Even a “geeky” Meet Up group didn’t work out for me

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Marknis
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27 Nov 2019, 10:03 am

I live in an area that is largely religious and socially conformist. If you aren’t a Christian and keep up with whatever the media is pushing, you can pretty much forget about having a social life. A few years ago, however, I thought I had some hope when a Meet Up group called The Collective formed in my area. It was meant for fans of science fiction or at least non-mainstream movies and gaming of all sorts. I was a member until April of this year but even when I did go on a semi-regular basis, I still felt like I didn’t fit in. Despite being listed as a “geeky” group, there was still a lot of drinking and the typical “roughness” of the Killeen-Temple-Fort Hood culture, especially among the men in the group. I kept finding myself pushed to the wayside because I didn’t drink and there were few actual discussions on science fiction. When it came to music, it was just mainstream acts that more or less everyone knows about.

There were a handful of actual “geeks” in the group but even with them I got pushed to the wayside. I thought being a fan of Guilty Gear when it comes to video games and anime like Made in Abyss would be accepted but apparently if you don’t follow Pokémon religiously and watch every trendy anime, you aren’t a “real geek”. Instead of being accepted as an individual, I was rejected just like the rednecks, ghetto thugs, and general Bible Belters still do to me.

I don’t fit in anywhere. I am rejected by both the “normal” and “geeky” worlds.



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27 Nov 2019, 12:26 pm

That is really sad


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Marknis
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27 Nov 2019, 12:49 pm

skibum wrote:
That is really sad


In what way?



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27 Nov 2019, 1:16 pm

First, it is sad to me that people who would claim to be Christians would act in ways that I would not expect Christians to be acting and secondly that they would push you away and reject you. I gather from what you wrote that they did not actively push you away but they did not go out of their way to include you and make you feel wanted. Not very Christian of them.


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Marknis
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27 Nov 2019, 1:37 pm

skibum wrote:
First, it is sad to me that people who would claim to be Christians would act in ways that I would not expect Christians to be acting and secondly that they would push you away and reject you. I gather from what you wrote that they did not actively push you away but they did not go out of their way to include you and make you feel wanted. Not very Christian of them.


When it comes to Christians that I encounter, they either scowl at me or they ask me if I go to church and start proselytizing to me if I say I don’t.

What’s really sickening is that these Christians drink beer, smoke, have pre-marital sex, tattoo their flesh, and buy guns as long as they ask God to forgive them. Anyone who practices a non-Christian religion or doesn’t practice one at all is a “sinner” despite how they aren’t behaving any different. I’ve even encountered women who are ok with pre-marital sex but the people they have sex with have to be Christian as well or they will act like you are a murderer. Oh yeah, I am really feeling the “Christian love”. :roll:



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27 Nov 2019, 1:52 pm

Marknis wrote:
skibum wrote:
First, it is sad to me that people who would claim to be Christians would act in ways that I would not expect Christians to be acting and secondly that they would push you away and reject you. I gather from what you wrote that they did not actively push you away but they did not go out of their way to include you and make you feel wanted. Not very Christian of them.


When it comes to Christians that I encounter, they either scowl at me or they ask me if I go to church and start proselytizing to me if I say I don’t.

What’s really sickening is that these Christians drink beer, smoke, have pre-marital sex, tattoo their flesh, and buy guns as long as they ask God to forgive them. Anyone who practices a non-Christian religion or doesn’t practice one at all is a “sinner” despite how they aren’t behaving any different. I’ve even encountered women who are ok with pre-marital sex but the people they have sex with have to be Christian as well or they will act like you are a murderer. Oh yeah, I am really feeling the “Christian love”. :roll:
Well they are not following Christ, that is for sure. Maybe they have another person they follow, a Christopher perhaps? It's a darned shame. But no one is being fooled.


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27 Nov 2019, 2:49 pm

Careful calling them Christians, Brother Marknis--that's OUR word. (Scowls in Roman Catholic.)

Just kidding. What a pack of bloody hypocrites. I've seen people like that and ever since Catholic ascetic practices made everyone at my old workplace think I was a gay Hindoo I have been convinced that redneck culture doesn't work. (Apparently celibacy makes them gay and abstaining from meat on Fridays makes you a Hindoo or a vegetarian or something. Excuse me, I'm wearing leather boots so hardly vegan.)

Interesting mess you've gotten yourself into. Hope it works better for you--it's universal the amount of stupidity across the USA, but the South has its pockets of wonderful variety.



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28 Nov 2019, 1:02 pm

I found the same thing: in short I am too geeky/nerdy, etc to be "normal" but not weird, eccentric, geeky, nerdy enough to fit into those groups as well. I have just learned to accept that few people are truly going to accept me for who I am and there is nothing I can do about it. You would think a sub-group like geeks that was likely treated poorly growing up would be more welcoming to new members but you would be wrong: in my experience they are some of the worst of all.

As for religion, it really must be a different culture down there because even living in one of Canada's more religious areas nobody openly talks about it outside of Mormons and JWs going door to door. When I was doing the dating thing it was downright annoying how so many women loved to brag about how they were not religious, unless it was something like Buddhism. I swear nearly everyone on OKcupid was a vegan, environmentalist crossfit atheist who hates cars, TV and anything not ultra left wing yet doesn't see the hypocrisy in loving to travel the world in highly polluting airplanes. Even with a religious wife I would estimate that 75% of the people I know are either atheist or agnostic.

I had KFC for lunch yesterday, drive my car to work and love to unwind in front of the TV. That probably explained the lack of dating success until I met the Mrs.



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28 Nov 2019, 2:22 pm

Sorry you had such a bad time. Personally, I usually find it a relief to be pushed to the wayside in social groups, but if you crave that kind of interaction, maybe you could start your own group and advertise it in your area. You can publish details in the classifieds and on bulletins at nearby libraries (I've often seen groups advertised in this way). Taking the lead will force you into the center of things, at least.



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28 Nov 2019, 4:19 pm

I seem better off fitting in with middle-aged or elder NTs than any other group type. The only time I can fit in with people in their 20s or 30s is if they aren't NTs. Otherwise NTs in their 20s and 30s seem to think I'm boring and ghost me. That's where not being a drinker isolates you, because it seems that every NT I know in their 20s and even 30s seem to be interested in getting drunk every weekend.

I've joined a social group once that was mixed with eccentric geeky young people with high IQs and older people with learning difficulties, and I didn't really fit in because I felt too in-between. I think I identified more with the older ones with learning difficulties but I was very shy and didn't get to talk to them much. It soon felt like turning up to this place was a chore, so I stopped going.


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29 Nov 2019, 3:35 am

I'm sorry to hear you had such an experience. :( I sometimes feel pushed out of things, but it's difficult to judge whether it's them actually pushing or myself thinking I don't fit in.

Do you not like any of the subjects they spoke of at all, or know about them? I'm just thinking that if you did give the group another try there may be ways to interact and 'steer' the conversation/connect through this. For example, asking them who their favourite character/ship/storyline is, and then if there's one similar in something you like saying "That's why I like person/ship/event in x, you might enjoy it." Or even the opposite "I don't like character/ship/event, because...", or just asking them to talk about why they like these things. I don't know if this would work or not but it might be worth a try. :)
In my case, I often come across other women it would seem I don't have anything in common with because they like and talk about reality tv or 'soap opera' programs, which I have zero interest in. But I do find it interesting why they like them, who they want to win etc. so I ask this, or I say "I don't really watch reality tv, I like period dramas though and am currently watching x", and they then ask me about the program, or I'll say something else like "The costuming is amazing" and it leads to another conversation, and finding out I do have something in common with them. It's like finding out more about them, and then being able to forge a connection. I've had both success and failure with doing this.



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29 Nov 2019, 8:35 pm

I don't worry about fitting in. It isn't important to me.



Marknis
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30 Nov 2019, 7:38 pm

GiantHockeyFan wrote:
I found the same thing: in short I am too geeky/nerdy, etc to be "normal" but not weird, eccentric, geeky, nerdy enough to fit into those groups as well. I have just learned to accept that few people are truly going to accept me for who I am and there is nothing I can do about it. You would think a sub-group like geeks that was likely treated poorly growing up would be more welcoming to new members but you would be wrong: in my experience they are some of the worst of all.

As for religion, it really must be a different culture down there because even living in one of Canada's more religious areas nobody openly talks about it outside of Mormons and JWs going door to door. When I was doing the dating thing it was downright annoying how so many women loved to brag about how they were not religious, unless it was something like Buddhism. I swear nearly everyone on OKcupid was a vegan, environmentalist crossfit atheist who hates cars, TV and anything not ultra left wing yet doesn't see the hypocrisy in loving to travel the world in highly polluting airplanes. Even with a religious wife I would estimate that 75% of the people I know are either atheist or agnostic.

I had KFC for lunch yesterday, drive my car to work and love to unwind in front of the TV. That probably explained the lack of dating success until I met the Mrs.


The fact I like heavy metal, play video games like Guilty Gear (I don’t care for GTA or Call of Duty but not for political or social reasons, they are just boring and redundant to me), and like pre-2015 comic books makes some left wing minded people upset. The odd thing is that I don’t see these people buying the current run of Captain Marvel; it’s the comic book reviewers and comic book fans who want to support their local stores instead of political trend jumping who are doing it.

Stardust_Dragonfly wrote:
I'm sorry to hear you had such an experience. :( I sometimes feel pushed out of things, but it's difficult to judge whether it's them actually pushing or myself thinking I don't fit in.

Do you not like any of the subjects they spoke of at all, or know about them? I'm just thinking that if you did give the group another try there may be ways to interact and 'steer' the conversation/connect through this. For example, asking them who their favourite character/ship/storyline is, and then if there's one similar in something you like saying "That's why I like person/ship/event in x, you might enjoy it." Or even the opposite "I don't like character/ship/event, because...", or just asking them to talk about why they like these things. I don't know if this would work or not but it might be worth a try. :)
In my case, I often come across other women it would seem I don't have anything in common with because they like and talk about reality tv or 'soap opera' programs, which I have zero interest in. But I do find it interesting why they like them, who they want to win etc. so I ask this, or I say "I don't really watch reality tv, I like period dramas though and am currently watching x", and they then ask me about the program, or I'll say something else like "The costuming is amazing" and it leads to another conversation, and finding out I do have something in common with them. It's like finding out more about them, and then being able to forge a connection. I've had both success and failure with doing this.


They would mostly talk about work, their relationships, and the popular movies at the time. Sometimes I could join in if they brought up a movie I had watched, too, but it wouldn’t last long. If I saw something I enjoyed and wanted to share my experience with others, I only got “Oh, that’s cool...” in a languid tone, “I haven’t seen it.”, or even “I don’t like those kind of movies.” which ruined my enthusiasm in staying at the event.



Last edited by Marknis on 30 Nov 2019, 9:03 pm, edited 3 times in total.

shortfatbalduglyman
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30 Nov 2019, 8:10 pm

You don't have to go to a Meetup if you don't want to


If they don't react to you in the way you want, please do not go back and please do not obsess about it


Please think "here and now". Please do something that might make your life move forward



Marknis
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30 Nov 2019, 9:05 pm

Borromeo wrote:
Careful calling them Christians, Brother Marknis--that's OUR word. (Scowls in Roman Catholic.)

Just kidding. What a pack of bloody hypocrites. I've seen people like that and ever since Catholic ascetic practices made everyone at my old workplace think I was a gay Hindoo I have been convinced that redneck culture doesn't work. (Apparently celibacy makes them gay and abstaining from meat on Fridays makes you a Hindoo or a vegetarian or something. Excuse me, I'm wearing leather boots so hardly vegan.)

Interesting mess you've gotten yourself into. Hope it works better for you--it's universal the amount of stupidity across the USA, but the South has its pockets of wonderful variety.


Hinduism is often mistaken for Islam where I live. There’s a Hindu temple on the outskirts of the city and my grandmother thought it was a mosque.