of the worlds."
-Georges Lemaitre
"I fly through hyperspace, in my green computer interface"
-Gem Tos :mrgreen:


kraftiekortie
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 Feb 2014
Gender: Male
Posts: 69,883
Location: Queens, NYC

20 Nov 2019, 6:00 pm

The Merriam-Webster Dictionary is an AMERICAN dictionary whose definitions are, subtly, from the AMERICAN point of view, though it claims objectivity. I would call it the authoritative dictionary pertaining to American English.

Just like the Oxford English Dictionary is sort of biased towards British English---though it claims objectivity--because it is a BRITISH dictionary.



timf
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 25 Oct 2013
Gender: Male
Posts: 515

21 Nov 2019, 9:48 am

There was an episode of “Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee” where Jerry Seinfeld and Joel Hodgson (creator of “Mystery Science Theater 3000”) were walking to a restaurant across the parking lot. Jerry, in observing the styles of the cars, complained that they all had rounded edges. To this Joel responded, “That’s what they are doing to all of us”.

There are powerful forces of conformity in society tending to homogenize us. (I see a diabolical hand behind this, but most don’t)

As a result of the major social current towards conformity, those who keep their own counsel or act independently (such as Aspies) are painted as odd and to be shunned if not ridiculed. The carnival definition of “geek” is no longer valid and can only cause confusion when it is cited. Most people understand that it describes those with whom it is socially toxic to associate.



Fnord
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 May 2008
Gender: Male
Posts: 42,365
Location: Stendec

21 Nov 2019, 9:51 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
The Merriam-Webster Dictionary is an AMERICAN dictionary whose definitions are, subtly, from the AMERICAN point of view, though it claims objectivity. I would call it the authoritative dictionary pertaining to American English.  Just like the Oxford English Dictionary is sort of biased towards British English---though it claims objectivity--because it is a BRITISH dictionary.
Well?

Are you going to provide the Oxford English Dictionary definitions of 'Nerd' and 'Geek'?

Don't lead in and omit the follow-through.


_________________
"I must acknowledge, once and for all, that the purpose of diplomacy is to prolong a crisis."
-- Leonard Nimoy as Mr. Spock, in the Star Trek episode "The Mark of Gideon" (ep. 3.16, 1969)


kraftiekortie
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 Feb 2014
Gender: Male
Posts: 69,883
Location: Queens, NYC

21 Nov 2019, 10:12 am

How do you post a dictionary entry onto WP?

A "nerd," according to the OED, is (originally US) slang:

"An insignificant, foolish, or socially inept person; a person who pursues an unfashionable or highly technical interest with obsessive or exclusive dedication."



Fnord
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 May 2008
Gender: Male
Posts: 42,365
Location: Stendec

21 Nov 2019, 10:25 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
How do you post a dictionary entry onto WP? ...
Ever hear of the term "Copy-and-Paste"?


_________________
"I must acknowledge, once and for all, that the purpose of diplomacy is to prolong a crisis."
-- Leonard Nimoy as Mr. Spock, in the Star Trek episode "The Mark of Gideon" (ep. 3.16, 1969)


kraftiekortie
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 Feb 2014
Gender: Male
Posts: 69,883
Location: Queens, NYC

21 Nov 2019, 10:29 am

It doesn't hurt to try that.