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Metal Rat
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01 Jan 2020, 3:53 am

The whole point of being Neurotypical is to not say what one really thinks or feels about anything. That is their entire game. Everything is sugar coated and left unsaid, or not said directly at any rate. Most do not say what they really think, for fear of being ridiculed. Would seem that they have their own Secret Code that we, on the autism spectrum, are not privy to.



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01 Jan 2020, 4:08 am

I reckon you're right. They also tend to hide their emotions. Whether I'm angry, sad or amused I can't readily hide it and cry, laugh or explode rather easily. Plus I've never fitted well into so called corporate or business culture. Seems an artificial environment.


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Joe90
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01 Jan 2020, 5:54 am

What's wrong with being tactful?


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EzraS
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01 Jan 2020, 6:20 am

It seems to me that the whole point of being neurotypical is not being autistic. And some autistic people lack social filters.



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01 Jan 2020, 5:08 pm

Generally speaking, to survive in NT society you need to be able to understand when your opinions don't need to be voiced and how certain behaviours might be viewed as disruptive and/or anti-social. Not only do you need to understand this, you also need to be able to consistently apply it to your own behaviours.


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01 Jan 2020, 5:15 pm

You also need to remember that many NTs lie as easily as they breathe. I tend to think people always tell the truth. Hah! This comes to mind because I am involved in a family drama in which no one is telling the truth. And each person, speaking to me separately, has wildly differing versions of the same story and each individually is so believable! 8O


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01 Jan 2020, 5:24 pm

blazingstar wrote:
You also need to remember that many NTs lie as easily as they breathe. I tend to think people always tell the truth. Hah! This comes to mind because I am involved in a family drama in which no one is telling the truth. And each person, speaking to me separately, has wildly differing versions of the same story and each individually is so believable! 8O


You need to get the family together to watch Rashomon.

And since I'm such a saint, here's a copy:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uwR2kVOcwNI


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01 Jan 2020, 5:54 pm

It sounds like you're all saying that all NTs are compulsive liars, which is a rather skewed generalisation. A lot of NTs are genuine and only may tell white lies to be tactful or to avoid trouble. If Aspies want truth so much then why do so many here get offended if someone tells the truth or is honest with one another here?

I'm Aspie but I understand why people lie appropriately, and I hate blatant honesty. I find honesty so awkward in some situations.


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01 Jan 2020, 6:02 pm

Joe90 wrote:
It sounds like you're all saying that all NTs are compulsive liars, which is a rather skewed generalisation. A lot of NTs are genuine and only may tell white lies to be tactful or to avoid trouble. If Aspies want truth so much then why do so many here get offended if someone tells the truth or is honest with one another here?

I'm Aspie but I understand why people lie appropriately, and I hate blatant honesty. I find honesty so awkward in some situations.


I agree with you that OP is basically making a generalization, but I'm not sure it's off - further, I agree with your take on the motives and would insist that that 'pure' motive is why it's a socially tolerated and generally encouraged behaviour.

Society trains people to consistently lie about trivial matters to protect the feelings of others. Even if we'd imagine preferring a higher level of honesty in social interactions, think about how much more disruptive and chaotic interaction in a room full of people with no filters would become.

I also agree with you that many aspies aren't really all that honest when they insist they would appreciate receiving fewer little white lies, because if that's what someone genuinely wants they need to accept their feelings might get hurt more often than if they just tolerate being lied to on trivial matters at times. If one can't accept honest negative feedback, how can one claim they'd prefer it?


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01 Jan 2020, 6:13 pm

^^

I openly admit that I like being lied to although not when it comes to something important.

Tactful, white lies are just common good manners.

“No, you don’t look fat in that.”

“Your family is so nice.”

“That meatloaf was delicious.”

I lie all the time but never about anything important.


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02 Jan 2020, 4:17 am

Most NTS are not compulsive liars...but even the "honest" ones find it easier to lie when it serves their interests, compared to me at least.

Yes, they often hide their feelings, but they also fake feelings...again, when it serves their interests. Again, this is very difficult for me to do.

As for "white lies," I disagree with some of you. I prefer naked honesty, even if it may be unflattering to me. If it's a fact, I need to face it. If it's someone's opinion--that's just an opinion, but I'd prefer to know where we stand in relation to each other.


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02 Jan 2020, 4:47 am

Instead of saying NTs, one might as well say 99% of society.



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02 Jan 2020, 6:04 am

I hate meatloaf. That ain’t no lie.



Joe90
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02 Jan 2020, 6:12 am

EzraS wrote:
Instead of saying NTs, one might as well say 99% of society.


But every person not on the autism spectrum are not all NTs. 99% of the population are ALLISTIC, not neurotypical.


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02 Jan 2020, 7:47 am

I definitely agree with this.

In a workplace made for neurotypicals by neurotypicals, I try my hardest but when I slip up, everyone's thinks negatively of me. It's like having no human moments in a professional environment is just something that comes naturally to them and is unspoken.

I have one friend who had a moment when he lost his wallet on his first day of work and he panicked and screamed, and now in the workplace, he's constantly underestimated and judged. He has brought up several times to me that he feels like he self-sabotaged on the first day.

I mean with the emotions, I am okay with this aspect but there is a point of emotional overflow that I can't hold back anymore. It's more hygiene type things, tasks coming naturally, executive function things. One thing that does go into it that I relate to is handling anxiety, and how it is second nature to them. Granted, it's part of being on the spectrum to have trouble with it, but neurotypicals are less understanding when they come into contact with these issues


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02 Jan 2020, 9:22 pm

EzraS wrote:
It seems to me that the whole point of being neurotypical is not being autistic. And some autistic people lack social filters.


The very definition of neurotypical right here.