not date rape but date abuse

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It's really pretty freaking weird if the guy brings this stuff up on a first date. I would say most people will admit to that. I don't find that this sort of thing bodes well for a nice, productive relationship. Bring it up later----a few months later---when you're both really intimate with each other.

I've been lucky that I've never had a woman talk about this stuff on a first date. And I've dated a pretty wide variety of women.

I suppose it's true that the guy was "up front," so the woman wouldn't have to speculate as to the guy's intentions. I'll give the guy that.

But----if a woman talked about that stuff on a first date, I would not want to see her again.

So what's the problem here? He talked about his sexual kinks, which might scare a partner off. Except it's he that doesn't want another date, and this is a problem somehow comparable to abuse and he's also somehow a "user"?

It's more speculation as to whether the guy is a "user" and exploits people----rather than actually saying that the guy actually "uses" and exploits people.

He wouldn't qualify as a "user" with, or one who exploits, the sister. It's possible that he "uses" and exploits other----though this can't be known with 100% certainty.

People do need to be wary----both men and women (and, of course, nonbinary folks, too).

In my life's experience, people bring up this sort of thing much later in the relationship---not on the first date. Doesn't this guy have something else to talk about other than his sexual proclivities?

I would think the same thing about a woman who does this. Or a nonbinary person who does this.

If it's such a fetish for the guy that it would become a dealbreaker later in the relationship, I think it's OK that he said it straight away. I agree it's rather creepy but it's better than dating the guy for a few months while he fakes it, and then he either becomes forceful or dumps her for not sharing the same sexual interests.

Yeah...it's better than the alternative. I'll give you that....

Maybe it would behoove people not to pull things out of thin air based on nothing more than their flimsy preconcieved notions. "It's possible that he is X, but this can't be known with 100% certainty" is true of nearly every possible variable you care to introduce. Observe:

"It is possible that KraftieKortie is secretly a space-cowboy from Alpha Centauri, but this can't be known with 100% certainty".

Based on the available data, he's nothing more than a guy who went ona date, and then didn't want to go on another date. And this is somehow abusive.

I would have liked it better if the guy, say, talked about opera--rather than talked about his sexual proclivities. It's a personal feeling. Based on experience.

That's the way I feel about it.

Yeah...maybe I am some alien from Alpha Centauri----who knows?

Final conclusion.

Male rejecting a woman = abuse.

If I had some woman only talk about what she likes in bed all through the first date----and nothing else----I would have run far, far away.

Final Conclusion: It was probably good that the guy "rejected" the woman. That's my viewpoint. It might not be the woman's viewpoint. I hope the woman is able to move on from this, and find some decent guy.

She wanted that guy.

Well----whoop-de-doo!

If she would gone deeper, I feel like she would have had to extricate herself from the situation.

If I were her dad.....do you feel I would have tolerated some jerk like that?

There was a jerk like that in the movie "Uncle Buck." Uncle Buck was a rather dirty guy with a lousy car---and he was fat, too.

But he stood up for his niece. He let the niece go out with the guy, but kept a sharp eye. When the guy actually started doing jerky things to her, Uncle Buck came to her rescue.

Uncle Buck might have been sort of a ne'er do well.....but at least he stood up for his niece.

Last edited by kraftiekortie on 06 Jan 2020, 12:02 pm, edited 1 time in total.

If she's close to the OP's age, then as her dad you would have no say in her romance choices.

Obviously, I wouldn't.....but I would keep a damn sharp eye on this situation.

And if I had to pick up the pieces, I would. I would hug my daughter, and not criticize her. I’d really try to be a good dad.

The downside of that is that every woman who wanted to "wait" usually had little to no interest in me and just wasted my time. I would probably still be a virgin if I stayed and waited with many of the 'slow movers'.

It is really weird to have an in-depth sexual conversation on a first date. It sounds like that’s all he was looking for which is why he ghosted her.

On the plus side, at least she didn’t have to waste any more time on him.

She’s probably upset because she feels like he just wanted something sexual out of their interaction when she was hoping for something more. On the bright side, it’s still better knowing about this now than later on down the road, especially seeing as how the sexual talk made her uncomfortable.

Maybe when she works through her feelings, she’ll wish that she would’ve rejected him instead of vice versa.