I went to a gay bar for the first time.

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Lost_dragon
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30 Nov 2019, 2:28 pm

So, that's something off the bucket list. It was...loud. 8O Admittedly it was a bit too much for me. When I found myself retreating to the ladies' room (to get away from it all) for the second time, I decided that I should probably leave. Still, I managed to have some fun, but I don't think it was my cup of tea really. Too many strobe lights and songs that sound way too similar.

At least I got to hang out with friends, but hopefully if we do something like this again it'll be somewhere quieter. If the music was playing at the volume I could hear through the walls in the ladies', then it would've been much more tolerable. Just glad the club wasn't serving food, if there was anything else going on then I think I might have freaked out. I must've looked a bit uncomfortable because my friend group kept asking if I was doing OK.

Although, on the plus side I might have found some potential roommates for my next academic year at University. The group I went with need one more person to pay rent on the place they're moving to, and suggested that I join them. I'm not sure if I will take them up on their offer though. Firstly, they seem a bit intense. It also depends on if I find a placement or part-time gig, and if so where it is. Irregardless, I feel honoured to be considered as a potential roommate.


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04 Dec 2019, 6:47 pm

My first time at a gay bar was a year ago. I can agree it was loud and the strobe music made my ears hurt a little, but I loved the club-like atmosphere more than the somber quietness of regular bars. The drag queen show was a lot of fun too, and I made a new friend with one of the drag queens who was also trans.

Also, their drinks were superb.



Butterfly88
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04 Dec 2019, 7:33 pm

I'm glad you were able to have the experience. I'm a lesbian but have never been. Also that's cool about the roommates, I hope it works out.



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08 Dec 2019, 12:00 pm

I went to a gay bar once with a friend, didn't like the noise, though I don't like bars/clubs in general, gay or straight. Glad to hear you met some potential roommates.


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12 Jan 2020, 6:46 am

Butterfly88 wrote:
I'm glad you were able to have the experience. I'm a lesbian but have never been. Also that's cool about the roommates, I hope it works out.

019, 2:28 pm
So, that's something off the bucket list. It was...loud. 8O Admittedly it was a bit too much for me. When I found myself retreating to the ladies' room (to get away from it all) for the second time, I decided that I should probably leave. Still, I managed to have some fun, but I don't think it was my cup of tea really. Too many strobe lights and songs that sound way too similar.

At least I got to hang out with friends, but hopefully if we do something like this again it'll be somewhere quieter. If the music was playing at the volume I could hear through the walls in the ladies', then it would've been much more tolerable. Just glad the club wasn't serving food, if there was anything else going on then I think I might have freaked out. I must've looked a bit uncomfortable because my friend group kept asking if I was doing OK.
019, 2:28 pm
So, that's something off the bucket list. It was...loud. 8O Admittedly it was a bit too much for me. When I found myself retreating to the ladies' room (to get away from it all) for the second time, I decided that I should probably leave. Still, I managed to have some fun, but I don't think it was my cup of tea really. Too many strobe lights and songs that sound way too similar.

At least I got to hang out with friends, but hopefully if we do something like this again it'll be somewhere quieter. If the music was playing at the volume I could hear through the walls in the ladies', then it would've been much more tolerable. Just glad the club wasn't serving food, if there was anything else going on then I think I might have freaked out. I must've looked a bit uncomfortable because my friend group kept asking if I was doing OK.



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04 Mar 2020, 10:24 pm

We really need places for LGBTQIA+ folx who want a quieter environment to connect and get to know each other. My wife and I talk about opening a place like that.


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05 Mar 2020, 9:14 am

 

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Lost_dragon
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05 Mar 2020, 11:39 am

WildColonial wrote:
We really need places for LGBTQIA+ folx who want a quieter environment to connect and get to know each other. My wife and I talk about opening a place like that.


Well, you have my support.

Now I've been to the gay bar mentioned in the original post twice. The place has an upstairs and a downstairs. I've discovered that the downstairs area is much quieter in comparison but it's still quite loud. The bar would be much more pleasant if it had quieter music. How bar staff hear anyone is a mystery.

People kept asking if I was OK the second time as well. I often feel somewhat fake going to those places. For the most part I'm a fairly low-energy person (unless I get talking about a subject I find interesting, or I'm completely comfortable around someone). I met a friend of a friend recently. She remarked not long after meeting me that I didn't seem like the clubbing type when we were on a night out. Then later in the night she offered to meet up for a drink sometime in a calmer environment. People kept telling me that I was the anchor of the group and the chill one.

I've come to the conclusion that clubs and bars aren't really my scene. Especially with my socially anxious / worrying side that keeps butting in with "Should I dance now?" "How should I?" "Is this an acceptable song to dance to?" "What am I supposed to talk about?" "How come I'm not having fun?" "Could someone please make my brain shut up?" "What if I do something embarrassing whilst I'm drunk and I never live it down?" "How long are we going to dance?" "When should I leave?" "How much sleep should I get later?" "What am I going to do for food?" "Is that person going to approach me?" "What do I do with my arms?" "How do people manage a social life and a work balance?" "Am I doing it right?"

:lol:

People think I'm a chill person but my mind overthinks so much. I find it difficult to relax sometimes. Low energy but constantly on-edge would be a good descriptor. The neurotic, responsible, yet somewhat chaotically disorganised one who overthinks the concept of relaxing. *Sigh* Why am I like this?


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19 Apr 2020, 12:45 am

I went once too. My gay friend asked me and I finally gave in. The noise wasn't terrible, just too much for me. The place was boring (I don't like popular music, dancing, or small talk). There weren't many people there. A middle-aged guy was dancing by himself and it made me feel awkward.

I almost ran into this drunk person and then she tried to like awkwardly dance with me but was too drunk or something. We got sodas instead of alcohol.

This guy started talking to my friend, and my friend lied straight to his face. That was the worst part of the whole night because I didn't realize my friend would be so fake at a place he seemed to like. Maybe he just said something dumb because he was nervous, but he didn't seem like it.


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Fern
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24 Apr 2020, 12:50 am

I'm not sure how old I was the first time I went to a gay bar. Maybe 18? maybe sooner? My friend worked as a DJ there. If you knew where I grew up though you'd understand why I can't recall. The whole town is basically a gay bar XD. There are way more venues catering to men though. The first time I was for sure in a Lesbian bar was when I was 18.


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26 Apr 2020, 6:58 am

Fern wrote:
I'm not sure how old I was the first time I went to a gay bar. Maybe 18? maybe sooner? My friend worked as a DJ there. If you knew where I grew up though you'd understand why I can't recall. The whole town is basically a gay bar XD. There are way more venues catering to men though. The first time I was for sure in a Lesbian bar was when I was 18.


I was 18 when I first went to a gay bar (that's nearly 40 years ago). Things were very different then. A friend and I travelled some 30+ miles for this once-a-month gay evening. Though I don't like noisy gay bars now, at the time I thought it was amazing: I lived in the back-of-beyond and I'd come into contact with quite a few gay people, proving my friend and I weren't the gay men on the planet! :) [Sounds like something from the UK series 'Little Britain'].

Now I live in London, UK. Yes, you're right there are a lot of venues for gay men. But, last time I checked, there are quite a few more gay men vs lesbians, at least in London. Many venues are in Soho - Old Compton Street, London W1. But, where Soho used to have character 30+ years ago, it's become seriously commercialised, expensive, and the small businesses can no longer afford it. Shame. I try to avoid Soho because of it.



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04 May 2020, 4:30 am

I cannot stand gay bars at all. I mean I'll go, but I'd rather not. I just feel so out of place.



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28 Feb 2021, 4:54 pm

I go to them often. Tho go alone since none of the people in my county I am out to. I was out to a bunch of people in college but not in my hometown. I like the music there so much more than the music(mostly hip hop) at straight dance clubs. Sometimes I drive a little farther to go to this certain one cause it has nicer people there. The ones closer to me are the ones in DC. But the DC nightlife scene is known to be stuck-up. In fact in the gay community in general it is known that DC gays are the most stuck-up. I go to rupaul's drag race watch parties at gay bars, to karaoke nights, to dance nights and to drag shows at gay bars.



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28 Feb 2021, 5:09 pm

Lost_dragon wrote:
WildColonial wrote:
We really need places for LGBTQIA+ folx who want a quieter environment to connect and get to know each other. My wife and I talk about opening a place like that.


Well, you have my support.

Now I've been to the gay bar mentioned in the original post twice. The place has an upstairs and a downstairs. I've discovered that the downstairs area is much quieter in comparison but it's still quite loud. The bar would be much more pleasant if it had quieter music. How bar staff hear anyone is a mystery.

People kept asking if I was OK the second time as well. I often feel somewhat fake going to those places. For the most part I'm a fairly low-energy person (unless I get talking about a subject I find interesting, or I'm completely comfortable around someone). I met a friend of a friend recently. She remarked not long after meeting me that I didn't seem like the clubbing type when we were on a night out. Then later in the night she offered to meet up for a drink sometime in a calmer environment. People kept telling me that I was the anchor of the group and the chill one.

I've come to the conclusion that clubs and bars aren't really my scene. Especially with my socially anxious / worrying side that keeps butting in with "Should I dance now?" "How should I?" "Is this an acceptable song to dance to?" "What am I supposed to talk about?" "How come I'm not having fun?" "Could someone please make my brain shut up?" "What if I do something embarrassing whilst I'm drunk and I never live it down?" "How long are we going to dance?" "When should I leave?" "How much sleep should I get later?" "What am I going to do for food?" "Is that person going to approach me?" "What do I do with my arms?" "How do people manage a social life and a work balance?" "Am I doing it right?"

:lol:

People think I'm a chill person but my mind overthinks so much. I find it difficult to relax sometimes. Low energy but constantly on-edge would be a good descriptor. The neurotic, responsible, yet somewhat chaotically disorganised one who overthinks the concept of relaxing. *Sigh* Why am I like this?



I think that there are probably other bars out there, more suitable for you.
Or perhaps an Art/drama based coffee shop - bar, as these tend to attract the more arty bohemian liberal types,
who really don't have a problem what sexual orientation you are. Kind of comes with the territory.

I myself am not gay, nor bi. But have no problem what so ever if people are.
Apart from all the sex I miss out on. If i were gay, i would probably be married by now!... lol
Just not wired that way.

As for worrying about how you are acting in these places, and being drunk.
My advice is to get drunk, especially if you are with one or two buddies who are around to keep an eye on you.

The alcohol can help you let your hair down and stop worrying. Same thing with downers such as Valium.
Careful about mixing the both though, and obviously careful about habitual use of Valium, or alcohol in that case.
As both cause major problems if used daily.

But if used in the right way, can really help you relax and enjoy.
Perhaps even consider other supplements, at least at low dose, if you want something to help you relax.

Be careful if you have anxiety, as hangovers from alcohol, Valium etc can make your anxiety spike.
Best leave the next day spare, to recoup. In my experience.

But this means you can have a really good night out every now and then!
Which would be fun for you.

As for the bohemian idea, if you are creative minded, perhaps you could find a group of people to hang with too,
as that would be great to find people who are on the same wave length and into the same things you are into.

Good luck



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28 Feb 2021, 5:40 pm

One might think twice about mixing tranquilizers with alcohol . That combination. Has caused its own share of casualties , Valium is a strong one .just my very own humble opinion .. safe than sorry.


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Lost_dragon
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28 Feb 2021, 6:32 pm

Oh wow this thread is a throwback. 2019 seems like an entirely different time. Even more bizarre to think that things might finally be reopening in the UK in mid June.

@madbutnotmad.

An art / drama themed café does seem intriguing. I almost performed at an underground bar once with an improv group, but I was unable to go that day since I had a deadline coming up and had to stay home to finish my work. The performance was based on Greek mythology and people dressed up as different gods and goddesses. It's a shame I missed it really. Especially since I'm also interested in mythology and I think I could've come up with some good jokes. A shame I'll never perform with that group again, it was fun while it lasted.

I would say that I am fairly creative. My interests include drawing, digital 3d modelling, improv comedy and I can sing. I've wondered about trying roleplaying games or learning to skate. Screenwriting is pretty fun as well.


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