Why do people do this if they dislike you?

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After my ex-friend dumped me and only then did they come out and say that she was a people pleaser and only latched onto me out of loneliness. Otherwise, she had me fooled for 8 years that we had things in common when she didn't like any of my interests. In fact, I associated with a total stranger who didn't like me in the first place because she has always been super jealous of me from day 1. Though I was very hurt at what she pulled, I realize she's just not for me.

As for my two friends mentioned above, my friend, who moved away and got involved in that church, I see your point because before he moved, he kept on getting rejected or snubbed by people. He didn't have a lot of people to do things with, so he did things with my other friend. Yet, he didn't seem to like him very much because he did things that bothered him but would not admit it. "No, Fing awesome but he does get too loud."

I still not happy that he stabbed another good friend of mine in the back like that just because he has all these new friends.

One of my co-workers has borderline personality disorder (I'm not sure if he knows it), and his fear of being disliked is overshadowed only by the scary negative splitting he does when he thinks you might be mad at him. He was going through a divorce because he cheated on his wife and stopped coming to work on time and putting overtime on the back end. I counseled him on it and started taking his leave when he didn't show up, and he ran around for two months telling people I was stealing his leave to keep all the leave for myself. Not rational in the least.

It sucks but the worst is.


That's the type of person that slanderers and gaslighting people like to make others think you are like if they actually did do those things.
Pre-emptively.


My meaning is say u had behaved that way (i know u didnt) and intended stealing etc (nonsense i know but if u we're like that) ... If u behaved as the gaslighting/slandering ppl do--
u would tell ppl that the other person is borderline doesnt know what they are saying etc

..but even if u hadnt if u say that ppl will assume u are just doing 'damage control' instead of just the reality


thats why nobody ever knows who to believe.

Once someone starts lying it never ends well for the innocent person.

Liars have no boundaries anything to flip the situation for themselves and only they know why they do it ..like what if the borderline person is believed regardless of how irrational.. You have nothing to fall back up on because even if u try ti prove urself and ur intent ppl will think u are overcompensating..
Thats why the moral way is the most logic and healthiest way... Presume good intent and behave with good intent. Even if morals turn a situation against u in the moment (eg ifu were i. The wrong) overall being honest n moral n humble about it contributes toa better culture + environment.

Makes it safe to be 'human/mistakes' makes ppl braver n more comfortable to be honest etc...


the every man out for himself regardless of truth/justice/duty way only exacerbates the deterioration of culture even if it benefits the individual in the moment..


Thats like this situation.. To me it sounds like your friends just backbite about everyone ...preemptively ...defensively ...
but keep their 'options open' by maintaining a rudimentary 'friendship'... Like basically what Guy Incognito said...

I have some other examples of people who pulled things who didn't really like me

A. I just wrote about a former co-worker who posed as my friend who lied about me. Anyway, there were hints that didn't really like me. One time I invited her to my house warming party and she agreed to come and help me set up. Yet, she never showed up and never called. When I asked her, "Well my husband and I were on our way but my grandma being in the hospital got to me. So we decided to go for a little drive that turned into a bigger one. The reason I didn't call you to back out is that we were in an area that had bad reception." Then I found out later that she never intended on coming due to one of her sick lies about me.

B. There was a man on the spectrum who I had a huge crush on for many years but he was one of those believed you had to live up to the same standards and if you didn't then you were a waste of his valuable time. He also didn't like my personality didn't like me because I was so hyper. He would tell other people that he disliked me and that I am a "Spazz."
Some of the things:

1. One of the birthday parties that I invited him to, happened to be a Halloween one. Since he was not good at invitations, I had another friend reach out to call him and he said, "No." So when I talked to him on a chatroom later that night it was "My Costume is out of order."

2. He jerked me around during a convention by calling me and telling me that he would like to meet up later and to just call. So I did so that evening and he didn't pick up the phone and I left a message. A week and a half later, he calls me up with some story that he "Phone was off," which it wasn't because it kept ringing. "Some convict from jail tried to call me several times. That is all bye." He never let me tell my side of the story

3. Later on, when he said no with out a reason, I would ask why and it was "It's complicated."

They're afraid of the social conflict and backlash of telling you that they do not enjoy your company, so they resort to underhanded tactics to quietly sneak out of your life, not knowing their little scheme makes them look even worse than even bluntly saying "I do not like you, don't talk to me".

totally agrees with this.

sometiimes more severe forms of this,are reffered to as gaslighting ..Now having experiences this time and again , but also the opposite . Genuine interactions for me often present as people slowly getting to know one another , with usually no manipulation . Now the ones who have been thorough ,at what they do come off overly friendly , then constantly tries to sway your opinion on a person or thing.
Perhaps a troubled situation , with be expressed by them to you, implying a little money would help them out .Then if you do not behave
as they wish , they will distance you temporarily , to see if they have control.
Different senario : they friend or befriend you and see you can provide something they want , personally or physically . Can drag this out for prolonged period if you allow them . .

It depends on the person really. I knew a girl that had a crush on a friend of mine and my friend though she was sweet but wasn't into her and because she was really sweet he didn't want to hurt her feelings so he had a hard time coming out and saying it so we was trying to give her subtle signs.

Brehus,

This person who I liked was a major jerk who would only flirt and ignore me and avoid me otherwise, he didn't tell me how I felt until another friend at the time told him to be upfront with me. However, he gave me lots of excuses and could not keep his story straight because he thought I was "Too fragile" when it came to handling the truth

"I am not going to your party, I don't like your friends."
"I can't come, my sleep schedule so it's too dangerous to drive."
"I can't do voice chat with me on skype because your voice is grating on my ears, that's not your fault though."
"You don't talk about things that are interesting in super geeky. All you do is talk like you are a 12-year-old."
"Impress me with your intelligence and then I will spend time with you."


Other things
1. He smiled at me during a convention one time and then when I was standing right by him 30 minutes later, he snubbed me by talking a drink and then texting someone right in front of me
2. He would log off Skype every time I logged on
3. He would storm out of a room if he saw me
4. For my 25th birthday, I invited him to join me at a pool hall with some other friends to a special adult social for people on the spectrum. The whole time he ignored me and talked to another girl right in front of me.
5. When his late mentor died, he could not make an effort to talk to me at the funeral in person. Rather, he had offered another former friend of ours a ride as she lived up the street from the reception.

That's an actual 'toxic' person... Hope you stay away from such in future the more you witness the signa... They may have their own issues but so do you and you dont say stuff like impress me with your intelligence. Thats mot excusable (the other stuff listed as well... The overall demeanour... Hurtful and not done unintentionally)
Hope u find better people. If not, I thank God for WP and the outlet and being able to talk about things with people who aren't intent on hurting me or taking financial advantage in some way by tricking...

Note that some of those were typos

Yeah actually told me to impress him and yes he has a lot of issues.