Statistics that makes me enraged

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Okay thanks

I met a woman at the adventist chruch I am going to -- and she knows me from the adventist group on campus we both went to over a decade ago at a totally different state -- so she was really excited to see me. She got married between then and now. But one thing I am wondering about is this: how come she never asked me about my relationship status? Since she was so excited to see me, wouldn't she want to know the updates from my life? Well, the answer is I am single; but she could have asked. Is she assuming I am undatable? That, plus also when I volunteered information about my past relationships she seemed to change the subject, which feels as if she thinks those are imaginary girlfriends since I am undatable.

Now, the reason I brought her up is this. You mentioned friends setting friends up. Well, if she didn't think I was undatable, don't you think she might try to set me up? But no, she didn't. So apparently its because she thinks I am undatable. And the same might apply to other potential friends I might have.



And this is something I been agonizing about as well, which is also something that I find super unfair.

But now, wouldn't potential *friends* wonder about it too? If so, that seems like catch 22. Since I am friendless as of now, potential friends wonder why, so I remain friendless, so potential friends again wonder why, etc. I wish someone could break the circle.

And, incidentally, if I had friends yet didn't have a relationship, wouldn't people wonder why as well? For example, would this make them suspect I am gay?

QTF, Markinis

Question(s) for both of you.

Were you ever told growing up to be yourself, not to care what others think, be nice, don't judge a book by it's cover and things like this?

It wasn’t directed at you.

Losing 45 pounds is awesome!

Working on self improvement is very proactive. If you could find social opportunities, that’d be even better. Are there any groups at your local library you could join? Are there any classes you could take where you’d be likely to meet people, perhaps any centered around fitness or another type of activity you’d be interested in?

I’ve noticed that you tend to assume that people have bad motives. You might need to keep an eye on that because that can be very off-putting.

Sometimes people don’t ask others about their relationship status because they know that it can be an upsetting topic for people to talk about (because of still being single or maybe just having a painful breakup). She might have thought that if you wanted to talk about it you’d tell her. She was probably being tactful by not asking you.

Stop overthinking every minute detail. You just need to put yourself out there and try something new if you want things to change. Trying is better than not trying. Worrying and doing nothing is a pointless waste of time.

People aren’t going to assume you’re gay unless you have a boyfriend, are talking about attending Pride events, and doing other activities like that. Don’t worry about it.

It was back in 2017. I thought the year would be a fresh start since I was going back to college for the first time in years and I had someone on this forum (Alliekit) cheering me on but my hopes were dashed.

I meant that because I missed out on so many milestones in my developmental years that my remaining years are set in stone.

Not any groups that I'm aware of. I don't really go to the library anyway. Not sure about classes either. Some of the problem is probably that there isn't a broad range of things that I'm interested in, and those that I am interested in tend to be male-dominated

I haven't really gotten into fitness yet. There's some work I'd like to do solitarily before I consider fitness groups or anything like that. My weight loss so far has pretty much all been diet.

It seems everything makes you enraged.

Chill dude.

You can think that if you want to because it absolves you from needing to bother putting forth any effort, but not trying since 2017 suggests to me that failing to try and make adjustments as needed is the real problem here.

No one’s life is “set in stone.” People can grow and change throughout their lives whether they’re neurodiverse or not. Saying otherwise suggests laziness and an unwillingness to try.

You can’t get a coffee date because you haven’t tried hard enough.

I don’t know what to focus on because I constantly fear that opportunities will pass me by if I am not looking for a relationship even though I am socially isolated.

I’ve tried to get out of my rut in various ways for the last few years but I keep hitting dead ends and I keep getting discouraged. Alliekit told me she would post a celebratory thread for me when I finally got a girlfriend but it will never happen now since not only is she gone from this place but I just can’t get a girlfriend no matter what I try.

It sounds like you’ve not been trying very hard.

If you used half the energy that you exert by posting these threads into working on socialization skills, branching out, and looking for social opportunities in which you could meet new people, you’d almost certainly have a girlfriend within a year.

I don’t see how I could try harder. I went to a f*****g Meet Up group for a few years, jumped into conversations when I could, and put up with the endurance of staying for hours until it got to where I couldn’t bear it anymore. I even paid for speed dating services and they ended up being emotionally damaging. I also thought I made a new friend that year but she never communicated with me after exchanging contact info even when I initiated conversation.

Others have told me it would take me longer than a year, maybe even another 13 or even 31 years because I am considered “messed up”. They also tell me living with my mother curtails any chance of having a girlfriend even if I became confident. Any amount of time feels daunting to me and it makes me feel like I will snap.

Don't do speed dating...just don't.....

I learned that the hard way but the failure still damaged me. I thought things were turning around but they didn’t.

I still feel sad that Alliekit couldn’t post a celebratory thread for me.

The lonely men (as has been stated many times) are the nice, nurturing men.

The fact that most women don't know what motivates them, is something that many jerk men take advantage of, and is part of the reason they can manipulate them.

This is part of the very reason why there are lonely men to begin with.

Quick question: What do you consider trying hard enough?