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roronoa79
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Joined: 22 Jan 2012
Gender: Male
Posts: 231
Location: Indiana

07 Dec 2019, 1:52 am

My partner recently lashed out at me during a trying day and a lot of pent up frustration and resentment came to the surface. We both know that we have damaged the other psychologically over the years, we just usually don't address it. We've both done shitty things and hurt each other badly. We try to move on but it's just stewed over years. We work constantly or are otherwise busy so we have no time to address anything. There's barely time for her to relax.
I don't want to go into detail about the circumstances. She just told lashed out at me for how I've crippled her ability to be intimate or emotionally available. She told me not to speak to her or to touch her.
We've spoken since, and we've made physical contact. We've even been jovial. But I can't help but feel like we're just going through the motions of civility and couple-y behavior.
So whenever I stop to think I just try to dissociate out of my body.


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I guess I just wasn't made for these times.


quite an extreme
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Joined: 20 Aug 2018
Age: 321
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07 Dec 2019, 7:04 am

Keep calm. Be nice but self-confident and care about her being more comfortable with you. Suggest some trips or things that you can enjoy together. Doing more things that they enjoy together causes people to become more comfortable with each other.


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roronoa79
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Joined: 22 Jan 2012
Gender: Male
Posts: 231
Location: Indiana

07 Dec 2019, 8:19 pm

I don't think I emphasized enough how we do not have time for that. We also have to spend time maintaining the house and caring for one of our housemates who is nearly an invalid.
I also would not want to go on a trip with my partner. Being alone with them in a vehicle or anywhere else is a great way to get snapped at and belittled without any way of escaping. They find the most pointless things to get condescending and impatient about (it is *not* just me they do this with). Any time I attempt to call them out for this they s**t all over me (figuratively) and decide that they don't have the emotional energy to talk to me. And then if our friends try to call them out with me when they do something shitty, they run off and convince themself they are the victim and that were just ganging up on them.


_________________
I guess I just wasn't made for these times.